Too Shy Shy, Hush Hush Eye You Dee

*PSA Below

I got the birth control talk from my midwife today. I'm not even two weeks post partum, and granted, every single dream I have at night (within those blessed three hour stretches of REM) is like a bad soft porn video, it's really not the first thing on my mind.

Mmmmm.... a bouncy mid-section, large milky boobs, and an ass I still can't believe is my own.

Not. so. hot.

However, I totally understand the need for birth control while breastfeeding. I got pregnant twice and miscarried twice. And while I can't direct link both of those to breastfeeding, I'd prefer to err on the side of caution and not endure that again.

And of course, when it's clearly medically unadvisable to have sex until my you know what stops you know whatting, my husband's libido decides to make a comeback.

Yes. Because the first thing a tired, achy, recovering preggo wants to see is her husband's penis swinging around at her in the dark.

Sounds so tempting, doesn't it?

But really, we've never really done well with condoms, I've never really done well on birth control pills (hello, flaming lunatic) and I'm not so much for shoving something way up onto my cervix ala sponge or diaphragm. Seriously, an OB tampon practically gives me the willies. And so, I'm looking into the IUD.

"It's all the rage" the nurse at the hospital told me.

"Like Coach bags?" I replied, laughing heartily at my own joke.

"No really. They're the best thing out there" she told me, with an oddly serious tone.

But sticking something, up there, sort of permanently, just doesn't sound that appealing. Don't you feel it? Don't you wonder -- is it clean? Is it safe? Is it not contaminating my body from the inside out? And how, in God's name, do they get it up there? Or do I have to do it?

Cripey.

I'm thinking we're just going to have to go ala 10th grade and do the pull out method. Now where's the damn KY Warming Mist PR people when you need them?

--

After you're done telling me how many kids you've had with the pull-out method (teehee), stop here for a special Motherhood Uncensored Shout Out, and then come dish about Top Chef. The finale is tonight people!

Comments

[apollomama]

I have an IUD, it has almost been 5 years, I tout it was going good, but now I got my yearly exam and turns out that my IUD fell in and they can't even see the strings, but so far i have not gotten pregnant so we are using condoms just in case, I have to kids already and my youngest will be in kindergarden this year. I am a bit scare to get it pulled out, they said it has to be done in the hospital, and that is as much as they will tell me, so i am hoping all is ok in there and i dont know if i should get another one after they take this one out.

[Beth B.]

Your post inspired me to try the new KY intrigue. I shelled out some $$ because I liked the pink box - and then I found you can get a free sample!!!!
http://www.kyintrigue.com/kyintrigue/intrigue.html#sample
Just in case anyone else wants a try.

[Kyla]

*waves* Hi, I'm new here.

My husband believe that pulling out is 100% effective, its just that teenagers usually DON'T pull out, but when they get knocked up? And people are like "Hello! Why did you not use BC?" They blurt out "But he pulled out!" to make it seem like they tried SOMETHING...thus tarnishing the good reputation of pulling out. Its his theory anyway.

But order one of these, just in case:
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/baby/-/pv_design_details/pg_2/id_13258893/opt_/fpt_/c_360/

[Stacey]

If you really do want to avoid all the artifical methods of birth control please visit www.ovusoft.com or read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. There is a bit more work involved with this method than with just pulling out, but it really does work if you make the effort. It is not the rhythm method. It is similar but it is much more effective.

I have 2 kids and only 2 kids, when I wanted to have them because of this method and there are many many women on their forums with similar stories.

[Nancy]

I vote for the nuvaring.

[Alexandra]

It's funny how many times I was thinking "I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!" while reading that entry! Our baby is now 3 months old-growing up to fast-and we are still using the pull-out method. I feel the same way, this is very high school of us, but then again, nothing else works for us. The IUD sounds great, but I read that when they first came out people were getting infections with them because there was this string constantly hanging around, while going to the bathroom & whatnot... sounds dirty, huh? Yeah, they've supposively fixed it up now, but that still sort of makes me sick. I refuse to take medication, so no patch, pill, whatever. & the condom thing is a joke for us! So...the pull-out method continues... We've never gotten pregnant from it before, so hopefully I didn't just jinx us there...

I love your blog & I look forward to continuing to read! You are a very talented writer!

Take Care, Alexandra

[Jessica Brown]

Mirena (IUD) all the way, after two pregancies on the pill, this was my best bet, it can stay in for as long as five years, but you can have your gyno take it out whenever you want.

