Motherhood Uncensored

Coming Around Full Circle

I often wonder if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Well. If I was really doing what I was supposed to be doing right now, my house would be cleaner and my kid wouldn't have every single Dora episode memorized.

I mean as far as life goes. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?

As I see my daughter's interests grow -- her penchant for dancing, music, singing, and art -- I wonder how I'm supposed to know what she's supposed to do and be.

My parents started me in ballet and violin at 3. Four years later I was acting, singing, and karating (is that a word?). I never said I wanted to do any of that -- they just decided it was right for me. Turns out I was pretty decent at violin and ended up staying in it through college. But what if I would have been just as good on flute? or clarinet? or tuba?

I never played sports. I never ice skated. And I never did one single beauty pagaent.

I mean what if I was supposed to be the first half-Asian basketball playing Miss America and my parents just totally missed the boat? (or would it be ball?)

My parents cut off my ballet lessons at 16 much to my devastation. My dad wouldn't allow me to go to Japan to model because he thought I was too young. And while I'm deeply satisfied with my life as it stands -- children, career, and interests, I still ask myself "what if?"

Am I who I'm supposed to be? Doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Or is the circle of my life not yet complete?

I'm certainly not one to try my child in anything and everything, but I still want her to be able to find her path and more importantly her passions. I'm just unsure as to how to guide her without leading her in the wrong direction. If she loves something, will she always love it? If she wants to give something up, should I let her?

What part of who we are today -- our life choices, our jobs, our hobbies, and our own passions had to do with our parents' choices? How do I know where she should go and what she should try? And if I mislead her, will she be able to come around, full circle, and be where she was supposed to be all along? 

Baby Gone Goth

Thanks Deb!

Leg coverings by Baby Legs, Shoes by Cute Baby Shoes, Incredibly adorable 2 month old by Motherhood Uncensored.

*If you're looking for the Real Mom Truths, they are here. Do one. Link to the site. Then email me.

At Least I Know That NOW Won't Be Awarding Me Feminist Mother of the Year

Princess dress by my Mother-in-Law, wand by my Sister-in-Law, and face painting by Baby Loves Disco.

Ridiculous off-the-shoulder bombshell styling... ALL BY HERSELF.

The Fast Forward Parent

My mom and dad were fast forward parents. Anything they didn't want us to watch, or really, what they didn't want to have to discuss with us, they would fast forward. And so I became a rewind kid. When my parents weren't home, I'd pop in the video tape, and rewind to all the good parts that I had missed.

Hi. Top Gun sex scene.

My daughter is not yet at the point where she can comprehend all that I desire to fast forward. It's never really sex scenes since other than some passionate lip locking done by Belle and Beast and there's not much sex happening on Little Einsteins and Dora (although I've often wondered why Boots is so damn cheerful). But death is a topic I feel compelled to pretend like it never happened.

How exactly do you explain that to a 2-year-old?

Initially, I would just change the words in her stories - where Cinderella's mother died and then her father died - and make up something else. Hell. I do that with the "happily ever after" stuff (damn those princesses), so why not just say that her father had plastic surgery and needed some respite and TLC at one of those weekend bed and breakfasts?

I'm not sure I've ever felt so awkward as to see the words "die" or "death" in front of me and the big eyes of my toddler drilling holes into my head. She hasn't yet asked me what they are, nor does she discuss why Gaston was on a mission to kill "the Beast." But I think about it. And I'm compelled to do something... except what I'm compelled to do is what my parents did. And I know that the only thing being a fast forward parent did for me was make me even more curious.

Perhaps it's because I'm not comfortable with death myself, or that I am not comfortable with what I believe about what happens after death. If I had a cookie cutter answer or one that I trusted, maybe I'd be able to share it with her. But I still fear death (or really, leaving my children), and I don't really know where I'm going to go (although here would be nice), so what do I say to her?

I haven't yet hit fast forward and I've started saying the words. I suppose it's one of those parenting rites of passage that will just happen. She's going to ask me -- hell, she's already asked me about the fuzz so Lord knows what will be next. Except unlike my parents, I plan on being prepared and open to the discussion. And if she wants to fast forward, she can.

But I'll be there with her when she's ready to rewind.

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Bad is Not the New Good, Especially When It Comes to Our Kids

You can win a book below... and if you're a preggo with pants that keep falling down, read this (yes, more free stuff!) (and check out the PSA at the bottom of the post!)

I'm fairly health conscious, at least when it comes to my daughter's eating habits. And thankfully, she's a good eater, so long as you don't try to get her to eat raw veggies or weird meats (but really, who likes weird meats anyway).

But, I'm still a obsessive concerned parent, particularly when it comes to forming good habits as she gets older and becomes more opinionated, less like a 2-year-old, and more like an elementary school kid who wants to sit around and watch tv and play video games all day. Thus was the impetus for me to attempt to read "Good Kids, Bad Habits" by Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg.

As I mentioned on the radio show last week, I had sort of given up reading for Lent. Ha. No actually I gave it up since having kids. But I will say that this book was extremely easy to read through, thanks to little quizzes, important point boxes, and charts. LOTS OF HELPFUL CHARTS.

Since I have a toddler, much of the book didn't yet pertain to me -- I don't yet need to worry about her exercise and energy level -- it's more mine that I need to think about. But I did find the sections on eating (a great chart that shows how many servings of what per age), hygiene (she calls it "spiff up" -- cute!), and gear (oh to have had this when I was registering). The information is invaluable and presented in a non-threatening and "I can find it even though I haven't had any sleep for 14 years" type way. Basically, anyone can read it and find something valuable without feeling like a terrible parent.

Since I'm just a bit anti-doctor and vaccinations, I found it to be very heavy on that "make sure they've seen a doctor please please please" -- but I'm used to that and it wasn't a turn off at all. And if I was worried about my child's health and wanted to know ways to make them healthier, this would surely be my pick of book.

If you want to see how healthy (or not) your kids' habits are, take her cool test here. And if you'd like to win a copy of the book, leave me a comment telling me your worst habit when you were a kid! I'll pick a winner at random on Wednesday!

This review was brought to you by Mother-Talk.

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I'll save all my thoughts on this well-discussed topic for the show tonight. Special Guest - author, blogger, and consummate cocktail mommy, Stefanie Wilder Taylor.

Many of you have emailed me to share your thoughts on the topic. I hope you'll grab a beer, glass of wine, or hell, shot o' tequila, and join us.

9-10 pm EST (646) 915-8634

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And if you want a good laugh, read the comments to this post. SERIOUSLY.