Motherhood Uncensored

Have Baby, Must Dance

When's the last time you cut the rug? And no, I'm not talking about wearing slippers and pushing the vacuum while bopping to Shania Twain. I'm talking the last time you got dressed up in a skirt that could be mistaken for a belt and boots that would make Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman proud, and hit the dance floor running.

Or shaking.

Seriously.

I was clearly a dance club groupie for many years and for good reason. Exercise, cute guys, and just plain old fun. Regardless of how many drinks you had to knock back before you got your groove on, it's still a great and wonderful thing...

...that many of us parental types don't get to do anymore.

But now you have a chance, particularly in you're in the Philly area. Check out these cool events offered by Baby Loves Disco, a literal mom and pop company that hosts monthly dance events in over 14 cities nationwide. Real music, real djs, and yes, even drinks (for those who choose to partake). But more importantly, they're held from 2-5pm (post nap, pre-dinner) in a babyproofed dance club complete with diaper changing stations, chill out rooms, and healthy snacks.

I've already got my outfit picked out for Sunday. Hey. Maybe it'll bring labor on! And if you're not in those two areas this weekend, check out their other events (hopefully in your town). It's a nice change from whatever other family events you do (um, hi, mall?).

So, get ready to countdown to NOON (cute, right?) and still get to bed before the ball drops.

Don't worry. You're not the only one who falls asleep on the couch to the voice of Dick Clark. But this year, I'll be able to say I did something other than watch reruns of "It's a Wonderful Life" while drinking sparkling cider.

YEAH!

Ms. Sassy

My formerly sweet, quiet, and fairly tame 2.5 year old has recently transformed herself into a regular 13 year old - sans the training bra and braces.

Oh boy. Can't wait for those days.

But seriously, she is on a rampage. And while I, behind closed doors, find it to be terribly hilarious, it's really quite disconcerting.

"No, I want to do it!" or "No, it's MY playdoh!" or "No. It's my room. STAY OUT."

Okay. So not the last one. But I fear it's coming. And pretty damn fast.

We nip it in the bud.

Wait. I nip it in the bud. Other folks (like my in-laws and huz) sort of say something. But really, I'm the evil eyed hawk over the Ms. Sassy behavior. It's just not acceptable in my book.

Worthy of a time-out? Not unless hitting or kicking is involved (oh, love that new development as well. Really fun times!). But I feel as though I'm constantly reminding her to "use a nice voice" and "speak kindly to other people" and "share because no one likes a bratty little kid who can't share."

Heh. Not the last one. But you get my drift.

It's exhausting.

I know much of it is age, and surely with another baby on the way it will probably be a bit exaggerated for a little while, but goodness, I'd love to just not have to be the one to intervene. Since guess what? She doesn't do it with me (surprise, surprise).

So, how do you handle the sassy language with your toddler? What's worked (or not worked) for you? How do you gently encourage other folks to share the disciplinarian duties?

Sometimes I Have No Idea Where She Came From

"That's Baby Chalk in mommy's belly."

Um. Hello. She's 2.5 and has never seen a picture of a baby, in a uterus, and a vaginal canal.

Shower the Baby With Love

I'm not so much for traditions. Okay. Really, it's just traditions that suck or are bizarrely stupid. Like the groom going up the bride's dress to get the garter.

Ack.

I'm not sure if that's worse or when the "winner" has to slide it up some random woman's leg (who always has a really short skirt, huge thighs, and no underpants.

NOT that I've ever seen that happen before.

Anyway, what is it about not being able to have a shower for a 2nd child? I can understand if you just had one a year ago and you have everything. But even then, why not have a nice little party? You know a "enjoy the sleep while you can because now you know how bad it sucks" party.

My mother-in-law informed me that I don't need anything because this is a 2nd child. You know, because all my stuff is in storage or sold and I had a Mississippi in July baby (read: 10,000 short sleeved white onesies). So I have everything I need for a winter baby being brought home to a house that hasn't seen a baby for many years. MANY.

Look. I don't expect to get tons of gifts from people. NOR do I want them to buy me anything. But I'd love to be able to have a little party for myself where people could just come, hang out, and celebrate the impending birth of my second child before I'm stuck at home, sitting on ice packs with a baby attached to my boob.

Pleasant picture, huh?

And hey, if they happen to buy me stuff of my registry or this really awesome moses basket, more power to them.

If you're on #2 or more, what do you think? Is having a shower tacky? What would you have instead?

When God Gives You a Girly Girl, You're Just Along for the Ride

If my life was a movie, it would be called "It's an Ironical Life."

I divorced a sex-loving really nice guy with even nicer parents for a fairly high-maintenance libido-less dude with crazier-than-thou parents. I left Mississippi to live with my in-laws. And, despite all my attempts to raise an anti-princess tool-kit loving toddler, she is, by all accounts a girly girl.

Now don't get me wrong. I did my fair share of ballet dancing, hair curling, and make-up wearing. And I still do. Except the ballet - which, as you might imagine, would be quite a feat this late in my pregnancy.

But honestly, I'm definitely a girly-ish girl.

And while I do try to push purple, green, and yellow, along with tools, Bob the Builder, and other not-so-Barbie items, I am not about to deny my daughter any of her wants just because they seem to be too stereotypical of women.

Okay. So a Bratz doll, for sure. They will never be touched by my daughter's little tiny fingers. And the real make up kit and *gulp* BARBIE DOLL (complete with mini-skirt and 6 inch platforms) from you.know.who have already been donated to the trash can.

For real.

But, truth be told, she was dying for a dollhouse and she loved herself a play kitchen, and the good mother that I am (or if you're speaking to my daughter -- SANTA --) gave in. And so, amidst the tools, bicycle, and dinosaur toys, there's the Little Tikes Kitchen, two dollhouses, a lovely ballet outfit complete with REAL ballet shoes, and a baby doll.

It doesn't make me any less of a mother, nor her any less of a feminista. At least, that's what I try to tell myself. Is gender neutrality highly overrated? Am I fooling myself to think that we can escape all these ridiculous pink toys?

Or are our girls programmed? wired? genetically predisposed?

Quite frankly, I can't say I'm that disappointed. I mean when she's this cute, you just can't imagine her with a tool belt, construction boots, and a hard hat on.