Got MILF?

Maybe it's because I'm 210lbs and 9 months pregnant. Or that my husband dumped his libido with my daughter's placenta over 2 years ago. Or that the only thing that fits me just so happens to look like an Army tent.

But, damnit. I'd love to be irrestibly fuckable.

People get all in a tizzy about the acronym MILF and lately, this whole "Hot Moms" thing. It's one thing to compete for Hottest Mom in America (ack), but what's so wrong with wanting to be hot? Just because I can shoot milk from my boob and hit the guy on the corner walking his dog directly in the eyeball doesn't mean I have to resign myself to a large muu-muu, fanny pack (sorry Izzy), and shoes that you explain away as "really comfy for chasing around the kids."

Why do people think HOT MOMS = Real Wives of the OC = MILF = bad for feminism?

At this point in my life, I'm not trying to look hot for anyone but myself. Let's be honest. My husband doens't notice a new shirt, hairdo, or even sexy bra these days. And if he does, I get the descriptive compliments. You know those right?

"Oh. Your hair is shorter."

Um. Thanks. Yes. Generally what happens when you get a hair cut.

And I'm certainly not a huge preggo with toddler out on the prowl for some hot tv doctor to screw me hard in the backseat of his black mercedes benz (okay, been watching way too much Grey's Anatomy apparently).

Okay. Maybe I am. But that's a whole other post.

But for someone to still think me hot besides my husband (let's pretend he does just for the sake of this argument here), even now, as a soon-to-be mom of two, would ROCK.

Why can't I wear a great outfit, put on some make-up, and damnit, feel great about myself and still be a flaming full-blooded feminista? Motherhood can be extremely depressing and isolating as it is, and the last thing moms need is a reminder that they lost their sexual appeal when they pushed out their kid.

Moms feeding babies, wiping little butts, chasing toddlers away from electrical sockets, and singing sweet lullabies should be hot. And if that doesn't make you feel hot (which I'm thinking most of us mothers out there can attest to not feeling particularly sexy when wiping your child's poopy ass), then what's so wrong with wanting a great pair of jeans, cute shirt, and a hairdo that does not include the words "pony" or "tail" so you can feel good?

When did that become whorish?

So, sue me, but I'm happy to be called a MILF because at least I know that someone other than "Mr. Rabbit Pearl 2007" thinks I'm hot.

You?

Comments

[Sarah Maizes]

AMEN! I'm actually the author of a book that JUST came out called "Got Milf? The Modern Mom's Guide to Feeling Fabulous, Looking Great and Rocking a Minivan" and you're singing my song! MILFs unite! Sarah

[Linda]

There's a cute and oh-so-true MILF reference in the new humor book titled Still Hot: the Uncensored Guide to Divorce, Dating, Sex, Spite and Happily Ever After.
Lots of women when they are first separated--and here's hoping that never happens to anyone reading this-- rush to date the first tan,young, shirtless guy with six-pack abs they see, only to be called a MILF behind their back by his friends.
Check out the book- it's hilarious and rings true on every page !!

[Linda]

There's a cute and oh-so-true MILF reference in the new humor book titled Still Hot: the Uncensored Guide to Divorce, Dating, Sex, Spite and Happily Ever After.
Lots of women when they are first separated--and here's hoping that never happens to anyone reading this-- rush to date the first tan,young, shirtless guy with six-pack abs they see, only to be called a MILF behind their back by his friends.
Check out the book- it's hilarious and rings true on every page !!

[dennis]

MILFs are the best!!!!

[want to be a milf]

I too want to be considered a milf and not just to be sexy but to feel im wanted in a way that after feeling your the one who does ever thing in the world for your family and at the end of the night your the one going to bed alone becuse your husband is careesing the remote to sleep. so just to feel that somehow someone thins your sexy it hard to feel like your the ugliest thang on the earth.

[Dana]

Even though I use the term "MILF", I think it's gotten a bad reputation. We're not shallow for wanting to be attractive even after our bodies have gone through the metamorphasis that pregnancy and childbirth entails. We're not setting feminism back by wanting to be seen as something other than bodies that can gestate and further the species.

I may not like the term "MILF" but until a better term is shown to me, I'm glad that I can be considered one.

