My daughter was a decidedly difficult baby. She came out with a very serious look on her face and it hasn't left her since. She was terribly attached to me, offering nothing but the loudest shrieks when anyone tried to hold her. She would even pull away her tiny 6-month old hand when people would try to grab it.
She's moody as all hell with a mouth to go with it. In fact, yesterday, she replied "I want to sit here, Silly" after I asked her to move away from the stove. My reprimand was met with "I was mad at you mommy because I wanted to sit there."
Did I mention she's not even three yet?
And while she has her happy moments and is extremely sensitive (almost to a fault) to the needs and feelings of others, I'd never characterize her as laidback.
Don't get me wrong. I love every inch of her little being.
Since adding another child to the mix, I've realized even more so than before how incredibly pissy she was -- pissy being a loving and endearing quality, of course. And everyone else has as well. I know it's hard for her when everyone dotes on how jolly and terribly cute her little brother is. But really, I think they're just in shock because my son is the complete opposite. He could care less who is holding him, so long as it's a person. He'll smile at the nastiest old man at the grocery store, or a little child coming up to say hello. He giggles almost daily, mostly by his sister's prompting, and his smile is almost constant.
My husband and I find it quite entertaining, mainly because we had to do a pretty hefty song and dance number to even get half a smile out of my daughter. She'd give you this look like "I've seen better than that" and go on her merry way, building large block towers at 12 months old, drawing complete faces with a tripod grip on her pen at 18 months old, and reminding me that her imaginary friends Kinsa and Rosha are currently at school so they can't come over and play today.
Duh.
The difference? Other than genetics, dna, and whatever else scientific that you can calculate is that I wear him almost constantly. And considering he's officially 20lbs and 28 inches at a mere 5 months, that's no small feat.
My daughter was a bouncy seat/stroller kind of gal -- mainly because that's all I could figure out with my new mom brain and limited resources. And so I bounced, jiggled, and strolled her to sleep more than I care to remember.
But Drew nurses and naps in the sling. He sleeps next to me every night. I'm not a huge proponent of the Attachment Method of Parenting; I just do it because he sleeps well and eats well, and life is good.
Well except that I'm fucking sick of holding him in the sling and bouncing on a huge exercise ball at least 3 times a day. And the cries from my daughter to "Put that baby down, mama" don't help.
Oh, and that he's GIGANTIC. Massive, really.
So, while I research other options for his daytime sleeping and nursing, I wonder if it's just his personality or if it's because I've worn him and slept next to him for 5 straight months.
I suppose I'll never know.
But damn if the boob sucking and sleeping companionship would have the same effect on my husband.
Now that would be golden.
Well, this is awesome. Bruiser is three months old and nearly 20 pounds. They're bound to get along great at BlogHer! :)
Posted by: Suburban Turmoil | June 28, 2007 at 07:43 PM
Your kids sound like mine, with my second you can make her laugh and smile just by looking at her. My first you need to work at everything. Gosh is her a big boy , my 2 year old is 21lbs 7oz :)
Posted by: Laura McIntyre | June 28, 2007 at 03:14 AM
My son was also a big boy...20 lbs at 4 months and I also nursed him. He still is quite a Mama's boy (and I secretly love it). I think boys just need Mom more. My daughter was like yours...independent from the start. People would say that her independence at an early age meant that she had formed a "secure attachment" to me. Whatever. She just thought I was holding her back. She still does and she's not quite 5.
The crappy thing is, I'm already missing those clingy times with my son and I know soon my daughter will not want ANYTHING to do with me. Such is motherhood I guess.
Posted by: Heather | June 26, 2007 at 11:48 PM
My son is the only one of my 3 that snuggled and was so passive it was almost like he wasn't there.
Those are great moments. And I like that you're able to experience both types of personalities. I just talked about this on my blog, too. I think a great personal growth comes from raising the different personalities.
Posted by: Niihaus | June 23, 2007 at 01:02 PM
My 13-month old is 20 lbs and 29 inches - you have some milk, woman!!
And I agree with an earlier comment that you can't spoil a baby. I remember around 5-6 months, we moved her from her hammock in our room to her own crib and it was two weeks of hell, but we got through it. And now at 13 months, I am where I never thought I woud be...a baby who naps on her own and goes to sleep on her own...Miracles to happen!! :)
Posted by: AndreAnna | June 23, 2007 at 09:03 AM
Suebob...hmmmmm that and my mom claims she is my great grandmother....wow..she gets around with that bad attitude!
Posted by: crunchy | June 22, 2007 at 06:42 PM
I need some sling advice from you. I have used it about four times and I still feel like she's crushed in there.
Posted by: Mom101 | June 22, 2007 at 02:40 PM
I wore both of my kids and find that they have opposite personalities, both are very confident though. Something that helped for my oldest was dance and drama classes, he got alot of attention for a couple days a week and seemed to need less from me. Thank goodness, as he had already "decorated" a couple of rooms with marker.