Minor discomfort when it was inserted (just like a Pap Smear), but no side effects and effective, two years child free! One in five Australian Women have these, oh yeah also very cheap, like $30 AUD for five years as opposed to $30 AUD per month!

[Cecilia]

I read about digital birth control kits in a magazine years ago. They were only available in the UK, and I managed to get one. They work in tandem w/these little pee sticks (similar to a fertility awareness kit I guess). I haven't used it yet (so can't give a first hand review) because I've been pregnant or nursing for the past 13 years (your cycle needs to be regular for effectiveness). Anyway my midwife swears by this method. Here's one link I found. There are actually lots of brands out there-
http://www.babycomp-ladycomp.co.uk/
Could be great for some of you non-nursing or nursing/ovulating moms with reg. cycles out there.

[bernalgirl]

In case you're thinking of an unscientific study, I also got pregnant while breastfeeding and also miscarried. I know people have healthy babies while breastfeeding all the time, but I do kind of wonder of my body was telling me I was already oversubcribed.

Anyway, good luck with your choice. My friends who are not TTC love the Mirena IUD... I guess it *is* all the rage.

[Mrs. Q.]

You are a trooper for thinking of this 2 weeks post. My stitches hadn't even healed! I had surgery more than three months after my first and had to convince the surgeon that it was OK to skip the pregnancy test because there was nothing going on in that area. My husband seconded that with , "Um, if she's pregnant, it's certainly not mine."

I've been debating what to do after my second child is born in May. It took us YEARS to get pregnant with the first, so I just assumed we weren't very fertile. But #2 took one try, so... damn. I guess condoms again? I've had two friends whose husbands got snipped and said it was no big deal, so that's an option.

My girlfriend, who had her second child two months ago, just had an IUD put in by her midwife. Guess they stick a big speculum/tube in the cervix to get that springy-thingy in there. The midwife said she'd feel some 'pressure,' but she almost fell off the table. The midwife was a little surprised, until she remembered that her two kids had to be delivered by C-section (breech), so the cervix had never really been stretched out. Yeehaw. She cramped for two days. Plus, they want her to 'try it out' and have sex in the next 30 days, and she was like, "Um, do I HAVE to?"

[Jess]

Condoms are our friends. hehe. I had a girlfriend who had a horrible experience with an IUD. It was embedded in her uterus so she had it removed. Well while delivering her 3rd child the rest of it came flying out. Very scary. Luckily it did not mess with her fertility. My OB recommends them but I passed.

[Robina]

Hey, I'm not even going to read the other comments, cause I'm sure what other people will say. I'm 42 and have used the pull-out methods ALWAYS. I can't stand condems, can NOT take the pill, and will not shove anything up there. All four my kids were planned in advance (more than five minutes LOL).

[Kimba]

After my first (who I got pregnant with while on the pill) I used Depo-Provera shots for years & having nothing but good to say about it! No periods, no other side effects...can't beat that!

[maria]

oh my gosh, you all make me so happy I bit the bullet and had the tubes taken care of. When you really know you are done (as I did) it is the best choice.

best of luck with whichever route you decide to go

[joy]

hey! me too! (on the IUD). Mine's going in next month--how about we do parallel liveblogging of the event? Or compare/contrast analysis of our experiences. it's sure to be stellar reading!

(seriously, I am squeamish too, but I am lazy with the pills, and pretty much all other forms. And I am DONE).

[Cindy]

There is also Depo Provera (an injection every 3 months) which can be done during breastfeeding...(It was 10 years ago that I used it though...)

There is also the Nuvaring, if that might appeal to you...I thought my doc was insane when she described it, but I do love it. ( www.nuvaring.com/ ) Good Luck!

[radmama]

FYI to those with Dalkon shield horror stories: the new IUDs have gone through much better testing. I did a LOT of research before trying them because I was a Dalkon shield baby. Unplanned pregnancy was the least awful side effect of that product. :-/

I suppose my son is another lucky (?) one as he was conceived when i was on the pill.

We;re a fertile bunch. :-P

[crunchy carpets]

I think it is only due to the infrequency of the actual act around here that we don't have 12 oopsie kids. We are not using anything and haven't since baby no. 1.

We have condoms but Caity keeps stealing them and we find the packages scattered about the house....she says they are candy!!!

I suppose I should commit once and for all to not having any more.