[Sharon]

Kristen, you are most certainly gorgeous and sexy...but it is easy for us to say and quite another for you to feel that way...my husband said something the other day. We were looking at some old pictures and there was one of me when we first started dating (I was about 22 or 23)...he mentioned how I hot I WAS...WAS?! What the fuck?! He totally didn't mean anything by it, but it is something that I can't shake...Granted, I have gained weight (POST BABY) and feel like I schlep around some days in my flannel pj bottoms for the sake of comfort, but even when I dress up I think "I used to be hot?" What the hell am I now? I secretly think in the back of my mind that if I really chose to put "it" back out there, I could have any man I wanted. Is that egocentric? Unrealistic? I almost think that I've buried my true hot, sexy self (cause that wasn't a problem until the age of 25 or so) after I committed to my husband (even before marriage). Not consciously, but now that I think about it...maybe that is what I did...do you think some of us do that? Push that part of ourselves aside? And then one day we say, to hell with this, I want that part of myself back!

[InterstellarLass]

Well, just think. One days those MILFs are going to fall apart just like Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her. Their boobs will fall off and roll down the street. Their skin will be thick and tanned like an animal hide...so tan they'll consider how to make a purse out of their own butt skin. Their hair will be thin and brittle after so many colorings and bleachings, and their grandkids will be fearful of their hideousness and blinded by their laser-white porcelain veneers. We, on the other hand, will be soft, if slightly saggy, comfortable, and naturally wrinkled. Our grandkids will trace our wrinkles with wonder and amazement, caressing our soft skin. They'll cleave to our ample bosoms, and hug our turkey necks. And they'll think "this is a grandma".

[russ]

for the people who do not know what "MILF" is ... this post is cornfusing...

[Her Bad Mother]

Husband and I were talking about this the other night, in the context of pole dancing (don't ask). He asked whether pole dancing was a sexy thing from a woman's perspective, and I said that I supposed so, but that from MY perspective, not so much (for a variety of reasons, not least having to do with wariness of anything that smacks of exploitation, but mostly because I know that I'D feel ridiculous.) But I said that for women who DO feel sexy taking pole-dancing lessons (or whatever), good on them. Whatever works.

[katie]

For starters, I think that wanting to feel and be hot is a very good start. It'd be worse if you just didn't care anymore! And I agree it's bloody hard to feel hot when you're pregnant, with all that weight gain, with boobs you really only want your child to fumble with... and then comes the dreaded post partum EEEEEEK! It's all a question of confidence though, isn't it? You can look sexy in sweat pants if you FEEL sexy, but without it - you just ain't going nowhere, even if you're wearing the most striking outfit. I don't know you K., but from what you write I sense that you do have balls! So what's the problem?! The good thing about all this pregnancy business is that it all passes. Gain the confidence from what you've achieved in life and what you have gone through (ILs to start with, my god...), top that off with your looks and brains and I think we can safely say that we have one sexy mama!

[Lena]

1. There's no such thing as too much Grey's Anatomy. Let's be honest.

2. We're only going to be MILF's for so long, so let's enjoy it. Believe me, by the time we give up on arguing about it, we'll be old and wrinkled and lucky if we're Moms Our Husbands Would Like To Fuck.

3. Feminism = what you make it. The End.

[Jessica]

Ah, crap, I guess I did post that last post and now I posted it twice. I thought the end post was...oh, nevermind, I'm a dumbass.

Carry on...

[Jessica]

Oops, thought I posted here, but I guess I screwed something up.

Anyway, my blog post was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek.

I have no problem with MILFing it up, but I've never claimed to be a feminist either.

[Mom101]

I think that whatever makes you feel good about yourself is a great thing, whether it has to do with a postpartum boob lift or otherwise. What bothers me is when those boobs are considered more important than what's behind them. And I don't mean saline bags.

[Izzy]

Re the MILF term... I was called a MILF long before I knew what it was. And when I asked, I almost choked because it was so funny in an immature, high schoolish kind of way. It doesn't bother me but I wouldn't walk around calling myself a MILF because then it sounds like I want to fuck myself.

[Izzy]

You do know the fannypack thing was a joke, right?

[dorothy]

I am totally with you.

[Bethiclaus]

Yeah, I'm not a real big fan of the term MILF. It seems so unsavory. Of course, I'd like for people to think I'm hot. But maybe in a less, hm, crude way.

