Apparently in Order to Be Considered Hot, You Shouldn't Look Like You Ever Had Kids

I'm not sure which question I dread more. Is it the "Is he sleeping through the night?" or the "Are you back in your old clothes?" question that most makes me want to vomit on the person who asked it.

The truth is neither of them are realistic during the first year post baby, but it seems as though lately, I'm having trouble understanding why I'm asked to deny my motherhood in order to be considered hot.

Perhaps there are those women (read: Gwenyth Paltrow and Elizabeth Hurley) that drop the baby weight within the first 6 weeks after having their children. But for the most part, I think it takes women a good 9 months (you know, the amount of time it took you to put it on) to feel like they are back to "themselves." And even then, there's still the stretch marks, the floppy belly, and those boobs.

Oh. Those. Boobs.

But if you notice, women who have those boobs, and that butt don't get the compliments. It's the moms who get it all together, drop their weight, slip back into their old jeans, and strut it that are considered HOT. And really, it's because they don't look like moms, right?

"You don't even look like you had a kid!" Isn't that the biggest compliment? I know I've done my fair share of basking in that after I had my daughter and shrank back into two sizes smaller than I was thanks to my elimination diet.

I discussed this issue with Rachael and Francesca on the air last week (you can listen by clicking on the media player in my right side bar) in regards to the term MILF. Why is it so degrading to many women? And why, on the other hand, are there women that look at it as something to aspire to?

The original word was used to describe Jennifer Coolidge, a late 40-something, larger-sized mother of a teenage boy in American Pie. But really, when I think of it, the small, single-digit sized, large breasted model type comes to mind.

Funny how that happens, huh?

And while there are many women that feel the term MILF is not offensive, there is something to be said about it being fairly limiting. That we're only hot because we're moms, and because we don't look like them.

And so I ask, when will it be hot to be a *regular old mom -- with our "battle scars", and stretched out hips, thighs, and you-know-whats? Is the skinny size 4 = sexy image embrazened in our minds forever, or is that something that we have the power to change?

Like Francesca, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to take back the term MILF. But perhaps we can create something else that says, "I'm hot, even with my flabby stomach." And if you don't like your flabby stomach, by all means, do 400 sit-ups. But, know that you're still a hottie even with it.

At least you should think so.

*This site contains nudity. Please be aware of that before you click through.

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Comments

[Lotta]

Well said Julie, I'm not sure what else I could add to that great comment.

[Julie]

Ah yes, the MILF Weight Loss Group that Lotta started.

I'm a member. I post weekly.

Maybe I'm not twisted-knicker principled enough but I don't really care what it's called. Lotta, who started it, is fantastic and the group has been a fabulous help for me as I head towards health.

The group has been a support network and helpful motivator for exercise and healthy eating, losing weight to be a healthy size and free of increased risk of health conditions and hopefully losing some health problems I gained along with the weight. Some bloggers test and report on the many diet products out there. Many talk about healthy and support healthy weight loss (1-2 lbs per week). We each talk about getting over hurdles and answering challenges. We suggest good exercise methods and how to fit it into a busy mom life.

This group---simply---rocks.

As I explained on Mad Hatter's blog, it's not about hitting someone else's expectations for me of HOT. It's not about getting back to how we looked pre-kids.

It's about getting healthy. Not one single member of that group that I have read has mentioned wanting to look hot (not even for men, not even for young men, as one commenter accused us of being molesting perverts) based on some Hollyweird standard. We're all trying to be healthy.

Did you happen to catch Lotta's post In Defense of MILFs? http://mom-o-matic.blogspot.com/2007/01/in-defense-of-future-milfs.html

It was a fantastic explanation of the group.

She says:

"I weigh 245 pounds. Yup, that's right - 2 freaking 45. I wear it well but it's all there baby. I'll never be, nor do I envision myself being a perfect size 6. What I want is to get to a point where I feel healthy and sexy again. Of course I'm currently a MILF - my husband proved that just the other day. But I don't feel like one. And that's half the battle. If you feel like a hot sexy tamale at 220 or 120 then that is where you should be and that's what this movement is all about."

How can I possibly say it any better than that?

ITA with you about this Hollyweird Obsession with looking as if you had never passed age 22 or had any kids, but that's a larger issue in general.

What troubles me is seeing an assumption made and a lumping in of our weight loss group with that same idealogy.

Spend a Friday reading all of the Future MILF blogs. In fact, read my most recent MILF blog post: Puhleeze...Tyra Banks is NOT FAT! http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com/2007/02/puhleezetyra-banks-is-not-fat.html

I think you'll see that we agree in principle.

I don't think MILF has to only mean, "That we're only hot because we're moms, and because we don't look like them."

I think MILF can mean: ME, this is ME and I FEEL HOT looking like ME, the best ME I can be! What I care about is how I feel, and measuring myself as feeling good and looking good for me.

I look like someone who has passed age 22 (and age 32 and then some) and had two children. I am cool with that.

Today I pulled on pants two sizes smaller than I wore six months ago and not only did they button easily (which they didn't a month ago) but there wasn't even a muffin top. It's a size 12. It's a great size for me. I feel like a million bucks. I feel hot.

Call the group whatever you like, but we are on task to take back the image of Real Women---with curves, hips, thighs, cellulite, scars, stretch marks, and so forth---are Hot.

I believe we can do it.

I knew I was there when I found the lingerie-clad Molly Simms---after even more lost weight---scary and appalling. I knew men could get there too whenI turned to my husband and saw him watching her on Las Vegas with a sort of screwed up face too.

"Is she hot?" I asked him.

"Not that skinny she isn't!"

We can learn that healthy is sexy, not wrongly skinny*. And we can pass it along, too.

* I say wrongly skinny because women come in all shapes and sizes. Skinny isn't per se a problem. Some women are naturally skinny. It's about being at your healthy size.

[Cara]

Ya know what amazes me is when I see magazines at the grocery store with headlines like "Is Britney Pregnant Again?" or "Does Angelina Have a New Bump?" I'm like...uh...didn't they just give birth a few months ago? Did it ever occur to you that they might just not have LOST the baby weight yet? Jeesh!

[Damselfly]

You're right. It almost seems there is a lot of pressure on women to get back to their previous size. As if creating life isn't enough of a feat!

The thing that gets me is that, even though I've been able to drop my weight mainly through breastfeeding, and a lot of my pre-preggo clothes now fit, I still have this nice little roll around my waist so the clothes don't fit the same anymore.