Posted by: KristenM | June 22, 2007 at 11:38 AM
Who knows. It's a cop out but it's got to be a little of both.
Thanks to you I've got a baby sling lined up for if #2 comes along. Lets hope it's mostly because of that, shall we?
Posted by: binkytown | June 22, 2007 at 11:16 AM
One of the people I trusted the most about parenting (my mom) felt that you can't really do damage by holding the baby non-stop for the first 6 months. She didn't really feel they were totally born until about 6 months. After that was when she thought reducing pacifiers, cuddling and on demand nursing should start, albeit gradually. So we did that and we have a very independent 6 year old now. She is confident and still very affectionate. I can't imagine what it is like to have such a gabby toddler though. Our daughter didn't start talking until she was 3 and then only because she started part time day care then.
Posted by: Arwen | June 22, 2007 at 10:00 AM
Suebob:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by: Kristen | June 22, 2007 at 07:07 AM
Personality.
And a little bit the sling.
But mostly personality.
Posted by: Jennifer | June 22, 2007 at 06:58 AM
OMG in some kind of cross-gender time travel thing, Crunchy's daughter grew up to be my Ex...how does that work?? I can't tell you how many times I heard "Not funny!!"
Posted by: Sueb0b | June 22, 2007 at 12:40 AM
personality.
by all accounts, my daughter (my one and only child) has been an easy baby, with the exception of the colic weeks. good sleeper, good eater, and has been sleeping through the night (11 hours) since 3 months old, in her crib. i never wore her because she just didn't like it and wouldn't stop squirming. generally has a sunny disposition but definitely has her moments as a toddler -- very fiesty at times. the downside? a finger-sucker when she's trying to fall asleep. i've learned to live with that.
personality all the way.
Posted by: linda c. | June 22, 2007 at 12:39 AM
"And considering he's officially 20lbs and 28 inches at a mere 5 months, that's no small feat."
NO!
Good LORD woman! Sam is seven months and CHUNKY and he is a mere 18lbs Bye Bye Baby Bjorn!
Seriously--I empathize. Sam is SO freaking mellow and giggly. His Big Bro was seriously high maintenance. But at narly 5 he is so much easier now. Childlike even...
Posted by: joy | June 22, 2007 at 12:04 AM
Dear Motherhood Uncencored,
I HAD an easy baby...my first and only. I wanted, planned for and anticpated her. And I love her completely. NOW new husband decides (this is recent)that he wants an heir. Thought I was done. Haven't been preggers in 12 years. WTF? I will be 38 in 3 months. Has he HEARD that the cytoplasm of the egg degenerates after the age of 35? That one should not muck around with fertility? What do I do?
Regards,
VVO
Posted by: Vicky | June 21, 2007 at 11:23 PM
My daughter has the same personality your son has and I rarely wore her. She was a bouncy seat gal all the way.
Makes me scared to find out what the next one is going to have in store for us. 6 more weeks until we know!
Posted by: Jessica | June 21, 2007 at 03:55 PM
pissy is the NICE way of describing our daughter...no laughing is allowed in our home.."It's NOT FUNNY!" is hollered from the rooftops.
She folds her arms and hmphs..
And does not give up
Posted by: crunchy | June 21, 2007 at 03:41 PM
You know the personality of Cordy, right? Strong-willed, independent, short-fuse, pain-in-the-ass, etc. (If not, you'l be meeting her soon, so you'll get the full experience then.) She was worn in a sling for most of the first six months of her life (and a lot of exercise ball bouncing), and worn quite a bit of the second six months, too.
So I'm going to have to vote for personality rather than babywearing in his case. Which is good, I suppose, since you'll be able to put him down eventually and not have him change to a pissy baby, right?
And I really understand wearing a big baby. Cordy was also 20 pounds at 4 months. She's nearly 40 pounds now, and still wants to be carried. Ugh.
Posted by: Christina | June 21, 2007 at 03:30 PM
I love my sling, too bad the baby hates it. I keep trying though, however, after reading this maybe I shouldn't!
And 20 lbs! Holy cow! I'm impressed with your power boobs!
Posted by: Jennifer | June 21, 2007 at 03:27 PM
Jake -- it's my pleasure. I'd join you on the suicide pact thing but you know, the kids and all. But seriously, every time I post about them, a flood of people sharing their own experiences clogs my comments in a good way. Gotta let it out.
TB: My faves:
http://www.rockinbabysling.com and
http://www.babyhawk.com
Posted by: Kristen | June 21, 2007 at 02:43 PM
Mine are 4 and 2 - both boys. Number one has been high-maintenance since day one and still remains so. He is very smart and very, very sensitive. He will make his own way in the world or kill everyone in it. My two year old has always been easygoing, quick to smile and endearing. I vote for birth order - we made #1 high-maintenance because we didn't know what we were doing. By #2, we had relaxed A LOT.
Posted by: Christine | June 21, 2007 at 02:32 PM
Hey - thanks!
