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January 12, 2007

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Thank you So much for this blog. I am also pregnant with #2 and my son is 21/2. It is so great to know that I am not the only one that has these feelings and fears about when my next child arrives. Keep up the good work!!

I think She will be just fine...I was scared that my 2 year old son was going to be jealous of my newborn son...But I was wrong!!!! My 2 year old adores his Baby Brother ...I try to let him help me with his brother so he don't feel like he's left out.... He Does great and really loves to help out...so being scred is natural I went through it too...Just keep your head up and hope for the best...

I have two girls and they are preg. no.3 and preg. no.6 it was God will that I have my girls. they one thing different about my girls rather than them being 20 months apart thy are 20 years and believe me that will scare the mess right out of you. So now my husband has seperation stress, I would take another child over his stress any day. 2 1/2 now for potty training.

Boy do I ever know how you are feeling!! When I had my first I wasn't really planning on having anymore cause I had so many complications with her. I spent every waking moment with her and she was my world and I literally didn't think I could love another one like I loved her. I almost lost my baby girl, she was born 2 months early cause I was so sick. I found out I was pregnant when she was 14 months old and I went into such a deep depression. Not to mention the fact the I just got over the baby blues, why it lasted so long I will never know. I put on a happy face for the rest of the world and acted as if I was excited about the pregnancy. Anyhow, 9 months later without any complications I gave birth to my son who is the other love of my life. Yes sometimes it can be stressful and you will be running around like a chicken with your head cut off, but just remember that God never gives you more than you can handle. So on days that seems as though I have had enough and can't take anymore, I just silently say a little prayer and ask for Gods help. Also your daughter will be a big help with changing diapers, feeding, helping you pick out the babys cloths, etc... Plus she can play with the new baby and keep ( him or her) busy. My son absolutely loves his big sister and she can get him laughing at the drop of a hat. There will be a little jealousy but they grow out of that after they learn that the new baby isn't going back to the hospital to be put back into mommys belly. Best of luck to you and your family. Keep in mind yes you need to spend time with both of them , but have something special that just you and your little girl does together so she doesn't feel like she is being replaced. You still need that one on one time with her.

I went through the exact same thing. I would sit and cry sometimes when I would look at my daughter and think wow what have I done TO you. Guilt would set in and I would feel like I had stolen a piece of her childhood a piece of her mommy. My daughters are 27 months apart. At times I really miss the solo time I had with my first born and at times I feel bad for my little one that she never really had those quiet bonding moments sitting nursing we were to busy. But you know my girls are now 2 & 4 and joined at the hip. They adore each other. It was fun adding the second to the mix and watching them react to each other. I didn't do anything TO her I did this FOR her. She still has mommy time but now she has her sister. It's tough sometimes still knowing that your attention is split. But rather than think about your time being DIVIDED you need to think about the love & fun being MULTIPLIED! There is nothing like watching your baby become a big sister. It is awesome! It shows you that you are doing okay b/c you get to see all the nurturing things you have done with her displayed as she nurtures her sibling. I love to watch them interact it is the most precious part of my day. My daughter is begging for a brother now... so it couldn't have been to tramatic for her. Just enjoy the 1 on 1 you have with her now and always make time for it after the new baby comes. While the baby is sleeping skip the dishes and read together instead. The dishes can wait.

I have a stepson who is 14 and 3 girls ages 4 (will be 5 on feb 26th) 21 months and 3.5 months. My stepson was very excited about his Dad and I have a baby each time. He's very good with kids and loves his sisters very much. my oldest was excited when I was pregnant with baby #2 and with the last one she was mad at me the first 7 months but she loves her baby sis to death. I've been blessed there hasn't been any jealousy issues so far. The first 3 days we were home with the new baby my middle dauhter would only give baby hugs and kisses. She is already very protective of her baby sis.The older 2 girls always want to spend there time with baby. They will tell you that there best friends too. My oldest daughter told me yesterday that her sis was her bestest best friend. I hope all 3 of them will always be that close.

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and am due a week after her 3rd birthday. I have also felt the same emotions and still struggle with trying to figure out how I will find time to still do some of the special things we do together with a new baby. I think my daughter will be a help and she does like babies but I am not sure how that will be when the baby is here and is not going to be leaving after a visit. It is comforting to know that other people have felt the same way. Hopefully everything will be fine and I am just overreacting a bit.:)