I don't know.

[Suebob]

You are hot and your husband is insane. End of story.

[AdventureDad]

This is obviously a very common feeling among women. It's tough to be pregnant and gain a lot of weight. And don't even mention the hormones.....

I think my wife is very hot but she's definitely less hot when she's prego and has gained 40 lbs. She didn't feel a need to feel hot until way after our second kiddo came along. but after a few months she was dying to hit the ym, wear nice clothes, and look great. She's of course still hoping to run into Brad Pitt:-))

It's great to have a need to feel hot as long as it doesn't reach silly proportions.

Nice weekend

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[Kristin]

I find the title "MILF" rather skeevy... it has been said about me and it is a term that seems to be used exclusively by teen and yes, even pre-teen boys and trust me, once you hear the son of one of your friends refer to you as a MILF to one of his buddies, you run home for a turtleneck and sweatpants because it isn't the same as some hot guy out in the world admiring you, it is a basically the vocabulary of the under 20 set.

I'll echo everyone else, you're a beautiful woman and my guess is you are highly desirable to men.

[GIRL'S GONE CHILD]

I have no issue with MILF. I don't get why it's upsetting to people but evs. I think you're hot. Total MILF. You're way crush-worthy and sex-fantasy worthy, too.

[MetroDad]

Dear Motherhood Uncensored Readers,

I met up with the gorgeously pregnant Kristen two weeks ago in New York and while I'm not going to enter the whole debate about the meaning or feminist significance of the phrase "MILF," I would like to go on the record and say that Kristen is officially one hot mama!

Rock on, K. And always remember that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that YOU feel you're hot. Who cares what other people think? Most of the time, they don't know shit!

[Jessica]

My blog piece on IP was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek.

I have no problem with MILFing it up, but I'm no feminist either, so I have no interest in whether it sets the movement back or not.

[Shannon - PHAT Mommy]

Right on, girl. I'm actually getting a little sick of feminism. I am totally OK with being a mom and pleasing my man and having him "provide" for me. I work HARD taking care of my family. And if I can be hot, too, well, that's awesome.

[qt]

I always thought the term MILF existed to separate the woman being commented on from that persons OWN mom (in their mind), not that moms in general aren't fuckable. Guess I was out of the loop -or just being a bit too Freudian.

[Nancy]

I'm 210lbs. and 9 months pregnant as well. I definitely agree with you. I would love to be HOT. To be considered a MILF is A-Okay with me ;) I know I was a Hot Mom at one time, and I know I can be again. I'm just not feeling it right now.

[Stacy]

Who doesn't want to be a MILF? As long as there's someone out there that still thinks I'm one, I'm happy.

[RWA]

I have to agree. I think that would be a compliment. So what if it came from a childish movie? How many sayings and things in society today have? Lots.

[DDM]

Snaps up in a Z formation! Lol! I'm not at all offended by the term. I've even blushed and scuffed my toe in answer upon the bestowing of the MILF monniker. A couple of the guys at my husband's fire station call me that now and then. Usually when I'm wearing track pants, a hoodie and no makeup. It makes me feel good.

[Anne Glamore]

I got called a MILF. First I had to Google it, because I'm that much of a geek. Then I rejoiced and shared my new knowledge with my husband, who is incredibly hot, but even more out of it on pop culture than I am.

Then we did a high five and made wild monkey love.

I'll take that label ANY day.

[Robina]

The milk shooting out of the boob cracked me up, cause when I was breast feeding, I could do the same thing! Ha Ha! Mine weren't big, but dang I had enough milk for triplets!

Every woman wants to feel sexy and wanted, and when the very person who is supposed to feel that way forever starts winding down their duties, of course we need validation from some where! I don't mind being a MILF. I just don't like when my boys say that when their friends are around!

[callie]

I think it's a bit bizarre, really. I feel it's a really childish way of looking at a beautiful woman- most of the males who use the term are teenage boys. I'd like a real man, thanks, not the manchild boyscout who comes looking for soup cans to think he'd like to fuck me. I find that insulting, and I am a young mother. He'd have no idea what he was in for anyway. Leave the "porkeys" seduction for high school girls and give me a man who appreciates my motherhood instead of wanting to fuck me in spite of it. Or is it that these boys/men are really still looking for a mommy?

