I'm struggling. Honestly struggling. I feel pulled in two very separate directions. I'm shorter with her. I raise my voice more quickly. And I'm so that parent I didn't really want to be more than I'd like to admit. It's nothing terribly awful -- it's just a result of being overextended and trying to figure out how to make time for myself and my family.
I hold myself to high parenting standards. I know you may not think so, but really, I do. I see the teaching moments. I watch them pass me by as I flip on the television yet again because I'm just too plain tired to function adequately. And then I feel guilty.
So in order to maintain some level of sanity, I'm creating new house rules. Or new "I'm living in someone else's" house rules. And my first order of business is as follows:
Only one child may cry at a time. You are welcome to cry at any given time for any given reason. Crying is healthy, natural, and acceptable -- as is being hurt, and angry. Just make sure you don't feel that way when the other kid does, because you'll just have to hold it in.
I think the downfall of this country is arguably not violence on television, or what exactly high fructose corn syrup is doing to our brains, but really, what the hell people see in these shoes:
You think foreigners believe we're snobby or mannerless and that's why they turn their nose down at us? Um, no. It's because they can't believe we're walking around with those clodhoppers on our feet.
Sorry. Even the Ballet Flats scare me.
I imagine at one point in time, someone, somewhere said the same thing about flip flops. "You put WHAT between your toes? And you're calling them WHAT? Because they make that sound?"
Well, let me be the one to say the same thing about Crocs.
I know. They're incredibly comfortable! They don't slide off! They're "garden chic!"
And if you get stranded on a desert island, a passing airplane will be able to see those ridiculously large, floppy orange shoes on your feet!
I'll take two pairs. You can never be too prepared.
"But you won't fall off your boat" they tout on the website.
Thanks. I was really worried about that. I think I'll just risk slipping on my totally non-existent BOAT. Oh, that's why all of America is wearing them. They all have boats and I don't. Bastards!
And not only will you not slip on your boat, they'll keep you married! (Seriously, go read the website. Their marketing tactics are fascinating). Yes. Because no one else will want to have sex with you if you walk around with those large clunkers on your feet.
And while I find the fact that they resist bacteria somewhat interesting, when did that become a criteria for a good pair of shoes? And is it really that the material resists germs or that you just scare the shit out of bugs when you clop around in their direction?
I've tried to figure out the appeal. Maybe it's because I have gigantic (and as you remember from all lovely commenters -- very sexy) feet and calling attention to them -- sort of like wearing a big sign on my ass that says "Hi. I'm HUGE. In case you didn't notice" would not be my smartest fashion move.
Don't go getting all pissed at me. I'm wearing a breastmilk stained nursing bra and I haven't shaved my pits in two days. It's not like I'm the epitome of fashion here at Casa de Inlaws. Perhaps a pair of crocs might just be the pick me up my sorry post-partum wardrobe needs.
But I'm not the only one who hates Crocs, or thinks they are incredibly dangerous. Okay, I didn't really think they were dangerous but apparently they are. Who knew?. In fact, there are whole organizations that exist to rid the world of the evil that is Crocs.
So, how do you feel about crocs? If you love them, tell me why. If more people LOVE them vs. HATE them, then I will go and steal myself a pair and wear them at Blogher. Okay. I'll actually buy them. But I will do it. So, vote carefully people.
And congrats Vicky. You won a shirt for your wee one. Email me for the details!
Okay. If I didn't live with my in-laws, then I would have no idea why I leave the house. It's perfectly clear that in my current situation, I need to leave the house.
But when I do leave the house, I see things that remind me why I truly believe people are total and complete idiots.
I'm not saying idiots should not have children, mind you. I've made my own share of idiot moves on more than one occasion. And here I am with two kids.
But seriously, when people have kids and then decide that it's cool, funny, or whatever it is that they think to put them in stupid shit like this, maybe they should have tried raising llamas or something first. Because when they dress their kids like that, they are ruining it for the rest of our kids -- our girls and boys who are innocent, youthful, and like to keep their asses IN their shorts and not wear thongs when they are 6 and padded bras shortly thereafter.
They slowly change the face of cute to be something way too grown up for a two-year-old. It changes cute to sexy.
And so, to the woman at Baby Loves Disco who dressed her sweet 2-year-old girl in a personalized shirt that said "Kendra -- Bringing Sexy Back" I say "What the hell were you thinking?" Personally, I just don't think a toddler needs to bring anything back but sharing, cuteness, and manners.
*Win one of the pictured shirts (or Bringing Peace Back) in your kiddo's size. Just leave a comment and tell me what your kid is bringing back. I'll pick a winner at random and who knows, maybe a new kickass shirt design.*