One

I'd been eagerly awaiting my husband's final exit from Mississippi.

At least, so I thought I was.

It's been a long 2 months here and I still have at least another three to go. And while it's been one huge pain in the ass having to deal with the in-laws, I can't say I have missed all the other crap that I used to deal with on a daily basis.

Actually, I haven't even really thought about it.

I know  it will be nice to get a break. But will it be like it was before? The break with the "I'm the greatest husband in the world and I'm going to remind you of it every second because I'm giving you a break" attached to it?

Will I still get the "why are you so tired?" or the "why are you eating so much?" because apparently I'm just walking around with a basketball under my shirt and pregnancy doesn't give me a reasonable explanation for being anything but my chipper, perfect self that I haven't been since 2003.

Amidst the noise, chatter, complaints, idiocy, the drunk, bitter father-in-law and hanging bras, I get to do my own thing with my daughter. And I get to be me - not reactionary Kristen towards her husband me, or trying to deal with not feeling wanted since we had our first child me, or desiring love and affection from someone who's about as deeply caring as a tree frog me. I get to be just me.

And there's no one hanging over me telling me that I'm not doing anything, or that if he did it, he'd do it better. Because if he did, I could just hang up on him.

Let's face it. All the crappy stuff between us has been put on hold for 2 months. And it's been kind of nice. I haven't had to think about the stupid stuff he's going to say or do or not do.

Granted, I've had to think about the stupid stuff his parents are going to say or do or not do, but ironically, they're actually easier to deal with. Plus, I don't have to sleep with them.

Thank God.

Through all this pot/bra/in-laws nonsense, I've been fairly distracted from the impending disruption to what has taken two years for me to achieve.

The feeling that I know what I'm doing.

FINALLY.

I always knew that I wasn't really a baby person and that I'd be good with a toddler. I can take a tantrum anyday over the two hour infant scream sessions when you have no idea what's wrong and no one can tell you and no one can really make it better or easier for you.

And now things are good. She's sleeping, she's eating, she's talking, she's playing.

Life is good.

With that said, I'm scared.

Okay. I'm fucking frightened about doing this again.

God it was so freaking hard. So so hard, people.

I still remember all the days and nights I spent crying - no weeping... hoping that it would get easier and that the morning would come just so I could start another day over and maybe she would sleep without me pushing her in the stroller or I'd be able to eat more than spinach and turkey, or maybe she would take a bottle and I could get.a.break.please.I.just.need.a.break.

I look at my friends with their new babies - those friends who are making complete meals and going to yoga and enjoying their life and looking fresh, renewed, and happy and I think, why can't I be like that?

Maybe I can. Maybe it will be easier this time. No weird diets, a good sleeper, a bottle taker, a helpful husband, and some quiet time for me, in Little Rock. For 5 months. And then back here.

Sorry. Distracted there.

Okay. So, I know more now, right? I have two years under my belt so it's got be better. More relaxed. More laid back. Something.

Please. It's got to be better.

But this haze of in-laws, husband, another move, and pregnancy hormones shooting out of every pore has me swimming in a huge pool of dread.

Truthfully, I blog because it gives me a satisfaction I don't get from anything else in my life. I'm a good mother and I do right by my daughter, but I have nobody telling me this. Nobody other than my friends and my mother gives two craps about anything great I've done when it comes to where blogging has taken me over the last year.

I find personal satisfaction from connecting with folks through this blog - by writing pieces that speak to you (because you asked me to write them or because they were what you needed to hear), by talking about issues that matter, and by making at least one person laugh other than myself.

It's not that I'm unsatisfied or unfulfilled as a mother, but I'm driven by the part inside me that wants to do well, be heard, but most of all, make a difference. And let's face it, when things around you are crazy and crappy, it's nice to have something that drives you.

With this blog, and my other endeavors, I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile - not only because I enjoy writing, but I also feel as though folks enjoy what I write.

It's been a long year, but it's been a good one.

Here's hoping that the best is yet to come.

Happy One Year Blog-a-versary. Come back for the celebration all week long.

Comments

[merry mama]

Okay. I'm, like, the world's biggest loser when it comes to blogging right? And it's my own fault, right? But it's okay with me. Because blogging is for me the same thing it is for you (except without the deserved noteriety.)

But what I want to say is that until my last one was two years old I couldn't do anything either. And I've had six!!Yes, me! I'm one of THOSE! Those overpopulators. Weird, huh?