I've never had a "single" child. My first pregnancy was with twins, and we found out in my fifth month.It was great watching these two little babies evolve into best buddies with their own world and at the same time be so different from each other. My husband wanted us to have another baby(try for a girl)before the boys turned 5. He is active duty Army and he was "gone"(deployed,school,training) during most of my twins' pregnancy up until the boys turned 4( yep, me all alone with twins and NO help, but that's another story). We got pregnant and miscarried in my second month, so when we got pregnant 6 months later we didn't tell my boys( or anyone) until I was almost 5 mos along. When Ian was born, my older boys were so happy he was a boy t6and that he was born exactly three months to the day of their 6th birthday. For me it was actually harder getting used to only one baby, I think he was a lot more work, but at least my hubby was home more and he took over a lot with Ian. Soon after Ian turned 5mos we were given orders to move(after 7 years in MO) to NNY,and I hated it (still do).Well,2 months after Ian's first B-day we were surprised with another pregnancy. My husband was excited that it might be a girl, I could only think about having a newborn while dealing with a toddler and knowing that my husband might be deployed again any time. So David arrived 2mos before Ian's 2nd birthday and other than a little jealousy during nursing time everything has been great between them. My husband missed David's birth(he was training for a deployment),but at the same time my twins Arian and Ricardo were there and they are great with the baby. David will turn 1 in April and Ian will turn 3 in June, and if you watch them play together its like they don't even notice their age difference. They make each other laugh and they even sleep together. I don't know what I'll do when Ian starts school and David is left behind alone...I just hope that they continue to love each other and grow closer as they grow older, all four of them.

My daughter is 2 and 1/2 also and I felt the exact same apprehension that you are feeling while I was pregnant with my son. He is now two and a half months old, I can't believe it, and I'm back at work. I have to say it was very hard for my daughter at first, especially when I was in the hospital with the baby. I wish I had read a book about welcoming the second baby BEFORE he arrived- I got one at the library after he did and it had some great suggestions on how to make it easier on the older child. We did talk to her about what was going on and tried to help her understand in advance but she was still not prepared. I have to say that even though I adore my son as well, EVERYTHING was more intense with Violet (my daughter.) I started writing a journal to her while she was in utero. Her first baby book covers from the baby shower to the ultrasounds, so thorough that it only went up to when she was 2 months old! (My son's first baby book will be assembled by Kodak.com- I just ordered it the other day!) But she has adjusted well now and likes to help with "her Victor" (he is HER baby, after all.) For the most part, jealousy is only a momentary emotion. But it took weeks of grief, she was literally depressed, to get us to this point. She had to grieve being the only child. Now she is embracing her big sisterhood. I think it is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. For his part, he definitely adores his big sister! He smiles REALLY BIG when she interacts with him, it makes him so happy! I am sure she is going to be his hero, and hopefully vice versa. I have found coming back to work a lot harder this time, but I am breastfeeding my son, so that also puts some different constraints on it. I pumped for Violet because she wouldn't latch on, so I was pretty much done with it by the time I returned to work. I am also older now, I was 35 when I had her, and now I am 38. It feels like a big difference for me.

My two boys are exactly 14 months apart. I don't know what I would do without either one of them. Noah, my oldest is the most curious and most helpful. He loves his "BB", which is what he calls his brother, Lucas. They play together all the time. I did not think I could love another child as much as I loved my first son. But, you come to realize that you do love them both the same, you just find out that you love things about each child differently. For instance, I love that my youngest son likes to dance in the mornings, as opposed to my older one who is a grouch, etc. The guilt goes away very quickly as the lack of sleep take over (ha ha). Anyway, don't they always say the two is better than one??

I didn't have time to worry between my 2. Although they aren't twins, they might as well be. At 17 months and 5 months old, my two daughters (not by choice) are 2 days short of a year apart. Birth control failed on #2. With a hard pregnancy, I was stuck in bed for most of #1's first year, but it was time we both cherished because we cuddled alot and from the start she was a part of everything having to do with #2. She was there for both sonograms, and even hearing the heart beat for the first time. At 6 1/2 months prego, #1 was 9 months old and enjoyed rubbing and kissing "buhbay" (baby in mommy's belly). She gets a little jealous now because #2 is very clingy, but usually she's wanting to hold "her baby" not wanting mommy to hold her. She loves her sister dearly, and the time we 3 share as she kisses on her sister and tries helping change diapers or trying to brush sissy's hair (although a little hard for my liking, she isn't trying to hurt her) is just as blessed as the cuddle time that #1 and I shared, seeing as I brought the "new baby" into the equation long before she was born by having big sissy listen in and be a major part of everything. I do however feel guilty any time that both are crying and I have to choose which one to handle first, although either way, both will cry until both have had their need met and are both in my lap or cuddling in bed with me.

