It's Easier Than You Think
So out come the skeptics. Does the counting really work? What if they don't stay in time out? What if they pee on the floor in time out (yes, that just happened to me yesterday! WOOHOO).
Well, Dr. Phelan does not fail you, my skeptical friends. But you must give it a chance to work. And like he says, it might get worse before it gets better.
The basic premise is this, for any "stop" behavior, you count. You say it with no emotion, no talking, and no explanation. For young kids, you might just be able to do it without explaining this new weird thing that mom and dad are doing. For older kids, you might need to explain.
Either way, take this example.
Quinlan: No
Me: That's one.
Quinlan: But mommy (whining voice)
Me: That's two.
SHE. STOPS.
If you get to three, you tell them to take 10 or 15 or whatever (time out). Then you don't discuss, unless you feel that it's absolutely necessary and start over.
Sounds easy, right? But the key is not to say it with clenched teeth and a pissy voice. And to be consistent. When in doubt. COUNT. And remember. You're not just counting to three to get them to stop, you're counting actual behaviors (such as whining, talking back, manipulating, etc.).
Now, don't go get your panties in a wad -- it's not for everything -- it's not for every kid (particularly those with extra issues which he discusses later in the book). But it does work. Really. It does. And what I love about it, is that it works with all types of those stop behaviors -- so kids know when they are going to get a time out. You count one for whining, two for talking back, and then three for saying "no." It's simple, it's painless, and for the most part, I'm way less bothered by her behaviors. It's predictable, not some random thing when they do something that ticks you off and then you give them one warning but then you don't remember that you gave them a warning.
It's right there. They heard you.
He offers great time-out alternatives and answers the common questions like -- what if they want to stay in the time out room (eh, duh, leave them and go drink!), why don't they get time out after one (because you're giving them chances -- be human people!), and what if they won't stay in the room (he offers a bunch of different solutions).
Here's what my fellow bloggers had to say:
Corey is worried about her son staying in time out (which he already doesn't do). Who knows! Maybe you won't get to time outs as often.
Jennifer loved the consistency (me too!).
Kara said it worked great with her daughter while they were out shopping (and I have to agree). And remember, if time outs aren't available, use the list of other things that work as time out replacements. My daughter is a huge DORA fan. Works every time.
Nicole mentioned a great quote: "The long term welfare of your kids comes before short term worries about what others are going to think.” And when you count -- it looks way better than the other stuff that people try. TRUST ME!
CPA Mom sent me an awesome run down of the chapters! She's been getting hit hard with a troll, so her blog is password protected, but if you want a clear rundown of the chapters, email me and I'll share the good stuff she shared with me.
So, what do you think? Have you read the book? Have questions for us -- you know, since we're parenting experts now? HA. Leave some comments. Let us know!
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