But every time I had a baby (except for my first, when I was a baby myself) it took me two or more years to recover, and now even after my last one has turned two, I still feel exhausted and spent most of the time. In fact, this is the first time in history that I do not feel sexy or like sex is anything I want to be part of... most of the time, anyway.

So, you're normal. It takes time to recover. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally-- in every way. Those women you see, they have nannies and doulas and all sorts of help. They are not doing it alone. Even if they are, they are not you. I know what I feel and what I can put up with. Even now, two years later, I still get the sudden panic postpartum feelings...the way I see it, I'm healing from the trauma of a lost life. I gave it because I knew I should. But I'm very happy to have it back now.

Hope that helps. I'm sorry you have had such a rough time. You are in my thoughts.

[Debbie K.]

Ugh... I remember Gabriel as a baby. I had a very bad time then, depressed and very afraid to be left ALONE with him. If someone was around, I was ok, but alone, it was anxiety city. I guess this was because he was premature and in the NICU for 6 weeks. After he was born, I could not look upon him without crying. I could not speak. I'd stand there, looking and crying. I'd grown accustomed to the nurses taking care of him and I didn't have to. I was happy that the nurses could do it better than I... then he came home the day before Easter of 2005. I could not even go to the hospital to bring him home because I was recuperating from an operation. My sister went in my stead. She was the one who carried him out... I missed that... still I felt safe... but now he was home. When they came in the door, all I could do was look at him and cry.

Eventually, I got the hang of feeding him, then got the hang of changing the diaper and it was not that bad. But THEN, when I thought I'd had it down, he'd change something. Wake up at a different time, whatever. I was afraid to pick him up, thought I'd drop him. Am I handling him too roughly... it went on and on. My husband, though, meaning well, was more afraid than I. We pretty much left that little guy in his cradle most of his life because the dr told us that he would grow when he slept. I didn't even know how to talk to that little baby. Did he hear me, does he know that he's got an old, boring mommie?

Then someone told me that it doesn't matter what you do or say. You will be the perfect mother in the eyes of that child. Kristen, babies love you unconditionally, no matter what. I was not the "clever" mommie that I am now, oh NO! If you were a fly on the wall, you would hear me, the broken record, repeating the same stupid words, incomplete sentences. Not even phrases or stories. I hummed the same song over and over... and he knew my voice! He preferred ME! Oh man, what a feeling. The more relaxed I got, I fell into making up little songs and poems. I'd sing church songs to him so that he would remember when I'd be singing in the choir while he was in my belly.

Kristen, I do not know about how it was for you for the first time, but I do know that it gets better. I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone will fall into their own, unique way of being a mother to a little newborn. You can look at it this way: Everything that you missed the first time, you have a chance to do over. The one thing that I missed was actually breastfeeding my baby becaue of my operation. If I had it to do over, I'd make sure that I would not give up on it like I did before.

...Besides, you are a certified MOMMIE!

[Asha]

First, Happy Anniversary! What an incredible accomplishment -- a year's worth of funny, honest, hearwrending, beautiful writing.

Second, it's easier the second time. I know blanket statements like that are risky, but in my opinion it's just not possible for Round 2 to be harder, even if Baby 2 is a more challenging personality. You're tougher now, more able to roll with the punches. Just today I was remembering that on the way home from the hospital with my first, I was terrified that all the other cars were going to hit us, of the car seat not being fastened properly, of taking this little precious thing HOME. On the way home from the hospital with my second, I stopped off at the store for a nursing bra, and got a hot dog at the drive-thru!

[Deborah]

Wow, I know you already have oodles of comments here, but I had to tell you that I connect so much with your words, that, it makes me feel like crying. ~Thanks for saying it.~

[Francesca (Stuntmother)]

Has it only been a year? Wow. Congratulations. I'm glad your in this bloggyverse.

My husband spent great swathes of time away a couple of years ago. Or was it only a year? And I was home alone with the two small ones. It was hard. But it was also easier, because there were no negotiations. No discussions. No emotional tangles. I was it. IT. And so I could do it -- be the bottom line and not feel bad. Not have to discuss things. Just be what I had to be on so many days.

It was hard when he came back, working him back into the space. But possible. It will be okay. And if it isn't, you will deal with that and dealing is what you do. And at least your bras will thank you.

