Motherhood Uncensored

Reader Appreciation Week: Win Good Shit

If there's anyone that I should thank for getting me through these long years months. You're mostly kind words and generally thoughtful comments have really helped.

Except for a few wayward Googlers who like to tell me where to shove it.

Yeah yeah. Mississippi is SOOOOO great. Whatever.

And so, I'm not leaving people (it was the duck -- I know, I'm VERY sneaky!), I'm just putting my friendly PR pitch people to work this week and offering some kick ass prizes all week long. Read some vintage Motherhood Uncensored and win prizes that relate to the posts. And no, I'm not talking an ass smack from my father-in-law.

I'm talking good stuff.

I promise.

Come back starting tomorrow, leave a comment by Midnight PST (one per person per day please), and I'll pick winner(s) at random every day through Friday where the Mominatrix will return with sex-related prizes, a new column, and a radio show -- with the Queen of Orgasms, Lou Paget. (I'm not kidding. If you have questions, she is the woman who knows. Email them to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com. We will keep your identity private).

Enjoy readers. YOU ROCK!

The Mom Trap Reader Highlights: Who Wants to Be Featured?

All this week I'm doing Reader Appreciation over at Motherhood Uncensored with lots of giveaways, but I also want to recognize my Mom Trap readers as well. So, before you go over to MU to throw your name in the proverbial hat (great prizes, I promise), drop me an email if you'd like to be highlighted here.

I have a few fun questions plus I'd love to put a picture up. So drop me an email and I'll send you the questions. I'll be highlighting two bloggers per day on Tuesday - Friday.

And if you haven't seen The League of Maternal Justice site, please stop by. We could definitely use your support for our first two missions, with more to follow! If you've got any breastfeeding photos, please share them for our montage. And consider nursing live or via recorded video on our Breast Fest day (10/10 at 10am!). Also, we've started a Cafemom group to start the discussion on what we can do about other issues that are important to moms. Join up, will ya?

And come back tomorrow for a special guest blogger courtesy of the Blog Exchange!

We've Had a Good Run Guys

And so, it is time for me to bid farewell to you. I'm not sure what to say. We've had our good times, and we've had our really bad times. But through it all, you've stuck with me, and given me something to smile about. And I'm not just talking about all the gawker traffic.

It's time for us to part ways, Mr. Duck. Thanks for falling into my stroller. But I think we need to move on.

So congrats to Katie, the new owner of Danny "Stolen" Duck, some condoms, a Nexus Range, chocolate lotion and body oil, a new masthead, and two Starbucks gift cards.

We know you will give him a good home. At least you better, damnit.

And thanks to everyone who participated. We raised $197 for Catherine which allowed her to exceed her goal. (Hopefully they'll provide the puke sacks for free, my friend). You can visit her donor site (look for motherhood uncensored) to confirm that the monies did indeed make it into her donor account.

Thanks to our vibrator duck covetors:

Erin

Mrs. Chicken

Manic Mommy

Rebel Hart

Midwestern Mommy

Impostormom

Jackie

Lawyer Mama

Elizabeth

Amy

Mel

Geena

Bobita

Fishy Girl

Dana

Katie

The New Girl

Lori

Apricoco

Sharon

Sandra

Fairly Odd Mother

Kris

Christine

And for more exciting news, did you see my Cool Mom Picks co-founder and daughter-101 in the New York Times yesterday? Hot dog! 

More developments happening every day over at LMJ. Keep in mind, it's not just about boobs over there. We've got a bunch of new missions coming shortly, most of which were emailed in by concerned moms who needed some help.

And if you happen to pop over later today or tomorrow, you might just see some actual pictures of our alteregos. Well worth it.

Every Day Most Definitely Is the Same

Tonight I had great displeasure of hosting Jessica and her two little Joys for pizza, sundaes, and a Wii-Boogie smackdown. I would have invited more people, but they all heard Jessica was going to be there and knowing how incredibly boooooooooring she is, they decided to pass.

And so, I was left alone with her and our children. What a fucking nightmare.

Not only does her kid rip the shirt off Quinlan's back, but then when my daughter dancing her little butt off to "YMCA," she totally mocks her right behind her back. Okay, so it's not a "Y" -- she's 3. Cut the kid a break.

You can't see the screen, but she's obsessively counting her score from her "You're the One That I Want" Performance. Okay, you got 174,000 points which is about half of the comments for one post on your blog. Thanks for rubbing it in.

Her daughter, a little over two, could barely stand up on her own. As you can see in the picture, she had to hold her up most of the night while still obsessing over her points.

And of all the bizarre things in this world, she makes her son dress up like a dog. Don't ask. I certainly didn't.

So if you're all jealous about me living here in Atlanta, getting to hang out with some pretty cool mommy bloggers, don't be.

All they do is bring you tasty tofu salad, wash your dishes, and make you realize that playing video games is far from as lame as it sounds.

We'll be practicing our dance moves, two-part harmony, and extended play temper tantrums, Joys family.

Next time, the tofu's on me.

 

Free Flying is Great, But Where's the Nanny?

The first comment I get when I tell folks that my husband is a pilot is "Oh nice. You get to fly for free." And yes, this is true. But if you've ever done pass travel, then you know this benefit is a double edged sword.

And if you've ever done pass travel with two small children alone, then you know it's almost not a benefit.

As a child, I traveled a lot thanks to my father's job. I was very fortunate to have parents that believed seeing the world and exploring different places was important.

But flying back then was totally different. Heck, you could smoke on a plane!

Now, however, you can barely bring a lip gloss on. And people seem to be hyper sensitive when it comes to babies and kids. And honestly, trying to get through security, is like running the gauntlet.

I'm not kidding. Two car seats, a stroller, plus EVERYTHING in a carry on since you have to fly standby. The last thing you need is to get stuck with kids in an airport with nothing.

Then top off the whole "there's not enough room on this plane for you" thing and well, buying a ticket looks not-so-bad. In fact, it looks pretty darn good. And then the hotel? With two kids? Not the greatest option, unless you enjoy going to bed at 8pm when they do.

So until I can figure out how to make going away an actual vacation, I'll stick around here. Where I can drink a full can of soda and let my kid scream without people reading me the riot act.

If you've got a vacation story, or tips on how to make it through a vacation with kids without losing your hair, then share it today. You could win a portable dvd player. Check it out!