Loose Bandits. And No, Not My Children. *Now with updates

I leisurely went out my unlocked front door in glasses, day-after pool hair, nursing bra, and pajama pants this morning to check my mail when my neighborhood representative called to me from across the street.

"Mrs. Chase," he called, coming towards me. "There's a manhunt going on right now."

I looked up from my mail.

"There are four fugitives that headed towards this subdivision on foot. Just stay in your house and lock the doors."

Um. Okay. Thanks for that. I suppose I should have been less concerned with my dryer not working and more so with purchasing a hand gun.

Even though I live in the sticks, I'm still pretty paranoid. But I double checked all the locks, brought the dogs upstairs, and stared out the window at the screaming sirens and helicopters circling overhead.

We made a quick run to the neighbor's house for a little bit of company. Apparently, they were driving down the road behind my house, jumped out of their vehicle, and started running -- over the siderail, through the woods, and probably past my house. Perhaps my large sun-drying underpants scared them off.

They're still loose. I'm bunkered up.

And honestly. I know I just got to Georgia and I do need to focus on the unpacking, but what about a nice party, balloons, or hell, a stripper?

Some fucking welcome, Atlanta.

*The word on the street is that they're still loose, so they've got unmarked and marked cars everywhere in the neighborhood. I'm trying not to obsessively look out the windows but rather occupy myself with other things. Oh. Like my children.

The good thing is that no one will recognize me because I just got my hair cut. By my 3-year-old. Not on purpose. Apparently we were playing beauty salon. With real scissors.

Mommy. I'm too smart to cut my own hair. So I'll just do yours.

Oh well. I guess I was due for a change.

Comments

[karyn]

Okay, I'm not sure what it means that I am more aghast over the haircut than the fugitives, but it's probably not good.

How's the hair?

[Ruth Dynamite]

Aren't most episodes of COPS filmed in Atlanta?

Welcome to the neighborhood!

[Jen M]

You sound so calm and collected about this. I would have been scared to death.

I'm so glad you guys are okay!

[Jenn]

holy crap, woman! hope all is okay now and it's safe to leave your house... even if you have a sketchy haircut :P

[Priya]

Love the hair cut! A little freaked out about the random criminals running around your hood.

[Dana]

This reminds me of an incident at our house. I should blog it someday.

We have a huge garage in the farthest corner of our backyard (it houses my parent's motor home in the winter) and we never lock it because there's nothing worth stealing (the RV is from the 70's I swear).

So one day I'm in the garden and the police coming running through my yard yelling at me to get down on the ground.

I freak out of course and I'm laying there thinking, "I didn't do it, you've got the wrong girl."

Turns out, some idiot ran a stop light, refused to pull over and when he got to the dead end road by our house, he fled the vehicle and ran through my yard.

The idiot was hiding in our garage.

I was freakin' scared shitless. And the officer was like "Sorry to scare you ma'am. We just didn't want you in our way." I stood there and then said, "You mean you might have had to shoot?"

Imagine my shock and fear. Ugh. Thank goodness it happened before I was pregnant.

[Anita]

Wow. Like others have said, you really just do manage to draw some excitement. Well, at least life is not boring. I'm sure the haircut looks great (at least to a 3 year old.) lol.

[Kelly]

I'm with Julie. A 9mm would definitely come in handy to dispatch a few fugitives. Not that I'm in favor of that type of violence, nosiree.

[JChase]

Excitement follows you everywhere, doesn't it?

Stay safe!

[Melissa]

Oh, do I feel dumb. I just spent the morning handing out flyers to prevent a gate and guard shack going up in my neighborhood.

[momof2]

OMG!

[jaelithe]

Dude.

FREAKY!

Reminds me of the time when I was still a teenager when my family moved into a new apartment and the first night we slept there, there was a gang fight on our street and and someone bashed in our front window with a crowbar.

If they do show up at your house, be sure to offer them wine and cheese (like those people at the dinner party in D.C.).

[croutonboy]

Was it Michael Vick? That dude can run....

[Heather]

Eek!

This is why southerners hang rifles in the back window of their truck.

[Oh, The Joys]

What? I guess I should listen to the news... Or you should move to the East Side.

[The Estrogen Files]

Scary panties sun drying? Yup, here too. No fugitives lately. Some scary ethnic guys, though!

[Bill]

If the cops come poking around, you'd better hide that little duck!

[Kristen]

Actually, I have NO idea what it looks like in the back.

[TB]

So, did you cut the rest of it to even it out?

[Manic Mommy]

It's like the freakin' Wild West - circle the wagons! At least you've got the scissors to protect you.

Our little Maddie-Dog may be an idiot but she's loud enough to wake the dead when she gets to barking.

Hope yours are doing their job.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Did you, even for one teeny tiny moment, wish for the company of your inlaws during the lockdown?

Hope they caught those bad boys. I'd probably have moved into our attic by now.

[jeanie]

Ooooh - I am scared enough knowing that kids have to learn lockdown techniques in schools - we don't ever had a manhunt here - closest is the occasional drunken domestic as they walk along the streets.

[Woman with Kids]

What? No picture of the hair cut?

Perhaps you could run out - real quick - and hang some more scary granny panties? You know, just for protection.

[BOSSY]

Send word, friend!

[Assertagirl]

Oh my word! I'd be glued to the window and radio the whole time.

I don't care what anybody says, the suburbs aren't always boring.

[Amy]

That's better than my welcome to the neighborhood. The day we moved in, literally the night after spending all day moving, we were woken up at 1 in the morning by the police to ask us to please evacuate because they thought the neighbor had the makings of a pipe bomb in his closet.

Luckily the kids were still with grandma and grandpa that night, but three hours in my husband's office with our dogs was not pleasant.

[Karla]

Holy Crap! I thought that stuff only happened in the movies.

[Mimipz5wjj]

Yikes! I must be more out in the sticks than you! I didn't hear any of it up here up 41 -- just past civilazation but not quite backwoods!

Of course, I would only hear it if the news bulletins were on NickJr, Noggin, or Sprout.

[Mrs. Chicken]

Oh lord. Woman, you draw trouble like a magnet!

I live in fear of something like this. We live on the edge of a huge creepy field, and no one would, you know, hear us scream.

Hope they got those bad guys.

[Anne Glamore]

Now is the one time I'm feeling grateful that despite my anti-gun stance, I have 3 boys who've made weapons out of everything possible, including the old pogo stick. I think we also have a set of arrows and a slingshot around here.

I won't be complaining about the weapons for a while!

[jen]

at least it's exciting.

[mothergoosemouse]

I suspend all rules about guns in the home when armed and dangerous bandits are roaming the neighborhood. Get thee to Wal-Fart for some protection!

[Mom101]

Jaysus!

And just when you're trying to talk yourself into liking your new home.

If I were there I'd wave my scary floppy underpants out the window for you. Promise.

[Liza]

Yike! I'm sorry to hear that!