Motherhood Uncensored

Dear Weird Men with Big Feet Fetishes Who Left Comments About Foot Jobs on a Mommy Blog:

Ew.

Sincerely,

Motherhood Uncensored

PS. They're big, not huge. There's a difference.

Where Oh Where Has My Sex Drive Gone?

Probably to the desert along with my vah-jay-jay juices.

Check it out.

View From the Breast

I've found myself somewhat ambivalent about breastfeeding. On some days, it's extremely natural and I can't imagine feeding him any other way. But then I leak and I get engorged and I forget which boob I last fed him on.

And I realize why many women can't do it.

Of all the things I've learned about being a mother, it's knowing my own limitations. I was a die-hard breastfeeder with my daughter, suffering through almost a year of an elimination diet. I cloth diapered her and made my own baby food. And we delayed vaccinations.

And I cried. A lot.

I soon realized that I needed to let go because I wasn't able to handle the pressure I was putting on myself. And while I did breastfeed until she was 21 months, I stopped cloth diapering after a year, and making my own baby food after a week. 

Now my daughter eats hot dogs and baked beans. She even had a dorito today. She also eats brown rice and drinks organic juice.

Sometimes I aspire to be that die-hard mom I thought I would be, but then I realize I just can't do it. And I realize that it's okay to have differing opinions, even when it comes to the choices you make for each of your children. I was a different person then, in different circumstances. I'm a bit older, and a bit wiser.

And I've changed.

Formula is not the devil. Neither are all vaccinations. I probably won't make my own baby food, but I'll still use cloth diapers for as long as I can. I like babies, at least ones like my son who seems to be fairly laidback and predictable. And I realize that this may all change in an instant. 

So I will enjoy the view from the breast for as long as it will last. The time where I can hold him in my arms and look down at him from above are short -- too short to be riddled by regret and guilt about what I should have done.

I'm looking forward and down. For there I see hope.

 

Coming Around Full Circle

I often wonder if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Well. If I was really doing what I was supposed to be doing right now, my house would be cleaner and my kid wouldn't have every single Dora episode memorized.

I mean as far as life goes. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?

As I see my daughter's interests grow -- her penchant for dancing, music, singing, and art -- I wonder how I'm supposed to know what she's supposed to do and be.

My parents started me in ballet and violin at 3. Four years later I was acting, singing, and karating (is that a word?). I never said I wanted to do any of that -- they just decided it was right for me. Turns out I was pretty decent at violin and ended up staying in it through college. But what if I would have been just as good on flute? or clarinet? or tuba?

I never played sports. I never ice skated. And I never did one single beauty pagaent.

I mean what if I was supposed to be the first half-Asian basketball playing Miss America and my parents just totally missed the boat? (or would it be ball?)

My parents cut off my ballet lessons at 16 much to my devastation. My dad wouldn't allow me to go to Japan to model because he thought I was too young. And while I'm deeply satisfied with my life as it stands -- children, career, and interests, I still ask myself "what if?"

Am I who I'm supposed to be? Doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Or is the circle of my life not yet complete?

I'm certainly not one to try my child in anything and everything, but I still want her to be able to find her path and more importantly her passions. I'm just unsure as to how to guide her without leading her in the wrong direction. If she loves something, will she always love it? If she wants to give something up, should I let her?

What part of who we are today -- our life choices, our jobs, our hobbies, and our own passions had to do with our parents' choices? How do I know where she should go and what she should try? And if I mislead her, will she be able to come around, full circle, and be where she was supposed to be all along? 

Real Annoying Husbands

Do selfish loads of laundry.

Real Annoying Dads... Pissing Moms Off By Washing Their Own Damn Gym Shorts When There Are 14000 Breastmilk Stained Onesies About to Walk Off On Their Own

(Anyone care to share?)