[MinnesotaMadness]

Birth control??? Whassat? Really now, as one of the rare few with multiple pregnencies on multiple bc's this conversation with the docs always manages to amuse and irritate me at the same time, that or it's my baby blues irritating me, either way, it's funny. Told my husband the other day "If your that done, get fixed, until then, I wanna hear NO whining about an "accident""

That, or they can take my uterus.... the idea of not losing my mind and then becoming anemic once a month makes me all kindsa warm and fuzzy.

[mbbored]

I don't have any kids myself, but I love the birth control patch. I handle those hormones better than the pill. My sister, who has 2, swears by her IUD. She really wanted her hubby to get snipped, but he refused.

[binkytown]

My OB was signing the praises of an IUD as well until I heard how much it cost. Maybe it's better now but it was a chunk of change.

PS- been doing the pull out for a year now with great success!

[Vikki]

I REALLY enjoyed getting the birth control talk after the birth of my first child. I reminded the nurse that I am a lesbian and lesbian sex is not known for reproductive results. Being a robot, she continued her talk without blinking.

[katie]

I had Depo a couple of months post partum and the bleeding just wouldn't stop. It's funny 'cos they say it literally stops your period for the three months it's supposed to work. It obviously didn't work for me... oh, and the mood swings were way out of the ordinary... I'm on the pill at the moment - went back after I'd stopped breast feeding and I think it's the best solution for me. i guess it ill depends on what works for you. Where I come from, we call the "pull out" method "playing the Vatican roullette" (yup, we're a very Catholic country were any form of prescribed birth control is the work of Satan! Aaaarghhhhh!!!) Oh, forgot to tell you, baby Chalk is one helluva guy. But i guess you knew that already :-)))

[Jenn]

IUDs can be really dangerous and I find it strange that people still suggest them. A lot of doctors will not because of the complications.

Why not the depo shots? Or the patch? That's pretty simple!

[Steve]

IUD for my wife, she just kept forgetting to take the pill. We've had good experience with it. Just over a year now and no babies. I can feel it, and on occasion feel has been an understatement. However, her cousin got one a few weeks before her and had to have it removed after 5 months of nonstop bleeding. It seems like any form of birth control can go either way. IUD may be the most permanent temporary method so it's easiest, and that's why it's the rage.

[Dana]

I can't stop laughing, because this reminds me of something my co-worker and I were talking about today.

She told me she got pregnant twice using the pullout method. :O

[Kristina (formerly of kristinabrooke.org)]

I'm a HS English Teacher and if you ask all of the unwed-barely-out-of-diapers-themselves teenage moms in the school that o work in, you would thing that condoms are only 1% effective. According to them, they wer all using condoms....

Anyway, I have the Mirena and my period is NON-EXSISTENT!!!!! Everyone knows SOMEONE who got pregnant while using some form of birth control, so unless you plan on never having sex again (I am 9 months post partum and the thought of sex still turns me off), I say never listen to the horror stories. You always get the horror stories.

[Alicia]

The hubby and I concieved our little surprise on the BCP. 4 months after she poped out, 2 months after being put on the Nuva Ring, pregnancy #2. After I miscarried #2, I went the route of IUD. I LOVE it!
No hassel, no remembering, hell, I don't even check it once a month. 10 months later, no bleeding, no cramps, no severe mood swings. Really, (had the doctor not talked me out of it) I wish I would have got this put in after having baby #1.

[Heidi]

My cousin's IUD fell out. She had a boob job and surgery to fix her herniated belly button and POOF! She was pregnant with her surprise 3rd baby...
I do a low dose bc pill...Alesse. I love it! I think there's a generic version for it too. I don't get any periods and it works to prevent pregnancies! :-)

[jennifer]

I conceived three times in three years with two successful births while on birth control pills. My doctor was progressively giving me stronger doses until I was pretty much psychotic from the level of hormones coursing through my veins.

So, when I got pregnant the third time I found a new OB/GYN. Obviously hormones were not the solution for me so he suggested an IUD. My youngest child will be turning 14 in May. I'm on my second IUD with no complications.

I'll admit that my periods are heavier and sometimes my cramps are more intense but I don't feel the IUD. The doctor inserts the IUD normally at your 6 week follow up visit while your cervix is still more pliable and open. It didn't hurt at all (but then we're still freshly remembering labor, yanno?). I haven't had any issues with infections or cleanliness, etc. You do have to check each month to be sure it's still where it's meant to be, by feeling the strings that hang out of your cervix but it's less gross than a tampon IMHO.
Since it's pretty definite we're done having children, I'm trying to convince hubby to get snipped so I can be done with this whole birth control process.