[John]

There's a tension between what could be (and probably has been) called "empowerment feminism" and "equality feminism". I'm speaking in very broad generalizations here, but empowerment feminism is fairly compatible with cultural standards of beauty, seeing them as another tool among many that can be used for self actualization. Equality feminism coexists less happily with beauty standards, as chance, nature, or God does not distribute such gifts in equal measure to all. By seeking to achieve a type of beauty that contains a physical component not available to _all_ women, you perpetuate a standard that will cause some women to be valued over others based on characteristics that are "unfairly" distributed.

I think that's a load of crap. So life isn't a board game where everyone starts on the same square with the same amount of fake money. Fortunately for the vast majority of us who haven't hit the genetic lottery, fuckability is like basketball: while you'll probably never be in the NBA if you're not over 6'2", with some practice and the right attitude, you can still have a hell of a fun time playing.

Feeling attractive rocks, because being attractive gives you the opportunity to do things (and people) that you might not otherwise. So then why should _wanting_ to feel desired be a sin? Don't let folks convince you that it's a choice between betraying yourself or betraying the whole of womankind. I'm curious to know just in what meaningful, rubber-meets-the-road sense that Francesca thinks you really are "all in this together". (As an aside that she might not appreciate, although I strongly disagree with her, I find her passion and obvious intelligence _extremely_ attractive.)

So to help give you a head start at a little ego boost, you are, let's say, noticeable? I mean, you're funny, totally hot, and not shy about enjoying sex, which as far as I'm concerned, makes you 100% MILF. (And hey, pony tails are sexy too; also I've never seen a woman whose appearance I thought was actually helped by make-up, although I suppose I'm in the minority with that opinion.) Mr. Rabbit Pearl has some human company in wishing to put a smile on your face.

[Maniacal]

Funny enough my husband just recently said to me while at the store the other day - "I was walking up the isle and said to myself..ooh look at that MILF. Then realized it was MY MILF. YOU! LOL"

It made me feel good. As it should. People are just too freakin touchy. ick.

[mamatulip]

MILF, Yummy Mummy, Hey Baybee...whatever. It's all good to me.

[Mrs. Chicky]

A-freaking-men! I'd love to be considered a MILF, believe me it would be a nice change. But these days I'd be happy with being considered a MILtSaPW.*

*Mother I'd Like to Split a Pizza With.

[Hippie Mama]

And why is it so important that I be a MOM you'd want to f@#*? Why does the fact that I'm a mom have anything to do with it?

[Hippie Mama]

I like the idea of being a "MILF," because being a mom doesn't mean I've lost everything that was ever sexy about myself, but the term itself sounds kind of creepy and juvenile. And I'd be really embarrassed for my kid to hear someone say that about me.

[jennster]

i think the hottest mom in america is nothing more than a freaking beauty pageant with a different name. i think it's stupid and lame and falls under all the awful things that regular beauty pagaents fall under!

BUT... i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to FEEL as if you're hot. wanting to feel good about yourself- it's not a mom or non mom issue- it's a woman issue. what woman doesn't want to feel like she looks good?!?!?!?

i'm happy to be called a milf. i think it's funny

[prescott]

I thought this piece was very concise in the whole "taking MILF back" vibe:

http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0619,bussel,73118,24.html

And I think Jessica's point in the blog post you linked to was not that wanting to be "hot" is hurting feminism, but that beauty contests and commercialization of the "hot moms" concept is.

[above average joe]

Last Friday my wife, who has lost 20 lbs, & I went to a Christmas party and seen a bunch a people we only see once a year. After all the "wow, you look great" comments she got, I got it really good from my MILF.

[Joanne/PunditMom]

Man, if I even thought some guy walking past me on the street was checking me out, my ego would be made for all of 2007. I think I'll go cover up the dark circles under my eyes and put on some masacara, but that probably won't compensate for the mommy clogs.

[Binky]

Absofreakinlutely. I am thrilled when a person implies any level whatsoever of milfiness in relation to my person. I have never, ever, ever bought the argument that a mother is beautiful simply by virtue of having birthed a child. Yes, motherhood is a lofty, lovely thing, but it does not necessarily make one fuckable. And fuckability is important, if you ask me.

