The Post-Partum Sex: (Read: I Think I'm Going to Die Again)

*Updated below*

Since all you lovelies bore your souls and your butts to me last week, I thought it only appropriate to continue with a full week of total disclosure.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm only sorry that all your sympathy couldn't help my bleeding butt, but it does make me feel just a little bit better knowing I'm not the only one.

Can I just add a sad little side note that I bought the cream with the tip, but for the life of me, I couldn't actually find my own butthole to put it in there because of... you guessed it... the damn swollen hemmarhoids.

I mean how embarrassing is it when your husband offers to find it for you. WHO can't find their own butthole?

I digress.

So, let's just hang it all out there, shall we? And what better a topic than sex, particularly the post-partum kind which, I have come to learn, must involve some type of lubricant.

YOUCH.

The first time around, I was indeed horny considering I had not DTD for like 4 months. Very pregnant me + sex = VERY BAD SCENARIO and fun for no one. BUT, I had no idea how dry it would be and while I did buy some astro glide, I sort of felt like a high school kid slapping it on all over the place...

And then my husband didn't get why it was so dry (duh) and was all like "you're not into this" when I really was but HELLO! Breastfeeding = Sahara Desert Down Below (SDDB).

Anyway, we haven't done it yet. (Aren't you glad you know that about me now?). But I'm sort of ready. Except we're at my in-laws and it's loud and the bed is creaky and so much for ambience. And the SDDB is pretty bad this time.

So, talk to me about getting back on the wagon (or is it off?). How was it? What did you use? How did it go? 

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My new sex column Mominatrix (yes, you read that correctly) is up and running. Check it out and send me your questions. Don't be shy!

Comments

[MamaBunny]

I had a 3rd deg tear and an episiotomy! Postpartum sex=pain and pain. We first tried 6 weeks pp, then waited a few more months, went to the OB/GYN, got some of my scar tissue (cauterized?), tried again, ... long story... fast forward to 3 years postpartum, and went back to the OB/GYN to finally get a proper diagnosis and treatment: I went to see a urogynecologist who has experience with treating dysparenuia (= painful sex) and am seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist. After 3 PT sessions and kegels, dilator exercises at home -whoo-hoo I can have sex again and it doesn't hurt!

(Kristen: I love reading your blogs; I found them courtesy of Ayun Halliday!)

[b]

Oh, the first time after the baby. This is the stuff nightmares are made of. I called my mother out on that one. (Many moons after husband and I were back in the swing of things.) I said, "You know, I'm not really into getting sex advice from my mom, but considering you had 8 kids it may have been nice if you recommended I buy some KY before I thought that childbirth broke my girl-parts." In my mother's famous fashion she just shrugged and said, "How do you know I ever needed it?" Barf.

[Sarah's Dandelions]

In reference to your post about birth control... which I can't find now... (ok... I haven't looked that hard)
I, like you, don't want to go on birth control (ps. my baby is 4 mo old)

and condoms = not for us.

Yet... getting pregnant... again... not for us (right now)

ANYWAY.

We discovered the Natural Lamb condoms are WAAAYYYY better than the latex - (we actually don't mind them - and we don't like condoms)

so... maybe give those a try?? They also help with lubrication.

[Kara]

I was scared to death to get back on the wagon after my daughter. I had no idea what childbirth would be like and it was rough so the thought of anything but an icepack, well, it wasn't going to happen on my watch. We waited four months! With my son I was not so much of a baby and a little more confident so only waited the six weeks postpartum. Even then, it wasn't as bad as the first. Must be having the second child thing. Oh, I didn't know that it was uncomfortable for women who had c-sections too. I learned something new today.

[Kristen]

yeah. i found my butthole. i'm just not ready for my husband to be finding it for me. i mean, i know he saw me pop out a baby, but my butthole? in the light?

eh. not so much.

[Kristen]

yeah. i found my butthole. i'm just not ready for my husband to be finding it for me. i mean, i know he saw me pop out a baby, but my butthole? in the light?

eh. not so much.

[Much More Than A Mom]

Oh, and my book-along book still hasn't arrived so I might (will) have to post late for the first section. Maybe someone at customs has kids and wants to try 1-2-3 Magic?

[Much More Than A Mom]

I had a C-section and we started back on the wagon at 3 weeks. It wasn't so bad, but I made him use a condom - just in case - and that was gross (just b/c I hate them with a passion) but the KY seemed to do the trick. With a vaginal birth I'm sure I would have waited a hell of a lot longer!

[Kelly]

We took things very very slowly. I tore and the stitches didn't want to reabsorb so I was kinda paranoid. Thankfully (?!?) I've had on-again off-again issues with dryness for years (yay for being diabetic?!) so we've run the gambit of personal lubricants and have a variety to choose from always on hand (wanted to know that, didn't you!). It still was uncomfortable, and took a few tries that ended with "Ok, not ready yet. Maybe in a few days?" and us using alternate methods. However, with more tries and a lot of patience we've gotten to the "back where things used to be" stage. If only we didn't desire sleep over sex, now.

[Amanda]

I was afraid to even look at my own girl & booty parts for at least two months after giving birth, much less touch them.

My secret to reconvening the procedure was to, uh, make sure I climaxed at least once before playing hide the salami.

Am I allowed to say that here?!?

[Karly]

I'm just going to get up here on my high horse and admit that it didn't hurt. It pinched a little after my first baby, but it didn't really hurt at all after the second one. Does that mean that my cooter got all stretched out and thats why it didn't hurt? I'm going to say no. But, just in case, I'm getting off my high horse.

Also, I must know, DID HE find your butthole for you? Or did you turn down his offer? I don't know why I must know that, I just must.

[RAS]

The first time we tried, four weeks post-partum, I couldn't go through with it. My yelps of pain pretty much ruined the mood. Like Amy, I thought my c-section was a "get out of painful nookie free" card. Wrong.

We waited a few weeks before we tried again, with lots of help from the good people at KY. And it was good. Embarrasingly enough, things were just not fun at all when I was pregnant (I don't know why), and I had actually forgotten that sex was fun. It was a huge relief to feel good again.

[Amy H]

I wish someone had told me about the dryness before I had a baby. I knew it would hurt just because you hear "oh, it will hurt the first time back" but I had a c-section so I figured that I would get to skip the pain. UGH. Pain. For several months. I didn't know it would be dry and I didn't prepare for that. Plus, since it was so infrequent it hurt every time. Now 7 months after she was born we are ok...but the key is to try and be together more often so it doesn't hurt as much. Does it ever go back to normal...you know, when I can wait a few weeks and it doesn't hurt so bad?
good topic again this week.

[Amanda]

I just want to say - I've not yet had kids, so I really appreciate you putting all this out there. It's the stuff nobody wants to talk about or hear, but it's the stuff that's MOST important. Not knowing all this is why there are so many people out there who get pissy when parents are frustrated, exhausted, and confused. "I won't be like that," they say. They have no idea.

And, until I ran across your blog, I didn't, either. (Though I assumed there was more to it than people said.) So, thank you - I'm still going to have kids, but I feel like I'll go into it much more informed.

[Jennifer]

Lots and lots of ky jelly. And slow, very slow. Not so fun the first few times, but it got better.

Good luck!

And I'm not laughing at you for not being able to find your butthole, really, I'm not (giggle). It's more of a nervous laugh, cause I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

[mammaloves]

Damn hormones!!

I went from sahara to overly saturated (read no friction for poor hubby). It's likely we'll never have to worry about birth control again with three kids and the uncertainty the conditions we'll find.

No one tells you this beforehand do they? It's a good things those little babies are so darn cute and don't talk when they first come out.