[Lindsey]

My friend Collette *just* had her IUD removed from her abdomin because it perforated her uterus and was just sorta free floating around inside her body.

Mom's a nurse, has seen them perforate through the uterus and puncture intestines, etc. Causing pain and some irreversible issues.

The chances of having something go wrong with and IUD are just wayyyy too high for me.

[Mom101]

I know it's the irresponsible thing to say, and I'll deny it when Thalia is old enough to ask...

but pull-out's worked just fine for us for four years. And I'm freaking fertile.

[motherofbun]

My hubby already knows that if we have a second one, he gets "snipped." So glad that's an option because I get horrid, HORRID migraines (like 25-25 A MONTH) while on bc pills.

[Audrey]

At least your midwife waited until AFTER baby's birth. My midwife had "the talk" with me at my 32-week appointment. I felt like saying "pregnancy is birth control." Instead, I told her I would like a diaphragm after Baby arrives. The IUD scares the heck out of me and I am not messing with bcps anymore. Condoms and the little inserts that are supposed to prevent pregnancy got us the little bundle we're waiting for now. (It was a surprise, but a very welcome one.)

[InterstellarLass]

Different strokes for different folks. Everyone reacts to bc methods differently. If the pills made you crazy, the patches and anything else that releases the estrogen hormone will too most likely. I had the IUD recommended. I decided to get a tubal instead. 1 boy, 1 girl. They don't make any other kind. And as for all the folks with the 'got pregnant with the IUD' stories...it's not 100% effective. Only 99.9%. And I've heard stories of women with tubals getting pregnant too. So, the only fool-proof way to not get PG is to abstain. :)

[Jenn]

no, really. they're the best thing out there.

:P

Seriously, I got the Mirena after 7 weeks and, nearly 6 months later, I'm lovin' it. Don't feel a thing - at the time or now - and don't have to deal with a thing - pills, periods, or condoms.

Your call, but I would totally recommend it.

[KM]

Ok, there are two types of IUD: ones with hormone (mirena) and those without (copper). Your doctor places them in your uterus with a small tail of filament hanging into your vagina that you must monitor each month to make sure it's there (and thus that the IUD is effective). Most people say that the tail cannot be felt by their partner during intercourse because it's quite small and just flattens against the cervix or vaginal wall. For women who have had children vaginally it is not very painful because the cervix has already been opened previously by child birth so the insertion process is quite easy.

There are some other good contraception options out there too that are not the pill or condoms: the vaginal ring (Nuvaring) which you only have to insert once monthly, the ortho evra patch which is weekly, depo provera which does carry risks for osteoporosis and implanon which is an estrogen releasing implant that goes into your arm.

[Jen]

<--- Got pregnant with the pullout method.

[scatteredmom]

You know, I always wondered if I had some fertility thing going on, and now I'm sure of it.

Pull out. ELEVEN YEARS. Nothing.

Good thing I was happy with one. I never did really try for another, but we didn't do the major BC thing either.

But after reading these posts I see that I must be pretty unique.

[Denise C.]

Um, seems like everyone has a different experience to share. So basically, BC is like a game of russian roulette. Find one and if it works well, stick to it.

For my entire 34 years of life, I was on the birth control pill for three months. Eh. I'm just not a birth control type of gal. I guess I liked the adventure of, whatever happens, happens.

And that is why I have six children. But it was fun while it lasted.

My last one broke me, tho. I didn't want to have another. My hoo-haw has seen brighter days. When your midwife tells you the lump you feel in your vagina is actually your bladder hanging and pressing into it, that kind of sets you straight. The man got the vans deferens severed. There was a parade in our town.

Funny thing, tho. I am still gun-shy. Literally, I am afraid of the gun that is his penis. Its been four months since the neutering...and I still squint at it like its the enemy, just waiting to catch me slippin'.

[karyn]

Holy God! Two weeks and he's hauling out the Howitzer? Are you serious?

Ahem.

I don't trust IUDs but that's me; thank goodness we agree on a method or there would really be just nothing we CAN agree on.

Oof. Feel for you, girl.

[mothergoosemouse]

Copper IUD. Other than the monthly hemorrhage, I'm happy with it. And I use the hemorrhage as an excuse to eat filet mignon.

[Jeanne]

Former Copper IUD user here. I ended up pregnant after 1.5 years of use - but it was ectopic. That is not to say the IUD "caused" the ectopic but I don't think it can be conclusively answered either way. I don't trust them.

