Deja Vu

For the first 12 months of my daughter's life, the nap was my nemesis, or really, more like a phantom that drifted through my home on very rare occasions and only stayed for a good 15 minutes at a time if I had the bouncy seat running on vibrate or was driving in my car.

When my daughter finally took a nap on a flat non-movable surface, I had indeed aged a good 14 years. And my arms and nipples felt like they were going to fall off.

She was never a sleeper.

I was hoping that Drew would take after my side of the family. You know. And actually sleep.

But apparently, this is not the case, or at least, not the case for this week. He was doing famously, snoozing away in the sling or the comfy papasan swing for hours at a time.

And then he decided it would be a good thing to grow. And see past his own nose. And now I can barely get him to stay asleep, even in my arms, for more than 20 minutes. And I find myself singing the same songs, rocking the same rock, and crying the same frustrated tears.

Those tears that say "I'm sorry baby, but I'm tired of holding you for every nap" and "I'm over having to leave my boob in your mouth so you'll stay asleep."

And those tears that remind me of how frustrating and confusing motherhood can be. It's a little easier this time. But it's still motherhood. And no matter how you look at parenting a child, it's still pretty damn hard.

Comments

[KRISTI]

Neither one of my kids were good sleepers. My five year old, who is asthmatic, has eczema, and severe allergies, hardly ever sleeps all night without waking up once. He naps like a champ at school but refuses at home. Usually if I lay down with him, I go to sleep and he is up and running! Best wishes.

[fairly odd mother]

God, mothering is hard. I'm typing this while sitting next to my SIX year old who has decided she needs me to be there while she falls asleep. At least my boobs aren't needed anymore.

Hang in there. You aren't alone.

[Julie Pippert]

AMEN to all of that. I used a moving car, often. Drove up a hefty cell phone bill. Then I started spending money on any tool anyone said would help, but in the end, I've got the backs, boobs and shoudlers that prove I was the best nap aid.

So the second one...well, made different choices. :)

She seems fine.

And she sleeps. On her own. Can even fall asleep on her own. In her own bed. In her own room.

Usually.

[K]

Jaelithe --

I too LOVE sleep -- could sleep anywhere, anytime (even before I had kids).

Damn those genes.

[Beth_C]

My son was a horrible napper as well. When I had my daughter 18 months later I followed the advice of the Sleep Lady. I actually sat in on one of her sleep conference calls before my daughter was born and I followed all of her advice. The result was that my daughter was a wonderful napper! She would take regular naps (not car induced naps like my son would take) but genuine lay her down in the crib and she would fall asleep naps. She would also go to bed at night very easily. We could actually put her down AWAKE and she would put herself to sleep. We never had to CIO.

Please check her out. The Sleep Lady even says that you can retrain children to sleep better...it's just a little harder. It was worth the price of the conference call. I think it was $40 but that was three years ago.

Good luck!

www.sleeplady.com

[jaelithe]

AAAAAAAH this is what I am so afraid of when I think of having a second child. My son was such a terrible sleeper, from birth on. He inherited this trait from his father. (I love sleep. Love it love it love it. Love it more than sex or chocolate or new shoes now that I've learned the way I am when I don't get any for three months straight).

I am SO worried that this no-sleeping thing is caused by a dominant gene . . .

[Sarah]

What's the saying.... you learn from your mistakes? Girl put him down now while you still have a chance. Let him cry.......You'll be thankful in the long run. My first boy was the same way, I would nurse him and as soon as I took that boob out of his mouth and put him in a crib...what the hell.... it's like they instantly knew...how could that be? So I said forget that.....next son I put him in the damn crib from the beginning, there was no fallin asleep abreast or in my bed no less. Let me tell you it got so much easier. Hang in there and rememeber who's boss!!

[Shauna]

I can relate. Nicholas was a stellar - sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old (as in sleeping 12 hours!). Elise, on the other hand, will sleep for 30 minutes at a time - if I'm lucky. And she's still waking at night at 8 months old! We've tried everything and a sleepless, cranky baby makes for a cranky mother. It really can rattle you to your bones.

[Bethiclaus]

Oh...the not napping is the worst. I honestly thought I wasn't going to make it through the day. And then I would. But buy 8 am the next day, I was already wishing the day away.

Hang in there.

[Christina]

Oh, I've been there. Cordy was a horrible sleeper until around 15 months, and then she suddenly started to like sleep. Before 6 months old, she practically lived in the sling, while I was stuck wearing the sling, bouncing on an exercise ball to keep her happy and asleep.

[Kelly]

With the almost 4mo he naps in the bouncy-seat, exclusively. I have to bounce him to sleep, and he sleeps better with the vibrator turned on, but at least I'm not tied to him. I was with the older boy, though, so I feel that pain. I hope Drew can handle napping on his own, soon. At least he's not too big yet, right? (I ask since mine's a whopping 18lbs right now and rocking him to sleep at night leaves my arms killing me.)

[Wendy]

I am so sorry.

I still have nightmares about Sam (currently 14 months old) not sleeping. He wouldnt, couldnt, refused to sleep. It got so bad that I would have to, HAVE TO, put him in his crib to scream. I had to put him down, before I threw him down. After 30 minutes, I would go to him and hold him.

My saver was that Papsan swing. When he got use to it, around 8 weeks, it was the only place he would sleep. And he would only sleep on high speed. He used that swing until he was 8 months old. Dont worry he hadnt reached the weight limit or even come close.

He is doing better, but I have learned that it is not so terrible for him to go in his crib and not sleep. Mommy needs some time to decompressed, before she explodes. It did take time and I wasnt comfortable until he reached 12 months.

You have my sympathies.

[MammaLoves]

I feel your pain. First baby--no problem.

Second baby? HA! I was the human pacifier. I would try everything. Try to replace my nipple with a pacifier once he was asleep. He would wake up immediately and hurl it across the room at five months old. Wouldn't take a thumb....UGH!!

It will end. But it sucks while you're in it. Good thing they're cute.

[Amy H]

Have you tried the dreaded pacifier? I know...I know...people have very strong feelings about the pacifier one way or another. I actually have a thumb sucker so I am not passionate about the pacifier one way or another. We have them, we give them to her if she wants them, but generally she would rather use her thumb.

Maybe if Drew had a pacifier you could remove your boob from his mouth? maybe? Just a thought.

[Heather]

I know the feeling. I think sleeping problems are one of the hardest things to handle as a mom when they are little. And for some reason, my 2nd child was a wonderful sleeper until around 4 months and it was like someone flipped a switch. He stopped napping, he stopped sleeping at night. I know it's frustrating & hard...hugs to you!

[Jennifer]

I wish I had something better to say than "hang in there."

Oh it's so hard when they don't sleep. Hope it gets better soon.