What is it about OB offices and magazines? It's like the Parenting Magazine breeding ground. I walk in and I have to fight the nurses and their fourteen magazines off me.
I'd prefer not to be weighed with magazines and 14 packs of prenatals in hand, thank you very much.
I suppose they are trying to gently tell you that you'll be waiting for a good hour until the doctor can look at you and say "Nope, sorry. Closed up like Fort Knox. Looks like you'll be preggers til February."
Cue evil laugh.
Anyway, I was perusing the November 2006 issue of Child Magazine when I happened upon a doozy of an ad from Clearblue Easy. (pg 135 if you can find the issue).
Basically, there's this text in the upper left hand corner:
How to use CLEAR BLUE EASY DIGITAL OVULATION KIT
1) Pee alalalala on a stick alalalalala see a smiley face lalalalala when you're most fertile.
2) SEDUCE YOUR MAN
For reals.
And even better is the accompanying picture -- a woman on her kitchen counter, wearing a cute sassy sundress, dancing for her husband while he is holding out a dollar bill and his glass of wine.
Now. I'm no prude. Hell. I've done my share of counter dancing. And I'm certainly a wine drinker.
But let's be frank.
A $1 bill? What self-loving wife would dance for less than a $20?
(All joking aside, could an ad, particularly one directed towards women, be any more tacky?)
Wow, I am surprised most of the women on here became mothers. The opinion most of you have on men is quite low. Do we like strippers? Yes. Why? Because they make us feel masculine. There hyper femininity make us want to be more manly. In addition, they stroke our egos and make us feel like we have something to give (other than money). Now every guy knows that this is just a show for money, but much like going to the movies this is all about fantasy. A good dancer will never mention the money, only how much fun she is having, ect. Wives you could learn something from these girls. They make 70K a year making men feel wanted and sexy. So if dancing on the counter for your husband is "whorish" I suggest to all of you to be more "whorish" than his secretary at work is. Otherwise, she will because you will not. Moreover, on the dollar amount he was offering, that is a standard tip for a stripper, unless you are getting a lapdance.
Alighieri
Posted by: Alighieri | June 13, 2007 at 04:31 PM
I don't know how good this ovulation kit is but the usage looks interesting. :)
Posted by: Cara Fletcher | April 07, 2007 at 03:48 PM
These ovulation kits are hillarious.And I never read them correctly.I hate them.
Posted by: Cara Fletcher | March 24, 2007 at 02:03 PM
I'd pay good money to see my husband in a sundress dancing on the counter.
Posted by: the weirdgirl | January 19, 2007 at 04:35 PM
WTF?!
And really - if I want Kyle to do something, I wave a bottle of beer in his face.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | January 15, 2007 at 01:38 PM
Here's a blog with a picture:
http://infertility.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/i-ve-gotten-upset-over-an-advertisement
And, they've outdone themselves:
http://video.mediapost.com/index.cfm?clientfile=CBEMPEG1.MPG
I won't be using any of their products in the future.
Posted by: Amanda | January 15, 2007 at 10:26 AM
A buck? That's insulting. Money for gum.
Besides which, in Canada we don't have dollar bills anymore, only dollar coins. And where are you gonna stick a coin?
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | January 14, 2007 at 08:51 PM
I agree. That is a suckass ad. What woman had to dress up for her husband to have sex with her? Heck, just get out of the shower, yell to your husband who is on the couch watching TV that you really need some of that bengay rubbed on your shoulder, and when he comes in you are laying neked on the bed and then .... oh, wait, I've already done that!
Posted by: Robina | January 14, 2007 at 08:10 PM
Clearly, Clear Blue should be ashamed of themselves. They really should give American women more credit. The campagain was obviously devised by a man. A real women would need at least a $20!
Posted by: Stacy | January 14, 2007 at 06:17 PM
Aw hell, you didn't have the baby today? You're sitting around reading magazines? Well, there goes my chance for winning the baby pool.
Enjoy your magazines with the silly ads (one dollar, my ass. My man is not getting me up on a counter for less than fifty.)