I had the IUD inserted after #2 and the ectopic caused both my DH and I to make the decision to have a third. We were both on the fence about it but leaning towards not having more...until the ectopic happened. So, things happen for a reason, IMO. We have our beautiful third daughter because of what happened and we are so blessed! And now, because we are quite sure we are done my DH went and had a vasectomy. So very glad that he was so willing to take on that responsibility - he knew that have my tubes tied was a much bigger deal so he had agreed long ago to be the one to be "fixed" when the time came.

Good luck with your decision.

Oh, and you were lucky that your midwife waited until the two-week mark. My midwife point blank asked me "And what do you plan to do about birth control?" in a very rude way about 12 hours after I gave birth to my third. She was soooo rude and I'll never forget her attitude!! Geesh. Give a mom a break! Like I needed to worry about it within hours of giving birth? Goodness!

[Deb]

I loved my Mirena - plus you get a cool credit-type card to identify yourself as one of the "protected from pregnancy" femme fatales. Not that I really felt like a femme anything post-partum, it has taken about 5 years for me to even be able to choose sex with my husband over sleep! I recommend it as a safe way to go!

[Meena]

Your son is just adorable.

I've had the Mirena for over a year now. It's good for FIVE YEARS. Five years of thoughtless birth control.

Insertion is not all that pleasant (by someone trained, NOT YOU! :-) , but fairly quick.

I don't feel it, but sometimes hubby has. Basically two little fishing wires are hanging out of the cervix a bit. DON'T TELL HUBBY HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO FEEL IT!!!

I still get weirded out that I have one, so I totally get that -but heck it's convenient! Periods can go away, I'm not there yet, but they sure are light.

[GIRL'S GONE CHILD]

Pull Out and Pray? Yeah. That was my favorite method, too, until I got pregnant. I'm not a condom fan and my dude flat-out refuses them. I take Ortho Tri... Low. It's the best. It doesn't make me insane like the other ones do. Also, have you thought about that patch thing? IUD's give me the freaks, too but I know people who are very happy with them...

[chichimama]

I have the Mirena and love it. The day it was inserted, I felt pretty bad, but after that my only issue is that it seems to have shortened my cycle by a few days. But, since the bleeding only amounts to a pantyliner a day, if that, I'm OK with it.

[Jaime]

I was on the Patch for awhile. While convienent, the whole dying-suddenly-from-mysterious-blood-clots turned me off. Now, I do the praying mathod-----have sex, PRAY for DAYS that I am not pregnant. I am sure one day this method will kick me in the ass but for now, it works! :)

By the way, how can you even think about sex right now!? Just the thought of sex right after I gave birth made me want to run screaming for the hills. It was MONTHS before "the mood" ever struck me again.

[Amy H]

A friend of mine just got pregnant and she was using an IUD. They had to remove it while trying not to hurt the embryo. joy.

so don't trust 'em! and since you can't trust them anyway, might as well go the 10th grade route.

[Jennifer]

Two weeks? Holy shit. Seriously. HOLY SHIT. That thing was not coming anywhere in my vicinity at two weeks pp, although I craved intimacy like nothing else.

I am also considering an IUD. Did the minipill while breastfeeding, now condoms. I actually don't mind the condoms so much, which is why I haven't "gotten around to setting up an appointment" to discuss the IUD. I'd have to pay out-of-pocket, but it's a small price to pay not to have to worry. A good friend of mine has had them on and off for almost ten years and swears by them.

But. We'll probably stick to the condoms for awhile. I like not having to be the one responsible for birth control for once in our relationship.

[Kelly]

I've never tried the pull-out method, primarily because the moment my husband and I have unprotected sex, we conceive a child, no matter which point in my cycle. (I spent a good 10 minutes trying to convince my midwife that there was only one chance my 2nd daughter could have been conceived, and she still didn't believe me. It seems my body doesn't have a set schedule when it comes to ovulation.) And so anyway, even if the hubster got his penis out of me before any devious seedlings got in, I have a firm belief that somehow, some way, those little suckers would teleport into my vagina. And we'd be pregnant. With # 3.

So it's condoms over here for us.

And I swear, what is it with the midwives asking about birth-control 2 weeks postpartum? Mine was all like, "What are you doing for birth control?" And I was like, "Hmmm...between the breastfeeding every 45 minutes and the vagina that's about as dry as Death Valley and the c-section wound that pulls and smarts every time I move, let's just say the chance of any sex happening any time soon is next to nil."

