And Then She Goes Away

Prior to leaving for BlogHer, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety. It had nothing to do with meeting bloggers of new, old, and Canadia, but more about leaving my daughter with my in-laws.

You do know my in-laws, right?

I realized at around 11pm the night before I left that I had never talked to her about what to do if she gets lost. I looked at my husband and said "I need to go talk to her about what happens when she gets lost! What if your mother loses her on the boardwalk? What if she turns away and Quinlan runs off?"

It's true that I trust myself, my husband, and a rabid gorilla more than I trust my mother-in-law with my daughter. It doesn't help that she didn't feed her lunch when she took her to see the parade for 5 hours. Or that she thinks that candy is a decent snack.

But leaving her alone with them, without my husband to mediate (or really, crack the whip) nearly sent me over the edge.

With my upcoming move to Atlanta, buying a house, planning for a trip alone with an infant, and leaving my daughter, I've certainly built up quite a bundle of stress. And as I sat in my room last night, realizing that it was best that I stay here another day instead of brave a slew of full flights and hours in an airport, I cried.

A lot.

I hate to admit that I miss my daughter. It's one of those cliche' things that I hate to say. I get a good four days away (even though I still have my son with me) and I should be enjoying the lap of luxury, eating bon bons, and meeting bloggers.

And I am. But I'm also missing that sweet voice and darling face that greets me cheerfully on most days and the mean, grouchy face that greets me not so cheerfully on others. And because I'm exhausted and stressed, my mind wanders to a time when she's older and away.

Will my heart yearn for her still? Will I wish for the weekends when she'll come home and let me do her laundry while we talk about her college classes? Will I miss her sweet face just the same even when her eyes are tired from her own kids?

I can't help but think of those moments.

So close, and yet so far away.

Comments

[Hyphen Mama]

OH YES! When my not-quite-four-year-old daughter stays at my MIL's I am exactly the same way. Between not quite trusting MIL to keep her as safe as she needs to be, and the nights when I don't get to read bedtime stories and get snuggles, I always cry. And the first thing I always do when she returns is SMELL HER HAIR! Oh, that sweet girl hair.

[Trish]

Tears are flowing down my face right now thinking of the future! I want to slow down time.

[Redneck Mommy]

It was a pleasure meeting you and your darling little man. Although my husband had wished your kid wasn't so cute, because according to him, it's all your (and the babe's) fault that I'm lusting after babies again.

I ran to the airport for privacy (ironic, isn't it...over-crowded airport affording me more privacy than a posh hotel) found a corner and rocked back and forth. My kids are older and I've been separated from them, but I missed them dearly this weekend.

That never changes. Just the things I miss about them. At two it was their cuteness and toddler ways, now, it's preteen snarkiness and the rare moments when they still act like little kids who need their momma.

I was never happier to touch down on home soil and smell my kid's hair and see their dirty faces.

I'm glad your back. Q needs you...or a rabid gorilla. Anybody other than the MIL.

[mrs. chicken]

I think you will feel the same. I know for me, an extra 24 hours would feel like a lifetime. I hope you get home to your sweet, sweet girl soon and safely.