Seriously - art museum? after TGing?

[Heather]

Congratulations on your one year blogiversary! This post resounded with my in several ways. My DH is in school every other weekend, and I feel guilty admitting I like the time when it's just me and DD. I feel like I can just be myself for those 48 hours. Not that I'm someone different when he's around, but just as you said it's how my personality reacts to his.

We're also really trying hard to have a second child, and our DD is six years old. I'm concerned about doing the whole infant thing all over again, but also know that I'm in a different place than where I was when DD was born.

Hang in there!

[Kristen]

Belinda ~ You can count on it.

Thanks for the offer :)

[Belinda]

Um, if you need a break, a babysitter, or just wanna hang out ANY time you're in Little Rock, pleeeeze gimme a shout, willya? Please? I'd love it. Seriously.

[rockabyemama]

Congratulations on your blog anniversary and all that you have accomplished in just a year! While I haven't been reading that long, I, too, truly find you inspiring and wish you all of the best with everything. I only have 1 (so far, hopefully), but I've been told although 2 are exponentially more work, they are also exponentially more love. I hope that your reunion with your husband brings you more joy, fun, relief, and help than pains in the ass!

[wordgirl]

Happy Blog-a-versary! Today (the 19th) is mine! I hope you discover how much easier this second one will be.

[Amy]

I appreciate your honesty- that motherhood is the most challenging thing EVER. I started blogging just before giving birth to my first child... and I understand how blogging and sharing the truth of yourself with others is fulfilling- I feel the same way. Keep busting myths and putting yourself out there- your light is shining bright!

[Stacy]

Wow! Congrats on your one year! That's so great. Keep it going if you can. When no. 2 steps into the picture, your time will be very limited (until, of course, you figure out how to schedule it all.) It takes time, but I'm confident you'll be a great mom to kid #2 and in some ways it will actually be easier.

[Ruth Dynamite]

The best is yet to come, Kristen.

Hang in there!

[Her Bad Mother]

You've made such a difference for me, and for countless others. You're a mom role model, on so many levels.

Never forget that. CLING to that.

Happy 'versary, friend.

[TB]

Happy Blog Day. You rock sistah. It's because of women like you, who write honestly about motherhood that I know for a fact even if it's the hardest thing I've ever done, being a new mom is going to be okay and we are going to survive.
Thanks.

[JChase]

Happy Blog-a-versary!

Kristen, I am so proud of all the accomplishments you have achieved, not just in this last year, but ever since I've known you. You are one of the most driven, successful, smart, stylish, and wonderful women that I know, and I am always in awe of the new projects that you take on and conquer. You will always have a fan in me, a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on. And though I know that we still don't know each other that well, I look forward to many years ahead to take care of that. You give me something to aspire to. I'm so very proud of you.

Jenn

[katebunge]

Happy blogiversary! I am new to your blog and the whole concept of blogging, and I have to say you have taken it all to a completely other level that I never expected was going on out here in cyberspace. I feel really late to the game, but am trying to find my own voice on my blog, and bloggers like you have inspired me that I know I can do it, too. You are definitely doing something worthwhile, and I have no idea how you find time to manage all the sites you have.

As for having another baby, I thought the same thing, too, because my first was a little high-maintenance, but the whole motherhood thing will come easier to you the 2nd time around. I think of myself as a better toddler/preschool type mom, too, but found that through the observations from my own mother, that I'm better with infants than I thought. So I try to enjoy every day now, since he's growing up so fast.

I know you don't know me, but you are doing great!

[Robina]

Kristen, I have four kids. The first two, boys, were 20 months apart and the second one was just so much easier! Seven years later I had a little girl, very easy baby as well. At 38, I had my last baby, a little girl, who is 16, 15, & 8 years younger than the other year. She was BY FAR the most difficult baby, but I had more patience with her. She cried all the time unless a tit was in her mouth, would not sleep unless I was holding her, and sleep through the night? Yea RIGHT! I couldn't clean the house, couldn't shower, couldn't do ANYTHING, and talk about the car? Holy Crap, as soon as she got in that car seat, she screamed non-stop until we stopped and I picked her up.

I don't mean to scare you, I just mean that no matter how bad this baby is, you will be able to handle it much easier than you ever did with your first.

