I often wonder if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
Well. If I was really doing what I was supposed to be doing right now, my house would be cleaner and my kid wouldn't have every single Dora episode memorized.
I mean as far as life goes. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?
As I see my daughter's interests grow -- her penchant for dancing, music, singing, and art -- I wonder how I'm supposed to know what she's supposed to do and be.
My parents started me in ballet and violin at 3. Four years later I was acting, singing, and karating (is that a word?). I never said I wanted to do any of that -- they just decided it was right for me. Turns out I was pretty decent at violin and ended up staying in it through college. But what if I would have been just as good on flute? or clarinet? or tuba?
I never played sports. I never ice skated. And I never did one single beauty pagaent.
I mean what if I was supposed to be the first half-Asian basketball playing Miss America and my parents just totally missed the boat? (or would it be ball?)
My parents cut off my ballet lessons at 16 much to my devastation. My dad wouldn't allow me to go to Japan to model because he thought I was too young. And while I'm deeply satisfied with my life as it stands -- children, career, and interests, I still ask myself "what if?"
Am I who I'm supposed to be? Doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Or is the circle of my life not yet complete?
I'm certainly not one to try my child in anything and everything, but I still want her to be able to find her path and more importantly her passions. I'm just unsure as to how to guide her without leading her in the wrong direction. If she loves something, will she always love it? If she wants to give something up, should I let her?
What part of who we are today -- our life choices, our jobs, our hobbies, and our own passions had to do with our parents' choices? How do I know where she should go and what she should try? And if I mislead her, will she be able to come around, full circle, and be where she was supposed to be all along?