I know this is off topic in this thread, but I really thank you. I'm a guy, and have zero knowledge of motherhood ... but I ended up on your blog because my in-laws (sin-laws?) are driving me to suicide. Or homicide. Probably both. Right now I'm just drinking heavily, but the suicide/homicide thing is due next Tuesday, I think.
Won't bore you with the details, but I sat down a minute ago - after screaming my lungs out for a minute and punching a ceramic cat, after the last incident - and Googled something like "in-law problems." Okay, it was actually "I hate my (expletive) in-laws and hope they get eaten by syphilitic crocodiles." Or something.
Anyway, I've been reading through your adventures with your in-laws ... and really, thank you. It just feels good to not be alone, to know other people have it just as bad (or, in your case, maybe worse. At least I didn't throw their pot away! Bwa ha ha).
I firmly believe the only measure of a life well-lived is if you made it better for somebody else. Today, on a very crappy day, you made my life better. Gave me some awesomely good laughs. And probably delayed my homicide/suicide by at least a day or two.
So thanks. Much appreciated.
Posted by: Jake | June 21, 2007 at 02:24 PM
Dude, we wore both kids almost constantly because it kept them happy, not because Dr. Sears said so.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | June 21, 2007 at 02:23 PM
God, I'm cracking up over here. You funny woman, very funny.
Dude, 20lbs? Those are some super boobs you've got there. I want to see pictures...of him, not the boobs. ;)
My brother and I sound alot like your kids. Maybe it's a boy, second child thing, I don't know. She'll be an awesome bigger kid though. You know, easier to deal with, when you can reason with her and she fully gets it. And when she's at school for part of the day.
Posted by: Phoenix | June 21, 2007 at 02:23 PM
I can't get over the 20lbs! Your poor back.
I'm going with most of the rest and saying personlity.
Posted by: Mrs. Chicky | June 21, 2007 at 02:21 PM
"But damn if the boob sucking and sleeping companionship would have the same effect on my husband."
Laughing. So. Hard.
Posted by: Bittermama | June 21, 2007 at 02:04 PM
I didn't have a sling with Dawson when he was born. I had one of those carriers you could wear, but he really hated being in it. I couldn't figure out why.
And the co-sleeping didn't start until he was 19 months old. I let him sleep in our bed when he was sick and I haven't been able to break the habit yet.
Posted by: dana | June 21, 2007 at 12:43 PM
20 lbs.!!! Holy guacamole! My 29 month old is only 22 lbs! My kids have exact opposite temperaments too. My boy is more laid back and my daughter is hell on wheels. It was apparent from the day my daughter was born that she would not be anything like her brother and she sure isn't!
Good luck!
Posted by: Melinda | June 21, 2007 at 11:58 AM
I think it's personality -- and maybe a difference between girls and boys? My girl is 3, and she's always been very demanding, while my son, 2, is the most laid back little guy ever. My daughter was the one that was the attached baby, though. I didn't put her down till she was a year old, and she still wants me to sleep with her. My son's always been totally fine with being put down and is happy hanging out by himself.
It makes no sense, I tell you. They're just trying to confuse us. (Sounds like your son is quite happy with his arrangement, though).
Posted by: Teryn | June 21, 2007 at 11:52 AM
Slings are a god-send! LOL My one year old is 30+ lbs and I couldn't do anything without him strapped to me. Literally, he's pretty high needs. LOL
Posted by: Summer | June 21, 2007 at 11:07 AM
i vote personality, too. but then again it may be birthing order . . .
AM (7 y.o female) is a very serious girl but at the same time the most sensitive, too. (she sounds almost exactly like yours.)
JC (5 y.o (today!) male) is a happy go lucky, shake his bootie at anything/one kind of kid.
i wore both of them in a sling.
Posted by: Angie in Texas | June 21, 2007 at 10:46 AM
Your children sound like mirror images of mine, and believe me, the sling has nothing to do with it. They were born with their personalities the second they emerged, and many many years later, it still manifests in every single thing they do/say/feel.
Posted by: Susan | June 21, 2007 at 10:41 AM
How do you like the sling? Is it easy to use? I've got the Maya wrap and I swear, those hippies must be rocket scientists because I cannot figure the damn thing out. I need something though because Myles is a baby that needs to be worn. Or I guess I should say I am a mamma who needs to have her hands free so I can pee and eat once in a while.
Posted by: TB | June 21, 2007 at 10:15 AM
I vote personality. I worn my son and he has the personality of a grumpy old man. I worn my daughter and she was a much easier baby. I think wearing the baby helps, but I dont think it changes the wiring they were born with.
Good luck. I have no solutions. It was a mere 8 months ago that I was in the same place you are now. Sometimes I still wish I could wear my 16 month old son. Now I just try to ignore the screams because we are doing something that he doesnt want to do. Like, me going to the bathroom or shopping for food. You know those frivolous things.
Posted by: Wendy | June 21, 2007 at 08:28 AM