Motherhood Uncensored

I'm Not Pregnant. I'm Just, um, Fat.

So, it's all fine and dandy until you have a friend who just doesn't know how to dress for their body. I'm rarely embarrassed by the way other people look -- save my mom who had her wet hair in a bun on top of her head the other day and I was like "take that down right now!"

But, she's my mom. And I can do that.

However, I'm not so sure how you go about telling your friend that perhaps they might consider a different approach to clothing -- you know, perhaps one that actually flatters their body and doesn't make them look pregnant.

*Lindsay emailed me asking just that. How do I politely tell my friend that her clothes are not flattering? I just think she could look so much better in something else but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

So, I've enlisted Moxie's help today. Feel free to share your own thoughts below.

Yikes! I really don't know what to say. I'm great with comebacks when people are being rude or nosy, but how can you say to a friend, "You need to dress differently because everyone thinks you're pregnant."? She probably thinks the empire (which I will always say "ahm-PEER" just because) waists are hiding her tummy and making her look slimmer, but instead they're making her look like the mom (or grandma, or grandpa) on Caillou and exacerbating her problem.

Maybe you can trick her into getting the message. DVR a bunch of episodes of "What Not To Wear" and have her come over for a night of watching the eps and drinking wine. After hearing Stacy and Clinton and Trinny and Susannah tell people to wear defined waists to create the illusion of a defined waist, maybe she'll get it. Or maybe she'll get so drunk you can tell her straight out and she won't remember it the next day, but she'll just have this vague urge to go buy jackets that cut in at the waist.

So what do you think? I've always thought of buying them something else might be a good way to do it, although it depends on how much of a friend she is. That's what I do with my mom who has a penchant for wearing my handmedowns from 1992. I just buy her a new outfit and hope she gets the hint.

Any thoughts? Let me know in the comments. Help Lindsay out. And stay tuned for more exciting Moxie answers next week. Thanks to all of you who emailed me your questions. Apparently, I am NOT the only one.

PHEW!

Maybe I'm Not So Bad at This After All

I know I've written many a post about the challenges of motherhood.

Okay. More like the "knock-down-drag-me-down-a-road-half-naked-with-poop-on-my-hand" challenges of motherhood.

It's hard. It's not fun. It can suck. A LOT.

And for various reasons, I've taken it upon myself to share my crazy stories of motherhood with you. Maybe it's so you'll laugh and then I won't feel so bad. Or maybe it's because I have no shame. Or maybe it's because I want people to not be afraid when they feel like they can't do it, or that they suck, or that their kids hate them, or that they should have kept the condom ON.

You get my drift.

I'm not sure how to measure success as a parent. Maybe when they're 25 and they have a job and they don't live in your house and they don't have genital warts you've done well. You can brag to the neighbors "My kid makes his own money and he's STD free!"

Victory is mine!

But with a 2-year old? How do you know? Let's face it. No one's offering me a crown and sash (or anything remotely congratulatory) around these parts.

Certainly those moms with kids that run them ragged, climbing on chairs at 10 months and screaming bloody murder at the supermarket are doing their best just like the moms with a quiet kid who reads books and doesn't eat her playdough. And just because your 2-year-old can sing the National Anthem in Portuguese and mine can only eat her toe jam with her eyes closed says nothing about my parenting ability at this point in time (just that I might want to feed her real food).

For lack of anything more substantial, I think it's just a feeling you have. When you look at your kid for that split second and you realize she's alive, breathing, and smiling. And that everything you've done for however long you've been doing it has paid off. It's those moments that are sometimes fleeting and hard to catch that tell me YOU DONE GOOD.

So make sure you tell yourself the same, moms and dads.You'll be wiping shit off the walls soon enough. Enjoy those tiny moments in time (maybe when they're sleeping, alone, in their own room and bed, after you just read to them and didn't have to lay with them for 45 minutes until they fell asleep or they are pooping on the potty and you don't have to wipe gobs of poop of their stinky yet still cute little asses) where the world is telling you that you've done good too. Sure. It's nice to bask in the glory that is the community of tub-poopers, wrestler-like tantrum throwers, and sore vaginas.

But sometimes it's nice to hear "You're doing a great job with your kid," isn't it? Because there are no Perfect Parenting awards or ROFL mothering awards. It's just us writing our stories hoping that someone will relate and feel better about themselves, and in that, we'll feel pretty okay too.

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This isn't an award, but you can certainly make someone feel really good by nominating them. Plus they can win prizes! Check it out.

It's Time for the Support a Mom Contest: Expectant Mom Edition

Damn that Oprah. She did her whole favorite things show today where she gave away the $1000 to all the audience members and they had to give it away. Did you see it? Like I need to cry anymore than I already do.

Seriously.

So, I've taken my tears and am turning them into action by offering the Support a Mom Contest this month.

Here's how it works.

1) Find an expectant mom with a blog who could use a little pick me up. First time mom? Single mom? Tired mom? Mom who just needs some cool stuff because she's a mom with another on the way? GREAT. Just make sure she's EXPECTING (or ADOPTING).