BTW, my last child is wonderful now. She started sleeping through the night, in her OWN bed, at three months of age when the pediatrician told me to put "white noise" in her room. The first she slept through, and I was awake all night waiting for her to wake up and wondering if she was okay!

[Izzy]

I'm going to be honest and tell you that while the second baby isn't necessarily easier (although he could very well be a dream baby), you will be calmer and more sure of yourself and that in itself makes the whole thing less stressful. You'll do fine and if nothing else, take heart that the first six months, which I think are the hardest, really do fly by.

And happy blog anniversary! Mine is this week, too :)

[Meena]

Kristen – Happy Blog-a-versary! I have really enjoyed your blog. You are a very talented writer and I’m glad it’s given you a sense of satisfaction. You must know, to many of us, you ARE the “cool” person we wish we could hang with.

I had very similar fears about having my 2nd. In fact, I spent much of the pregnancy anxiety-ridden about the impact to my first child, the impact to us, etc. While other pregnant moms were anxious to hurry up and have their baby, I had no such desire for the pregnancy to end. Ironically it ended much earlier than I anticipated! But anyway, I had this worst-case scenario in my head about what two children – a toddler and an infant – was going to be like. My husband was very optimistic and relaxed. He wasn’t worried at all. When we finally were able to bring our daughter home from the hospital, I was a little surprised it wasn’t as hard as I thought. Sure there were moments it was just as I thought, but far and way, it was not. On whole, it has been much, much, much better (although I’m not saying there isn’t some adjustment!). Now my husband? He was thrown for a loop!!! He did not anticipate at all what it would be like. So he had QUITE an adjustment. So you may want to educate your husband about the probable reality of two!

I have been much more laid back this time around. And THANK GOODNESS she was a better sleeper than her brother, although I could have done without the colicky/witching hour thing for the first few months. I certainly would take my toddler’s tantrum over that!

I can’t even remember what it was like to have just one child. Who would have thought this former night owl’s favorite time of day is now morning? I sit on the couch drinking my coffee, while my toddler sits in the crook of my arm and my baby girl crawls all over me rubbing her head against my chest, periodically saying “ma ma.” It almost, almost makes me want to do this all over again.

[Apeetsmom]

I tend to be a blog stalker...I don't comment that much, but today, I'm moved to tell you that I read what you write everyday! What you write makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me sad, sometimes it makes me think about issues bigger than my own.

So I thank you for doing it. And I'm glad to hear that you are getting something from it as well.

As for the second go round with a new baby - it's a crap shoot! What you got the first time isn't necessarily what your gonna get the second time! If you had a tough time with the first, I'd say your odds are much higher to enjoy yourself more the second time. Good Luck!

[Rachel]

Believe me when I say that you will be more laid back and have an easier time with the second baby. I have a 6 year old and a 10-month old and it was easier the second time around, because I knew what to expect. Now I'm not saying that the lack of sleep and the flucuation hormones and having to take care of 2 instead of one will be easier, but, trust me, it will get easier.

[Kristin]

Oops, I forgot to mention the most important thing: I love your blog! Please know that you're helping at least one person (me)--and probably a lot more-- by writing it. You articulate your frustrations in a way some of us are unable to. I find your blog very cathartic to read. And it gives me a good healthy laugh every morning. Thank you!

[Kristin]

Kristen, you are an incredibly beautiful (I've seen your photo) talented (I've read your writing) individual. You are also a great mother. You seem to have more patience than I'll ever dream of (you've yet to write anything in your blog about yelling at your daughter--something many of us do and are profoundly ashamed of.) You happen to be surrounded by a bunch of neanderthals who don't appreciate you. I hope this changes soon--whether it comes from moving, making new friends, or going back to teaching one day. It sounds like you were wonderful at what you did for a living, and I sincerely hope (for you and for all your prospective students) that you will go back to it.

For what it's worth, my experiences with my first child were quite hellish, but my second baby was pretty easy. And I'm not sure she was actually any more laid back than my first--I just think I was. I took her to daycare at 10 months old (so I could go back to work part time and feel human again) and she was fine with it.

Some issues with your second baby will be totally new (as babies are all different) but many will be the same as with your first. With those things, it'll be like riding a bike. You'll find yourself saying, "Oh, yeah, I remember (insert issue here.) I handled it like this. No problem."