[Francesca (Stuntmother)]

I don't like the terms not for some theoretical feminist bias, but because again we're being designated and limited by our reproductive status -- why not just be an attractive woman? Why include the mother bit? When you do, it suggests that mostly, mothers aren't fuckable. That most mothers are down home happy pie bakers and sex is something they did once with their eyes closed. It says, all right so you got to be a mother but you're still okay by us. Aren't you lucky that we still want to fuck you even though you're a mother?

It's divisive. It's judgemental. It's yet another external standard for us to measure ourselves against. We will never all be good enough because there are too many bars for us to clear -- working mother, yet at school when necessary. Stay at home, yet interesting at cocktail parties. Producer of new human beings, yet still somehow tight in the tummy regions. Home made cookie baker with no panties on.

Screw it. Screw all of it. I am just doing what I can do day by day and if someone wants to think I'm fuckable or not fuckable, who cares. It does not make my breasts perkier, my life easier, my parenting better.

I'm completely maniacal about this MILF thing, so forgive me for ranting. But there's enough that divides us mothers already -- hey - are you cool? are you hot? are you hip? can you prove to the world that you are still somehow good enough despite having reproduced? Or can we all just realize that we are who we bloody well are and that we're all in this together.

[TB]

I think I'm okay with it too, we'll see.

Also, they have a 2007 model? Sign me up!

[motherbumper]

I'd love to be called a MILF and I don't think it makes me any less of a feminist. Rock on fellow MILF.

[Redneck mommy]

As a stay at home mom who tends to lose her own identity in the whole mom label, it is nice when others step back and recognize that you aren't just a mom, but a sexy one too. Hard to remember when you are scrubbing your nephews shit out of yer couch...Sigh...

But as for fuckable moms, aren't we all? Or wouldn't we not be mothers? And I'd rather be the hot mom than the one in the fanny pack (no offence to Izzy who totally rocks that look...)

So please, step up, call me a MILF. But just don't do it in front of my kids, they already need enough therapy to break the bank!

[Mama Snee]

My high school boyfriend and his buddies used to use the term MILF. So if anything, American Pie stole it from Mike and the 1992 High School Soccer Team!

I would freaking love to be a MILF. But alas, I am wearing a giant, industrial strength bra and mismatched socks today, so maybe tomorrow I will undergo this magical transformation.

[karyn]

That is too funny - I just did a post about this, hoping that I now qualify as a MILF...hahaha...

Hey, if we wanted soul-shaking sex and hot , racy moments before we had children... why in Christ's Creation wouldn't we want them AFTER we have children?

Sure, we're sleep deprived and that may or may not be poop under our fingernails and we have CheezIt crumbs in our hair and our bodies have changed. Kind of a lot.

But jeeze louise. I'm so totally okay with the whole MILF thing.

[Petite Mommy]

I dont mind be called a "hot mom" or "MILF" at all. I actually used to have a hot mom contest on my site before all of this other hot mom stuff come about. I didnt think anything of it.

And, Since when did moms not become fuckkable? Seriously? We can be moms and still be sexy. I'm not going to completely shut myself down because I became a mom.

[krista]

You know what bugs me about the term (among other things).

That it came from that stupid kid from that stupid movie. American Pie.

I'm all about being attractive, and if people want to fuck me, well, fuck me, that is great.

I just don't want to embrace a phrase that comes from an asinine childish movie, and has asinine childish undertones.

[tori]

I overheard some teenage boys at the grocery store talking about women. When I passed by, after I assume they thought I was out of hearing range, they said I was a MILF. I was pissed, then totally happy. Then I couldn't decide how to feel. It is good to know that I still have it, but I don't know about hearing it when I am out with my kids.

My husband wouldn't even notice the haircut at all. He does notice if I have a new sweater, but he does the same kind of comments...oh your new sweater is red. Instead of what I'd like to hear, as in that I look pretty or something. Maybe we should all write a book of appropriate comments for husbands to make as some sort of guide book for them.

As for fanny packs, I thought Izzy looked hot in hers. I would never use one, but Izzy pulled it off.

[ali]

anyone wanting to call me a milf is okay by me ;)

[meritt]

... So glad to hear someone elses' husband is much like mine. LOL.

And the hair comment - not only would he say "Your hair is shorter." but it would be said about 4 days AFTER the haircut. A lightbulb moment. LOL.