I'm pretty sure I had "My baby will not grow up to be a biter" on my birth plan under "I like pain so don't offer me anything that might affect my glorious experience of it."
It's one thing for your kid is the bitee, but I bet it's a whole other mortifying ball game when your kid is the biter. It doesn't matter how good your martinis are or how tantalizing your spinach-artichoke dip in pumpernickel without water chestnuts (because um, that crunch is almost spine shivering) because you've got a biter. Fingers are pointed, secrets are whispered, and you try to figure out exactly what you did wrong that made your kid a biter.
I'm not sure how I would respond if my daughter decided to nibble on a playmate's arm.
"I forgot to feed her before we came."
"It's not my fault your kid's arm looks like an Oscar Meyer hot dog."
"It could be worse. She could have grabbed his ass."
Yeah. Those just don't seem to cut it. But I have to say, I'm not so sure having a biter is as bad as having a hugger.
We've yet to encounter a biter, but we ran into plenty of huggers this past week, and honestly, I think I'd take a biter over a hugger any day.
See with a biter, the parents intervene instantly, apologize profusely, and then watch their child like a hawk. And unless their child is an IV drug user (like most three year olds in our neighborhood), there is little chance my kid is going to die from a bite.
But a hugger? Good God they never stop!
Even when they're about to wrestle your daughter underwater from a hug that looks more like a tackle, the parents do little but say "Oh, he just likes to hug."
I mean, I like to hug too, but I generally try to make sure people can breathe when I do it.
The parent offers a couple of idle threats, directs a mean stare their way, and then just let them continue on with their love fest of suffocation.
I guess people perceive hugging as being warm and friendly. But guess what? A lot of things can be warm and friendly until they are done 20 times in a five-minute span. I mean, after watching both my kids get knocked down with "warm and friendly" hugs, I was about to offer their arms up for a biting sacrifice.
"Here kid. Bite their arms so you can get in trouble and LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE."
And quite frankly, most biters grow out of it in a matter of months. Better verbal skills, a bit more frustration tolerance, and the only biting they'll do will hopefully be for the pleasure of others later in life (heh).
But huggers? Cripes. I still know way too many of those.
And they're my age.