It seems that it's not Ted Turner and Coca Cola that run this town.
It's belts. The big bad belt companies.
At least that's the only logical explanation for the amendment that Atlanta city councilman C.T. Martin is trying to pass that bans saggy pants.
Apparently he's worried that with kids being "half-dressed," they're not thinking about their future.
And I sort of agree. I mean, as a suffering prego, I knew all about saggy pants and I was clearly not thinking about my future.
I was thinking about suspenders.
And really, there's no resolution once you have the baby. If you're like me, your round ass turned into a roly belly, thus forcing you into belt wearing.
I'm clearly not the tucked-in-shirt-belt-wearing kind of girl. But the pants half off my ass with one hand holding them up at my crotch isn't really my style either.
Plus, it's really hard to breastfeed when you're holding up your pants with one hand.
And so, if your underpants are showing here in the ATL, you'll get fined.
So much for Britney ever coming to Atlanta.
But really, I'm sort of in the camp that it's not such a bad thing to see underpants, because at least that means they're being worn. It's like my rationale for deoderant stains. Sure they suck, but then at least people know you're wearing it.
But now I fear there will be way too many Atlantians walk around commando. And that makes this not an issue of racial profiling, but more an issue of public health.
I can see the sign now: "Welcome to Atlanta: Where It's Too Hot and Expensive to Wear Underpants."
I fear the stench already.
And if that's not enough, he's banning bra straps and sports bras too. Because apparently if you're a woman and you work out, you're to keep it a secret. But if you're a man, feel free to walk around with your big nasty nipples, man boobs, and sparse chest hair flapping about.
And honestly, I could think of way worse things than wearing a shirt with a bra strap showing. In fact, I've worn them -- hypercolor shirts, peg-leg jeans, and those studded belts that wrap around twice.
I'm afraid to think how much those would have cost me.
But I suppose those are considered harmless and not perpetuating the "gangster" lifestyle. When really, the low pants originated in prison as a sign that the men were "available." I'm pretty sure most of the kids dragging their pants along the street didn't know that.
So what's next? Clearly the sagging pants and sports bras are not the best fashion choice, but I'd like to think there's a way better way to focus energy.
How about the fucking Atlanta traffic for starters?
Until then I guess instead of burning bras in protest, we'll have to wear them.