We went from one to three when my twins were born. My daughter had had four years with "Mommy" all to herself. While I was pregnant I suffered enormous guilt feeling that our relationship would change and there was nothing I could do to stop it. She did go through some jealousy issues. We were quick to try and include her in the care of her siblings and reasure her that we still loved her in order to diminish the jealousy, but I also found that because she was older, I myself would expect a certain amount of maturity from her that I didn't before. It's definitely good for them to feel needed, but keep reminding yourself that they are still little, too. As far as our relationship changing I would say that there has been a lot of change, some good and some bad. But, honestly, I don't know if it is related to us not being "one on one" all the time or just that she is growing into an older more independent person (She is now 6 yrs old). As long as she always knows that I love her and will always be there for her I guess that's the best I can ask. As moms we want it all for our children and as long as you can say, honestly, that you are doing the best that you can then when they are 23 yrs. old and seeing a shrink and blaming everything on you, at least you'll have a good defense.

My daughter are almost exactly 2 years apart. Emmie was born 6 days before Alyssia's 2nd birthday. It was a hard transition for her at first but now that Emmie is 7mths she sees her as a great playmate. I keep telling Alyssia as she gets older all the fun things she will be able to do with Emmie and she can't wait!

My son was almost 2 1/2 when my second son was born. It is not as difficult as I thought. I do stay at home. My son was well prepared for his new sib. He loves him very much and really does try to help me out with things. The only thing that I (in particular) have a hard time with is that I have about 1/2 hour TOTAL throughout the day to myself. Nap times are not in sync. And my husband is pretty much useless when he gets home from work. Yes, I said useless.

My girls are 19 months apart, and honestly? No sweat. Much harder going from no kids to one, than from one kid to two.

But that said, we are so, so done.

Going from one to two is challenging. Mine are 17 months apart.

My Dear Son was still in daycare when I brought Dear Daughter home. Even though I could've kept him home, I chose to send DS to daycare anyway (I was paying whether he was there or not). This worked out well for us b/c I could focus on DD for at least a few hours a day. It also kept DS on a somewhat 'normal' schedule so there weren't too many changes all at once. Maybe there's a part-time preschool program for your daughter?

If you're going to breastfeed your son, I would recommend getting a "My Brest Friend Wearable Nursing Pillow." It's like a boppy, but it buckles on. I could walk around the house with this thing strapped on and it gave just enough leverage that I could hold the baby with one hand (and occasionally nurse her) while using the other hand to: turn pages in a book, help DS up onto the couch, change the channels on the TV, get a cup of milk for the little dictator, etc. I liked this better than the slings and baby bjorn for running around the house.

You'll do GREAT.

I'll be doing child to children in about 5 months, god willing. I'll be watching to see how it goes for you. DS will be 3 3/4 when new baby comes. I'm a little anxious about it too, but as one pp said, also glad I see an end to being DS' only source of entertainment!

It was difficult, to be sure. My son was 20 months when I had my second son and I felt so guilty so much of the time, but I did let him sit with me when I was nursing, and still read to him. But as my second got older, like when he was walking? That's when trouble started. The oldest would knock him down, take his stuff from him, etc. They are 20 and 18 now and STILL act that way, but are very close.

I'm going to be doing that transition from child to children in exactly 5 weeks and 5 days and it scares me to death. At least I'll get to read about your experiences at the same time!

I was too busy to really feel any loss. Frankly #2 could not have come fast enough. I was getting very tired of being #1s only source of entertainment. There was jealousy very bad at first when it was feeding time for the baby. Luckily it was quick and Grandma was around to give him the attention he needed. I know that that will not happen in your case so good luck with that.

I am still facing rivalry especially when they both want the same toy or both want on my lap at the same time but that is what happens when you have more than one kid.

Child to childs does sound easier!

But, yes I suppose you will have children- not childs.

It was hard for me to adjust. Aidan though, was 5 when I had George, so maybe the adjustment was a little different.

I hope you are planning a little blog vacation for awhile. You deserve one!

We are expecting #2 in another 6 weeks , and our daughter is 3 1/2 years old. I feel like we have had such a special time together, but I reassure myself that whatever attention she loses from me will be made up for by how much her little brother will adore her. And whatever he is missing out on from me that my daughter might have had, he will have in even greater amounts in love from his sister. They will learn from each other at least as much as they learn from me.

It's not better or worse, just different. And I know different is scary, but we'll be just fine - a lot of people do it, so we can to!

Daughter was 9 days away from her 3rd B-day when Son was born (a month early!). When I found out I was pregnant again, I was estatic. I wanted a large family (we ended up stopping after #2...but that is a whole other LONG story) so I was thrilled to be on my way to that.

At the beginning of the third trimester, I had this dream where I was telling myself that I was betraying my first born. Her life was going to change SO much and she wouldn't understand why. She would think that we were trying to replace her.

From that point on, I started having mini panic attacks. I felt like I was running out of time. Like I had to prove my love for her and DO all the things I wanted to do with just her...quickly.