And about the IUD, I've heard many of lady say it was the greatest thing ever, but that insertion can be a bit...mmmm...uncomfortable. But I'd say if you can squeeze a baby out of you and survive, you can handle a bit of discomfort.

[Gwen]

I use Minestrin and it worked well until about 16 months. Now I am having a really hard time finding a pill that will give me less than 2 periods a month. Who the hell wants that? If you have any troubles with bandaids and skin issues do not use the patch. I had lovely scabby scaly patches for weeks after I tried it. Ugh. The February issue of Today's Parent had a nice summary of the different types of birth control and their effectiveness. I am sure you could find it on the web. Good Luck.

[Anne Glamore]

My friends with the IUD are happy with it, but I am even happier with my husband's vasectomy.

[Tiger]

I haven't even thought about birth control after I have this baby. I'm only 4 months preggo...

I don't think birth control is safe for your body. Especially pills and stuff that mess with your hormones.

Then again, I don't really want to get pregnant while I'm breastfeeding. That might be a little bit like a disaster...

My husband and I were using the timing (calendar) method when we got pregnant. I guess it's hard to know when you are ovulating while you are breastfeeding if you don't have a period...

Why does everything have to be so complicated?!

[Katie]

Do you know what they call people who use the pull out method?...
parents! Okay that one was corney, but seriously, my 1st 2 kids were the direct result of the trusty pull out method! And it wasn't even like he accidently forgot to pull out! He just had very determined swimmers. Oddly enough, our 3rd (who we actully tried for) took us over a year to get PG. I have heard nothing but good things about the new IUD's and would very much like to get one, but my insurance wont cover it and it costs like $700!
So, until I decide, I'm foolish playing the lottery with good old pull out again.
I'll let you know hoe that one works out!

[Brooke]

I had a copper IUD until last year. Got 'pregnant' with a little zygote, they yanked the IUD out and the 'pregnancy' went away. Didn't put it back in right away, switched to condoms for a while so I could decide if I wanted to get another IUD or not, and am now expecting our 3rd in 11 more weeks. Thanks Trojan!!
That said-hate hormones not because they make me crazy, but a little freaked out with the un-naturalness of it all. LOVED the IUD though. LOVED. I have a senistive cervix apparently, but it really didn't worsen or lengthen my periods at all. Forgot it was there entirely. (even checking to make sure it was still there like, weekly.)Seemed almost too good to be true for us. Worth considering.My friend swears by the Mirena IUD that stops her period.If you're ok with the aunt packing her shit up and never coming to 'visit' again, the Mirena might be worth looking at. If you don't like it, go back to the Dr. and have it removed, no harm no foul. Also, back well away from the Depo!! Can't say a good thing about that stuff at all. Tried it for 3 years before totally giving up.
Hope that helps.

PS-hey hubz:seriously bro, put that thing away for a few more weeks! Leave that poor woman alone!!

[Christina]

A good friend of mine got an IUD put in after her second, and she loves it. It gives her the chance to think about if she wants a third child or not, and if she does, they simply remove it and she's ready to go in a month.

I'm not sure what we're planning to do after baby #2 is here. Probably use condoms until the one year mark, when we'll hopefully know for sure if we want a third or not. (Seriously leaning towards "not" right now.) If we're done, then husband is getting snipped. Easy, simple, permanent solution.

[FishyGirl]

Well, my only assvice is to tell you that Sunny (#3) is the result of the pull-out method combined with the only 28 day cycle I've ever had in my life. I got the snip while they were in doing the c-section with Nemo because 4 kids is enough, but if you and he aren't ready for snipping, I have a lot of friends with the Mirena who seem to love it.

Oh, and doing the deed so soon after? Wow. You are brave. It still hurts here, and I'm 12 weeks out.

[melissa]

I read the book "not without my daughter" (I think they made it into a cable movie) about this American woman who gets stuck in Iraq (or Iran? anyway, somewhere where she has to wear a Burka and BirthControl is illegal w/o the consent of the husnand... anyway, she went there with an IUD and when she realized she was stuck, and could be executed if she admitted to having Birthcontrol, and her husband was wondering why she wasn't getting pregnant and threatening to take her (forcibly) to the Drs... she removed the IUD herself. It was a very well-described scene. I don't think I could ever use an IUD because I still have nightmares about that scene I read almost 10 years ago!

Yuck.

[DM Strong]

for the record, I had nothing to do with that KY thing.