Throughout all this, remember that you are an incredibly bright and beautiful person, and there is a large part of yourself that has nothing to do with your children. That part has to be nurtured. If you need to get help with childcare in order to do this, so be it. No child needs an unfulfilled mother.

[Jenny]

Happy Blogoversary, girl!

It will get better. The hormones, the stress, the moving...you're going through hell right now but after this the rest will be cake.

Mmmm....cake.

[RLGelber]

Happy blog-o-versary Kristen.

I have two that are 15 months apart. The second was definitely easier than the first becuase I knew exactly what to expect. Not to mention that it was painfully fresh in my mind. I remember thinking with the first, right after she was born, "Are they really just going to let me walk out of here with this baby?" That thought didn't enter my mind with the second because I knew damned well they were.

It was hard. Don't get me wrong, but it was the devil I already knew.

The littlest is almost 11 months now and sometimes I even get to sleep a full night. Not always, but maybe 2 or 3 nights a week. :)

I love your blog. Your inlaws stories crack ME UP!

[katie]

Hey, I thought it was in a couple of days! Anyways HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! Keep 'em coming - babies, blogs, whatever you want, it'll be great whatever you do and we'll be here to help you through when it gets that little bit harder.

[Becky Brahma]

I think what you are feeling is normal. I know with just UNDER 4 weeks before my baby is here, I'm questioning myself all the time...WHY DID YOU DO THIS AGAIN?? YOU WERE HOME FREE!! POTTY TRAINED! SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!! But, I guess it's an evolution of ourselves, and we will learn even more patience, even more love, and eventually it will become our "norm". Keep blogging...we can sob together!

[Lady M]

Has it only been a year? You've had such an impact on the blogosphere - it hardly seems possible. Congratulations, and all the best for your family!

[Jenn]

happy blogiversary babe!! damn, you've done A LOT in one year in the blog world. and the real one: a gorgeous, happy toddler and a baby en route (to whom you will be a brilliant mom) - not bad at all!

[Kara]

Congratulations on your blogaversary. You have certainly accomplished a lot in a year.

As for baby number two, my daughter (now three) was a difficult baby. My son (almost one) has been so easy. He is so good I can take him anywhere. Sure we had the first two months of uncontrollable crying for whatever reason unbeknownst to us, but it is easier the second time. You feel more confident as a parent.

I think boys are easier too.

As for the inlaws - bless you, because I couldn't do it.

[Kyran, at Notes to Self]

Little Rock is a terrific place to be a mom (try to live midtown if you can). I consider myself fairly well-travelled and cultured, and I love it here.

Pregnancy is challenging to a marriage. At least I found it to be so, all three times (pregnancies, not marriages). It has a way of showing up all the fault lines. If the relationship's built on solid ground it becomes an opportunity to shore things up.

[metro mama]

Happy anniversary.

Love your blog Kristen.

[HarborLass/Melissa T.]

More work with two, but less anxiety. Part of that is experience, part of it is being too busy to obsess about every little thing. Your older child gets more self-sufficient, too.

My kids are 4 & 5. It does get easier. My neighbor with kids 8 & 10 is now experiencing the smooth flow that happens before adolescence kicks in.

Congrats on the one year. Try not to go back to your in-laws after LR. You are taking on too much.

[Lisa B]

Happy Anniversary lady. And wow, you brought back alot of memories from my child's babyhood.

Yup adopting a second child is sounding SO MUCH less scarey right now...

[Chag]

Happy Anniversary!!! It's amazing what you've accomplished this year. Keep up the GREAT work!

[Christina]

Happy blog-iversary!

As you know, I understand the fear of dealing with two kids. I'm pretty terrified myself. I just keep telling myself that women have juggled multiple children for centuries, so it has to be do-able.

(Well, that and I tell myself that when Cordy's 3, she's off to preschool, which will give me a little time to deal with only one for a few days a week.)

Hang in there, and here's hoping the huz comes back with some new found respect for you and all you do.

[creative-type dad]

Happy Blogiversary!
Time sure flies-

[Lia]

Happy year old blog. I love how you make me laugh, think, question, and hope your journey from here leads to more good things.

Baby 2 will be hard but you've been there done that with a newborn and it won't all be so confusing. The crying won't be so frightening.

[Anne Glamore]

K- I think you've come a LONG way in a year. I really LOVE reading-- you've got a unique voice and you're funny as hell.

