One is Definitely an Accessory

A few months back, my friend Liz told me that folks in NYC say that one kid is an accessory, two kids is a family. And over these past five weeks, I'm come to realize that she is absolutely right. Having two kids (other than test your the limits of your sanity) makes you appreciate the days of having just one.

Funny. I used to complain about that too.

I took my daughter out to a birthday party sans my son the other day and it was a pleasure. Yes. Chasing around after a toddler was SIMPLE because I could focus all my time, energy, and attention on her. You forget how nice that is when you have two. Granted, my husband has turned into "fairly helpful almost not annoying" daddy, which helps greatly. But when I'm alone with them both.

Holy crap. And thank God for Dora.

Trying to put her down for a nap while nursing him is a sight to see. I'm pretty sure it's as good (if not better) than a Saturday Night Live skit. Getting dressed and showered before it's time for me to go to bed is a feat in and of itself, and attempting bed time alone is ridiculous.

So, since a few of my fellow bloggers are about to embark on this new adventure, I figured I'd share what I've learned so far:

1) Slings and carriers become invaluable. My son is in one almost constantly, so make sure the one you get is pretty. Heh.

2) Delegate, delegate, delegate. It's man to man (or woman to man) defense people when you can. And if you can't, then make sure you divide the jobs. My husband gives them both baths at night and then I take the baby and he takes my daughter. Way easier.

3) Be prepard to feel a guilty. It passes, particularly when your daughter is throwing monster tantrums every day. I figured out that she's doing that to alleviate my guilt -- because instead of feeling guilty, I'm feeling tired, annoyed, and frustrated. WHEEEEE!

4) Have some little toys and gifts for your oldest one and give them to him/her when folks come to see the new baby, or just because. Yes. Spoil them. It won't hurt.

5) Get help but be specific in what you need -- for me it was less about holding the baby and more about playing with my daughter and doing laundry.

And know that even over the course of just five weeks, it gets better. I broke in my double stroller (yes, I own one) just yesterday for a lovely jaunt with BOTH my children -- only one person screamed the whole way.

And no. It wasn't me.

My daughter looks forward to her bath with her brother every night, and she's even acknowledging his presence more than when she tells me to put him down.

See what you have to look forward to?

If you've got more helpful suggestions (helpful please, no "scare the crap out of people" warnings), leave them in the comments. We can all use all the help we can get.

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Looking for the Blogging-Book-Along? No worries. It will be here on Friday. Send me your posts and I'll put them up.

Comments

[Christina]

I am committing all of this to memory, even if I am terrified of what is coming. You give me some hope that it will work out and we will survive having two kids.

[tanyetta]

i have a 19 year old and a 2 year old, I still have NOT figured things out around here.

:)

p.s. Jen is a brave brave woman! :)

[Jen]

I have a 5,3,2,and 1 year old. First bit of advice...I don't recommend doing what I did...LOL. I love them to pieces, but I am a sleep deprived, baggy eyed Momma. It does get better with time though. My suggestion is not so much baby related, but Mom related. When family or friends offer to help out with something you need, kindly suggest that they could make up some frozen dinners that you can pop in the oven and... voila, dinner. I found it really hard just getting organized to cook a meal, with a new baby, and a toddler. After the 4th one, we ate a lot of hotdogs. That was the 'oh my God, it's supper already' meal!! I honestly found friends and family bringing me a homemade meal more thoughtful then a baby gift. It made the transition easier.

[Shelly]

The first year is the worst. After that things do get easier. My girls are 3 and 5 so it has been a while since they were both in diapers. When we brought #2 home from NICU our older daughter was thrilled. My big thing is prepare ahead of time for any big deals. We tell the kids over and over what is going to happen, for days before the event. Ex. When it was time to give up the binkie we had talked about it for about a month or so before we actually did it. Thus, when it was the big day she was sort of prepared. She cried at the first nap without her binkie but that night, she was great and every day thereafter. I always explained to my girls even when they were little. Not neccessarily in the way I would explain to an adult or even an older child, but in simple ways. I think kids like to be in the know so even a toddler can appreciate some level of the changes, if we explain. I also make deals with my kids. "Mama will come and check on you in a few minutes, I have to go...(feed the baby, check on daddy, answer the phone, change the laundry, whatever) you just lay here and rest until I get back." Nine times out of ten my child has gone to sleep before I get back there, but I always go back. I want them to know mama keeps her word. If they are asleep, I kiss their forehead or pat their back, and tuck the covers around them. This way the girls don't feel ignored in favor of a sibling or other committment, but I don't spend an hour trying to get them to let me leave.

[Awesome Mom]

My tip is simple: It will get better! Having two kids especially that close in age is tough but as the baby becomes more independent and starts being able to play with toys too life gets a bit easier. It is neat seeing my two sons playing together (of course five seconds into the play session one has a toy the other has to have and screeching happens but I take what I can get).

[Her Bad Mother]

What Nancy siad! Q is a little you! I am just SQUIDGING over here from the cuteness.

[mothergoosemouse]

I swear, on all that is chocolate and/or alcoholic, that it gets to be absolutely amazing. Watching two little people whom you adore beyond words as they play together and hug each other and comfort each other - oh man, it brings tears just to think about it.

K, if Q can hug him like that when he's screaming himself purple, I can only imagine how much they will love each other in a few short months.

[Mom101]

The crap has already been amply scared out of me. It's sort of like an emotional colonic, isn't it.

[Jennifer]

I was a lucky winner of one of those baby slings. If my daughter ends up not liking to be in it, I'm wearing it anyway.

Thanks for these suggestions. I need to get cracking on the shopping for my 16 month's old big brother presents.

[jenn]

Suburban, I'm due with #2 in 5 weeks, so yeah, me too. #1 is 2.5. Both boys. (Seriously though Kristen, thanks for this post... I think I'll print it out.)

[Suburban Turmoil]

Great. I'm fucked.

Wait... Can I say that here?

[Much More Than A Mom]

Thanks for the book-a-long reminder. Apparently I suck at Wednesdays. Friday I can do!

[Nancy]

Holy crap, K. Does Q ever look like you in that picture!

I would agree with #4 specifically, and add that what worked really well for us was to have baby Rosie bring Mimi a present when she came home from the hospital. That went a looong way toward encouraging goodwill between siblings.