Then Son was born, and Daughter loved him and turned into a mini mommy and that feeling went away.

Sure there was jealousy...sure there have been more than a few fights over the years...but they are the best of friends and Daughter regularly tells me that she is glad he is around. She even asked me if I would have another so she could have a sister.

Also...I make sure that she and I have special Mommy/Daughter times where we go do things that she wants to do...just the two of us.

Good luck...I know you can do it!

When our up-until-then extremely easygoing 22 month old son began acting up after his newborn brother came home, I remember my wife thinking "Oh no, we've wrecked him!". It didn't last; everyone adjusted in short order. That said, going from one to two was a _monumental_ change. It was at two when we ran out of unplanned free time (including spontaneous sex time :-( ) for good. In a sense, the subsequent move to three and then four (ages 6, 4, 2 1/2, and 7 months now) has been trivial, as we were already maxxed out.
The move from one to more essentially forces you to be a more relaxed parent. I recall pondering that when I saw my then one year old daughter was walking on the piano keys, and I responded to this situation by asking my oldest son (then five) to please go help her get down.

I'm 5wks into the #2 introduction to my little duo. Smack dab in the middle of the guilt and the longing to have time with my first, precious, Mr. Man. I miss him and the time we had together and how easy and good it was. I love my newborn Little Man so much, and am amazed at all the differences between my first and second. But between the moments of run run run and exhausted-can't-think and "shit! forgot to change a diaper and we've had another leak"... I love them both so much, and I feel like I'm a horrible Mommy for putting either of them before the other.
But even now, I recognize how amazing my oldest is that he's adjusted to this new *thing* in the house and he's trying to help (probably to make Mommy happy but maybe..?) and he's becoming more understanding and an iota more patient and I recognize that he amazes me even more than he used to because of this. He's grown so incredibly much in the past few weeks and I'm so damned proud of him.
I want to cry and scream and laugh all at once, and hope that feeling never truely goes away.

Don't read this if you aren't prepared to cry... it always got to me... even AFTER my second son was born. (BTW my boys are 16 months apart and while the first several months were really hard, I LOVE it now!)

"Expecting Number Two" - Anonymous

As I hold your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship, I suddenly feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.

And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you.

I watch the pain you feel at having to share me, as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't", knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry.

I cry with you.

I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him--as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.

There are new times--only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you--as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you-- you each have your own supply. I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

My oldest was 21 months when his baby brother was born. The first few months are really just a blur - I barely had time to even comprehend what was going on, but I was surprised that there really wasn't all that much jealousy for us at first. The baby demanded a lot of attention, but also slept a lot.

There was a lot of guilt on my part, though - no matter what I did, I felt like I was never giving either one of them the attention they deserved. Some days I felt like the baby was shortchanged, other days I felt like the oldest was shortchanged. But as time has gone on, I've gotten over that and realized that they both know how loved and special they are, and my husband and I make a point of having special "one-on-one" time with each of them occasionally, too, so there are times where they each have a parent's undivided attention, even if only for a short while.

The jealousy/tension seems to be rearing its ugly head now that the youngest is just over a year old and mobile, and able to get into everything, and wanting to do everything that the oldest (almost three) is doing.

But the flip side is that, as they're getting older, they're actually playing together, and making each other laugh, and that makes it totally worth it!

I was definitely apprehensive before #2 was born, although it was not about losing something. I was worried about being able to handle it. Mine are also 2.5 years apart.

My son was very excited about the new baby and showed no jealousy when he met her. He never tried to hurt her, or say he wanted her to leave, etc. He's always been very gentle and loving towards babies.

They are 7.5 and 5 now. They have a spat from time to time, but the majority of the time they get along great. They love each other and are so sweet playing together.

I went from 0 to 2, but it is really hard knowing that neither gets your full attention. I often feel like I'm missing out on a lot because it's so divided. But at the same time, having two is wonderful. Hard, but wonderful.

My son was only 18 months old when my daughter was born. He didn't really notice or care. I felt worse for my daughter than my son because many times after feeding and changing her she got put in her bouncey seat or crib while I played with my son. I didn't spend nearly the amount of time with her that I spent with my son when he was an infant

She is quite spunky and fiesty now and I think it's because she learned early how to fight for my attention.

Best of luck as you transition from one to two. It's hard work but after a while it will seem like old hat!

My kids are also 2.5 years apart and looking back on it, I don't feel the transition was that difficult for the older one. My son (the older one) would watch me change his baby sister's diapers and would throw them in the garbage for me or hand me wipes. He would be there with me while I was feeding the baby. He was just as fascinated by her as I was. I remember when my daughter first became mobile, she always wanted to be where her big brother was. She cared about where I was second to where he was. They are ages 6 and 3.5 now and are very close. Good Luck to you!

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