I'm not a baby person either. Hell, I'm not much of a toddler person either. Once people around here get to be about 4 they are lots of fun. With Finn almost 11 and the twins 8, things are great.

The days are slow, but the years have flown.

I'll certainly be tuning in to see how things go. Hang in there!
AG

[BFF]

Happy Blog-o-versary! So much has happened in the last year. You are a whirlwind.

About the huz, let's just all keep our fingers crossed--that the long hours of sitting and driving from MS to PA will have shrunken his butt-hole--so his head won't fit so comfortably up his ass by the time he gets back.

[Hannah]

Hello and THANKYOU! I have been off work for almost a year and have sought comfort in reading your blog. I've found staying home with no close family quite isolating, so again thankyou. If it makes you feel better the second baby is so much easier, first time round you know nothing, the second time round you learn from previous experiences & it's a lot less painful. Oh & don't worry about having a fat ass... chasing around after two fixes that pretty quick. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

[Mrs. Q.]

I laughed at the part about your husband forgetting why you get tired and hungry. One of my friends said it so eloquently to her partner who said the same thing: I'M GROWING A HUMAN! SEE HOW TIRED THAT MAKES YOU! I used the same line the other day to my hubby. Sigh.

Happy Blogiversary. Keep on truckin'

[mayberry]

Congratulations! You have accomplished so much this year--and I'm sure there's lots more good stuff to come.

[Melissa]

Dude, happy one year blogiversary. I can't promise that your baby boy will be any easier that Q. If I could I would, but I'm not psycic. But most second kids are. It's like they are born knowing they have to wiat for certain things. Also, you do know what you're doing now. What you'll do, what you won't do. Somehow, it will be okay. I'm so sorry you have to deal with the in-laws and the crazieness of the moving. But you are doing something important and worthwile on the net. I just wanted you to know that.

[rachel]

happy blogiversary!

and it does get easier. you know what to expect, for one. And you know the tricks of using a sling (or whatever carrier you use), how to eat 1-handed, how to cook while jiggling a baby seat with your left foot while standing on your right.

My first is absolutely my most challenging. The other 2 have been much easier. I wish the same for you!

[mothergoosemouse]

Happy happy, my friend. Wishing you many more successes over the coming years!

As for baby #2 - yes, I felt better. Kyle was better. General life circumstances were better. Then we went and turned it all upside down by moving when CJ was three months old. But still - it was better.

That's not to say I didn't cry. A lot. Or that I lost my shit on a few occasions. But the fact that I knew what was coming my way made a real difference for me.

Doug is going to have to step up more, and you'll have to let him. And you'll both have to give each other more leeway when it comes to what you do and how you do it.

Congrats again on your Blog-a-versary. Looking forward to the initial report on Doug's homecoming...

[Redneck mommy]

I don't remember if the second was harder than the first. They were only 13 months apart and my life was a fog. A fog that suddenly dissipated and all was right with the world.

I know it was hard, but I also know the second child was completely different than the first. And that I had been around this block before, so that made it a tad easier. Now that they are 9 and 10, they are inseparable and they darn near parent themselves...

(So why do I want to adopt another baby??She asks as she bangs her head against the wall...)

I do know that your blog makes a difference. You were the first one who made me smile and pulled me out of my grief when Bug died.

Every day I would come back here, to read your humour and your wit. You managed to make me think and feel again, and by doing this, I was slowly able to stop wallowing in my grief.

You inspired me to start my own blog, and while it is wildly unsuccessful in comparison to yours, it gives me a little piece of myself to hold on to and remember.

I am not just a grieving parent, or a mother to a handicapped child. I am not simply the soccer mom to Fric and Frac or the wife to a husband of ten years who still can't remember that I hate mayonnaise on my freaking sandwiches.

You gave me all of that simply by giving yourself to your blog.

Thank you, and happy anniversary.

[crunchy carpets]

'kay...I am not existing in the hell that you are right now...but as the others have said...baby no. 2 is easier...I was a hormonal freaky wreck with no. 1 and it just didn't happen with no. 2.

So yes.. a toddler and a baby is hard..but really not as hard as I thought it would be.

A pre schooler and a toddler...THAT is hard....so just you wait!

The worst with no. 2 was that she wouldn't sit in her little bouncy chair and happily observe life like no. 1 did....so that meant mom had NO time to herself and still hasn't.

But now they pester me with words and yells instead of just screaming.