2) Write a post about her on your own blog. A full post. Not a link, but a nice post. Make sure to link to her blog.

3) Email me or post the link to YOUR post in the comments below by Friday, December 8.

4) I'll pick 3-5 finalists and then readers will vote.

5) The winner will get a $50 gift card to Merry Maids or Spa Wish and the winning nominator will get a $50 gift card to Merry Maids or Spa Wish. YES. BOTH OF YOU WILL WIN SOMETHING! You can also choose to give your gift card to your nominee if you're feeling EXTRA generous this holiday season.

*If you have or make cool stuff for moms and you'd like to donate an item towards a gift basket for the winning mom, let me know and I'll make you one of the sponsors of the contest.

So, that's all. NOW GO. READ BLOGS. WRITE POSTS. NOMINATE. And spread the love by linking this post on your own blog.

Contest Sponsors:  Tracey Clark (Maypapers & Picture This)

One is a Lonely Number: Blog Talk Radio Show Notes - November 28

It seems like you just popped the baby out and folks (particularly moms) are already asking you when the next one is coming. I always wonder, did they actually ever have children themselves? Labor? Delivery? NO SLEEP!

However, it's enough for folks to decide to stick with one (for now or maybe always). There's something to be said about folks knowing their own limits and saying "I'm fine with one, thank you." They get your full attention, you can spend your time focused on them, and you won't feel spread thin when it comes to dealing with two or more.

But, that's selfish, right? Julie called in to discuss this whole notion of having another one so the kids learn social skills. Sure, it's attractive to have another so you don't have to leave the house and deal with germs, however, it's a bit much to assume they'll learn any and all social skills by playin with a sibling.

Tania discussed her decision to stick with one for now, simply due to lack of desire and enjoyment of her current child. She discussed being able to see the possibility for more down the road, but also discussed feeling happy with one and not believing her daughter was lacking or would lack anything in the future for being an only child.

Lena added that although as an only child she never felt lonely, neglectful, OR had the inability to share, she did feel that she was missing something as an adult. And with her now 5-year-old begging her for another child, she strongly desires another one so her daughter can have a mate - for the present and the future.

Certainly life changes - deaths, births, and everything in between - can motivate a person to decide to have another one, however, the issue stands that folks become so judgmental of someone who decides to have one. I imagine there's a bit more sympathy for people who can't have another one - but the stereotype of "the only child" which is debunked frequently in literature (and by Lena herself -- a fine blogger and lovely person to boot) is still perpetuated.

Thanks to Jana for calling in and sharing her thoughts as a mom of a 1 and 3 year old. She gives us (or me) hope that 2 can be easier and that it is nice to see her two children bond and play together.

Just remember. Folks who choose to have one are for the most part making an informed decision. And unless hubby sneaks off and gets clipped, they can always decide to have more. Certainly motivating factors (like Lena's situation) can influence a decision of someone who is perfectly happy with one.

I say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Of course, I have no idea why I'm pregnant with #2 if that's my motto. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Really, for me, it's about giving my daughter a sibling and extending our family. Otherwise, I'm not sure I could physically or emotionally do it again.

Plus, I have blogging this time and I'm depending on YOU folks to help me out.

Stay tuned next week for a debate on schooling - from tot yoga to homeschooling - we're covering it all. If you have a topic or comment, email me at coolmompicks@gmail.com. As always, thanks for listening!

Subscribe to my podcast feed here.

and listen to the show here:

And don't forget that you can listen via itunes for all you fancy mac people and windows too! I'll post the link to the show when it's up and ready to go. 

The Joy of One

I have always thought that I'd have at least two kids. Even three...

And then I had one. The labor was rough, but not totally unbearable. The early months were rougher, but I made it through, elimination diet, tons of sleepness nights, and crazy long days.

But it still took a lot of thought and consideration when I decided perhaps I'd like another one.

Go through all the craziness again, particularly when I finally feel like I know what I'm doing and I can understand my daughter?

UGH.

I love this time in her life - she talks, she walks, and she plays, ALONE (and very well at that). And I have to say, I enjoy the freedom I have now. Two years doesn't seem like a long time to be totally strapped to a little person, but it is - particularly with 21 months of breastfeeding and no family around to help.

But I did decide to get pregnant again. And initially I was scared and even a little sad - that my attention would be diverted, and that my daughter would not be my only one.

I never understood why folks decided to stick with one child (other than for obvious medical reasons) until after I had a child. I certainly get it now. However, I've talked to a few only children now who are caring for their parents and it's definitely burdensome.

That's certainly NOT a reason to have another child. It wasn't even factored into my decision, but I will say it's not because I LOVE babies and can't wait to hold and coddle another one.

So what's your reasoning for having more or sticking with one? And if you want to share your thoughts on the topic, I'm doing my radio show on it tonight - with special guests Cheeky Lotus and Mrs. Chicky. Please join us! 10-11pm EST.

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If you are a practicing Jew (and are raising your kids as such) and/or practice an Eastern Religion of some kind, please email me. I'm doing a 2 hour holiday special and would like to speak with you about joining me on the air.