Posted by: Mrs. Chicky | January 14, 2007 at 04:27 PM
A man must have pitched that ad, another man must have signed off and then a few other guys must have produced the commercial. And all of these guys must not have been married. Dumbasses... Gah...
Posted by: motherofbun | January 14, 2007 at 03:38 PM
Lisse ~
That's amazingly quotable. Thank you for that.
Kristen
Posted by: Kristen | January 14, 2007 at 02:34 PM
Sigh. That's kind of depressing.
A friend of mine used to have a saying that she might have gotten from a bumper sticker - "If we had really come a long way, you wouldn't still be calling me baby."
Posted by: Lisse | January 14, 2007 at 02:29 PM
Seriously, now a man loading a dishwasher with a woman waving a dollar bill? Hello SALES! :)
Sorry, Bobita. Baby still not so comfortably in zee belly.
Posted by: Kristen | January 14, 2007 at 01:32 PM
Well, maybe no current ad could be as tacky, but last week Izzymom posted a great Tab ad from the '70's that gives this a run for its money.
February? Really? Glad I didn't enter the pool.
Posted by: canape | January 14, 2007 at 01:14 PM
1) Why are you still here?! You were supposed to bring a new, beautiful, fat baby into the world yesterday!
2) WHO OK-ed that ad?? My guess is: it was a man whose wife has not been in the mood for sex for some good amount of time. So, he used "ovulation" as a means by which to demonstrate his yearning for his wife to seduce him. However, he has also indicated (by the $1 gesture) that he has little to no respect for said wife. Which is likely why he hasn't gotten any in so long!!
3) There ought to be an advertisement for Cascade Dishwasher Detergent that goes like this...
Man is loading dishwasher, woman has children clinging to her. Man continues loading dishwasher, woman notices. Man adds dishwasher detergent, woman licks her lips seductively.
[Next frame] Children are watching Sponge Bob, man and woman are sweaty, disheveled and have looks of satisfaction on their faces.
[In BOLD LETTERS] "CASCADE DISHWASHER DETERGENT: BEST APHRODISIAC MONEY CAN BUY"
*Now THAT, is more like it!!
Posted by: Bobita | January 14, 2007 at 01:06 PM
I was really hoping you were joking about the dollar bill and the glass of wine. That's almost as bad as the ads for Viagra that say you have 36 hours to know when the "time is right". Uh, shouldn't you know sooner than that??
Posted by: Elizabeth | January 14, 2007 at 12:33 PM
LOL. this dancing thing...is it before or after the five kids came along?
Posted by: Czarina | January 14, 2007 at 12:04 PM
yep. instead of "seduce your man (with cheap whorish lapdance)" let's get real. instead: "inform man that your mucus is thick and eggs are up, so he'd better get his pants down now. and no. there will be no foreplay. (for him). this is business.
my husband is one lucky lucky man, no?
Posted by: gingajoy | January 14, 2007 at 10:48 AM
I saw that ad, also, and thought - men need to be convinced to have sex? Are gender stereotypes really reversing that much, or is it just married men that are supposed to be uninterested in sex?
The only other way I could take that ad was, "Find out when you're fertile, get him drunk and seduce him so he won't realize he should have used protection this time." It's the sneaky girl's guide to getting pregnant if her man doesn't want to.
Posted by: Christina | January 14, 2007 at 10:47 AM
"Hi, I'm pregnant, will you get drunk, make me dance for you, and treat me like a cheap stripper?"
Yeah...there's 'happy family' written all over that one.
WEIRD!
Posted by: Chase | January 14, 2007 at 10:26 AM
The whole thing rings *fake* to me. I mean, how hard is it to seduce most men? I got knocked up totally for free...
I like it in reverse, though...the other day, my husband totally pimped himself out for an egg sandwich.
"I'll do anything you want if you make me one of those." MWAAAHAHAHA. Who needs a dollar bill??
Posted by: BFF | January 14, 2007 at 09:11 AM