But you will get into the groove...I just wish for you, that you were in your own home and away from all the nutiness.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

I had a similar experience with #1---the weeping, inability to make her happy, no sleep and panic that I was sucking as a mother. The good news? #2 was easier and it wasn't that she was a miraculous baby. I just understood that there would be tough times and I also could see the light at the end of the tunnel---I had my older child to show to me how quickly babyhood had passed.

I have not had a months-long break from DH but think I understand where you are coming from. When Monday rolls around, I almost feel guilty that it is just me and the kids. Particularly this weekend when things are very very strained and tense between him and I (crappy fragment sentence.

[Andi]

I only have one, so I can't tell you about what to expect from your second except to say that all babies are diffferent. There's a bit of folklore that says that if your first child was "difficult" your second will be "easy"...

You know what you can accomplish with an infant in tow. Q is a toddler now and can be pretty self-sufficient for short periods of time.

[karyn]

Okay so it's not news now, but yes, it is easier the second time. AND the second baby? Is not guaranteed to be like the first. My firstborn is on the Autistic Spectrum and is as demanding as the day is long. Baby # 2? Piece of freaking cake. The harder part IS, as stated, the transition from One child to Two Children. But as with everything else, you will grapple with it in your own way and make it work and turn out another beautiful, healthy, well rounded child. And you'll get to yoga class and those Hallmark moments. You will. Maybe not as soon as you'd like or the WAY you'd like, but you will get there.

[Andie D.]

OK. You want the truth? The truth is that handling the 2nd baby IS easier. Easier in that you have been there, have done that, and can make not only educated guesses but experienced guesses.

What they DON'T tell you is that 1 + 1 does not equal 2 when it comes to kids. More like 4.

The truth is that handling a newborn and a toddler is HARD. If it were just your 2nd child, and that's all you had to focus on, it would be easier.

To make it easier, give yourself a break NOW. Don't try to do it all with two in tow. Don't try to keep the 1st happy all the time because it's just not possible. Prep your girl so that she knows (as much as she can, really) that Mommy is going to have to give a lot of attention to the new baby; and she knows that she is special. You may want to prep the hub too.

One more thing: After the first few months it will get better.

[Kendra]

Having just had my 2nd, I can say it's way way easier! The L&D, recovery, nursing, getting no sleep, even crying baby were all easier. I felt more like I knew what to do because I've done it before. The tricky part is, like everyone says, the time thing with the older one. But that wasn't even that bad. I'm sure you'll be fine! Good Luck and hang in there with the in-laws.

[Mrs. Chicky]

Get out of my head. I mean it, it's freaky. I could have written the same thing (minus a few points) if I were gutsy enough.

Happy Blog-iversary. Here's to many more.

[HG]

Kristen - the second is easier, even if Baby 2 is more difficult, because you are able, through experience, to know what is going on. The self-blame dissipates when you know that what you are dealing with is just a "baby thing" (e.g., crying jags).

Plus you are too busy with two to take the time to reflect on what's going on - you just do it ;)

[Kvetch Blogger]

Happy Blog-iversary! You surely have made an impact on many in the past year. Thank you for all of it -- here's to many, many more!

[Linda]

Happy anniversary & congratulations. I love your blog. And by the way: you *are* a good mother and you *do* do right by your daughter!!! Just in case you needed to hear it. :)

[Tater and Tot]

Happy Anniversary!

I think that we are privileged to be able to share in these posts which are your life. Thanks for letting us have a glimpse.

p.s. I think the second ones are easier! At least you know a little more what to expect with #2, so it's not quite as scary.

[GIRL'S GONE CHILDH]

Happy Blog-a-versary Kristen! Love you, girrrrrl!

[Stephanie A.]

You ARE doing something worthwhile. We all have to have outlets and apparently this one really works for you. While you do have a lot on your plate right now, it is good to see you embracing your achievements.

[krista]

It HAS been a good year. Amazing what you've accomplished in terms of your claiming your creativity as a writer, and now even as a radio host. It's been a ride just being alongside you.

Happy Blogiversary Friend.

[Sarah]

You are a great mom, and hasn't anyone told you yet, boys are much easier. I have 3 and they weren't complete angels, but I think they require less attention and are lower maintenance if you know what I mean. So you have that to look forward to. Besides you are at a completely different place in your life right now so you have nothing to be afraid of. I'll always be here for you!