[Jamie]

I don't trust the pull out method. So much so that I've never tried it. I couldn't take any hormonal birth control without drying up my milk supply so we used condoms for the 9 months I nursed then switched to the Nuva Ring which I've been very happy with. Put the ring in, forget it for three weeks, take it out, have short 3 day period, put a new one in... works great for us. You don't have to put it that far in (like a diaphragm, and I only noticed it the first cycle I used it, now I totally forget it's even there.

[Cori]

Wow, 2 weeks you are a brave girl. I was terrifed at 6 wks and if I remember correctly we waited a lot longer than that.

Hubby just went for the snip, snip in September, I asked him to wait until our youngest was 1 year old. We just recently had sex without any other protection and man it's a scary feeling have it unprotected. I kept saying are you sure, I can't get pregnant. I just had a breast reduction and lift and I surely do not want to screw that up!

What about the patch?

[Jessica]

I don't have any birth control suggestions personally although I have spoken with people who use an iud and like it.

I really just wanted to share that my husband and I tried having sex at 4 weeks and although we were very gentle it made my bleeding so much worse. I didn't have any tearing or stitches with birth so we felt everything was pretty close to normal. I am having my second in June and I will wait my 6 weeks.

Congrats on the beautiful baby and helpful husband. Love your blog.

[dawn]

What about your husband getting a vasectomy?

[Amy Jo Momma]

Me? Currently pregnant thanks to the 'pull out' method. Also? Still breastfeeding.

I actually have recently met several girls who got IUDs after their babes were born and now swear by them. I am not a big fan of the pill, as I gain 78 pounds every time I go on them, so I will be looking into this option after this #2 is born in August.

Congrats on the sweet baby boy AND the helpful hubby!

[Patricia]

The IUD has come a long way. It was pretty much my only option after the birth of my son -- mostly because I didn't want ANY hormones anymore -- they make me nutty than I am.
I have the Cooper T and I just ended my 3rd year with it (it lasts 10). I don't have any spotting, but since it doesn't have hormones like the other one, you still get your period (which I don't think I'd ever relax if I didn't get the reminder I'm not pregnant).
The process for putting it in is simple, you go to the doctor, they will do a normal pelvic exam and then they will open your cervix a little bit and slip the IUD in. After it is placed they will trim the strings a bit (the strings are a stiff bit for removal later -- not like a tampon string at all). If you or your husband feels them during sex, you can have them trimmed some more.
And no, it is way too soon to have sex now -- ick. ick. ick. The tearing, the pain, the stitches I had --- oh the bad memories. I still remember taking pain pills when I could have sex again.

[rockabyemama]

I don't have any birth control suggestions ( I used the mini pill but was probably just lucky that I didn't get pregnant because I was horrible about taking it at the same time every day). The only thing I can say is: SERIOUSLY, you're even considering having sex at 2 weeks?!! Wow! Are you just thinking about it because your husband has actually been helpful (which, by the way, yay!) or are you reallly ready? I was petrified at 6 weeks after getting the ok, and basically was in serious pain every time we tried until I started using estrogen cream at about 9 months....didn't get back to normal until at least a year...all of those crazy breastfeeding hormones did it because I had a c-section! I can't even imagine what it would be like with a vaginal birth. You must be very brave and have a seriously lucky body if you can even think about having sex at this point!

[JenniferW]

LOL like the previous posters said 'pull out = parent', and I know b/c I have one of those babies! Oops.

I hear the IUD is really good, and everyone has different experiences with different BC. I do have to say that I have not heard anything good about those Depo shots.

[elizabeth]

Hi Kristen, I've been reading for a while but never posted - little shy. Love, love, love your writing!!

I also have 2 kids, 12 and 8. I have tried many birth control pills but I became insane on them(I'm pretty moody to begin with). The ring, surprisingly was the absolute worst even though my obgyn said it has the least side effects (almost felt suicidal). My sister told me about Yasmin and I started taking it at night instead of the morning. I've been on it for 2 years and love it. What's funny is that my obgyn said more of her patients hated it. Really helps with the mood swings also.

Congratultions on your beautiful baby boy!!!

[Maniacal]

I used condoms post pardom and hated every minute of it. Like really? I'm married and I STILL have to use a condom? WTF! But I can't do the pill either (same reason) I tried the patch, but the idea that two women dropped dead of a blotclot with no warning kinda turned me off to it. I'd LOVE a better solution if you find it! Keep us posted!!!

And tell your husband to get over it.....it's way too soon!

[radmama]

Although miscarriages and breastfeeding aren't [as far as all the research i have read] connected, I believe I conceived twice on the IUD but the zygote didn't implant.

It wasn't a bad method, though, compared to the other options. My first husband wasn't so cooperative about condoms and i'll be damned if i'll turn into a crazy person again on hormonal bc.

You know what they call those who use the PUll Out method right?

Parents.

Good luck!

[Sarah]

I had the mirena IUD for 8 months and would bleed for two straight weeks out of every month. I finally gave up. We tried using condoms but weren't good about it, hence the reason I'm pregnant now. I have no idea what to use after this baby is born. Ultimately my hubby will get fixed but I have to make sure I'm done with insane delusions of having a thrid child first. I do have two friends who have mirenas and love them.

[jaelithe]

P.S. It's clear your husband wants only what he cannot have. I suggest you tell him you will not have sex with him ever again until he gives you oral ;)

[jaelithe]

I wish someone had told me what Mamadaisy just told you.

Seriously, anyone reading this who is considering a new method of BC, do not, DO NOT take the Depo unless you have no other option available to you. I had it practically forced on me by the OB-GYN practice and the hospital that delivered my son. They were already pressuring me to take the injection just hours after my son was born. I beat them off for six weeks saying I didn't want to disrupt my early milk supply but finally gave in because I knew I'd forget the mini pill (which you have to take at the same time every day) and my husband hates to use condoms.

The side effects of Depo are bad, bad, bad. Weight fluctuation, mood swings-- even in some cases hair loss. It really does make you insane. I have never known anyone who was happy to have taken it six months later . . . Plus, recent studies show it causes permanent bone loss (something the doctors neglected to tell me when they were pushing it on me like a bunch of street corner drug dealers trying to convince a 13 year old to take her first hit of smack).

As for the IUDs, it's something I keep thinking about myself, but I'm a little scared for the same reasons as Kristen. Still it seems like most of the women reporting here have had good experiences.

[Soccermom Elaine]

Hormones will fuck with breastfeeding, so avoid those bad boys (besides, as you mentioned crazy isn't really what you're going for).

For us, the best solution was to get my husband into a doctor and snip the offending baby making parts. But then, we were done at two... you may not be.

And you know what they call people who use the pull out method? PARENTS.

Just saying.

[mamadaisy]

whatever you do, DO NOT DO THE DEPO PROVERA SHOTS. i had very bad side effects with it that lasted for years and so did a few of my friends. it basically tricks your body into thinking you're in menopause, which brings with it, ahem, vaginal dryness and mild insanity, neither of which are conducive to good sex.

i hear there is a ring with a very low dose of hormones that might be good. i got my husband fixed instead.

[mayberry]

You don't have to do it yourself, it doesn't hurt going in, and once it's in you can't feel a thing. Man, how's that for a pile of double entendre?

[meredith]

Congratulations! on the birth of your second child.

I chose the mirena IUD after the birth of my second child, and other than some cramping the day it was placed (by the doctor) I love it. No periods!

[jodi]

I use the nuvaring and love it.

Aren't you supposed to wait 6 weeks before sex? Oh my g-d, 2 weeks post partum and you are thinking about sex???????

[marisa]

the patch is a good option
as long as you do not smoke
or have blood pressure issues

[ali]

i'm getting the mirena iud put in tomorrow...i'll let you know how it goes!!

[Mrs. Chicken]

Have you considered the shots? I think it is called Depo something or other? I tend to be forgetful of my pills, too. I may consider it after No. 2 (whenever that is).

[erin]

Isn't there a birth control patch out there now??? Luckily, my hubby got "fixed", so we don't have to worry about that anymore!!

[erin]

I had the IUD for a year. I bled like crazy and had horrible cramps. I had that sucker yanked out!!!!

[TW]

I have had two copper-t IUDs and LOVED them. LOVED THEM. No, you don't feel it. Yes the doctor puts it there. (Take some Advil first, like 4 of them) Safe, effective and worry free.

[motherbumper]

I've been reading about these new IUDs that last 30 months and claim to be safer. It does seem to be all the rage in recent weeks. It does seem convenient but I'm sticking with the unsexy condoms. And vat of KY. TMI? Whatever ;)

[metro mama]

I would hope they've come a long way since then, but my mother was one of the victims of the Dalkon Shield. After several surgeries, she was left unable to have children. Being Canadian, she wasn't in on the class action suit either.

Anyhow, guess I'm sticking with condoms for now.