An Open Letter to the 18 Year Old Receptionist at the Spa

Dear Miss:

Let me preface this by saying I'm pregnant. I don't get out much. And I'm living with my in-laws.

I know you don't know what any of those things are yet, I hope, and let me tell you, you shouldn't. Continue to enjoy what seems to be your obsession with post-Justin pre-baby Britney Spears. Because really, it's all downhill from there.

And clearly, that's saying something.

I realize that it must have seemed a bit odd, me waving you off as I decided to test what turned out to be overpriced room sprays...

ON MY WRISTS.

But let me assure you. I'm really not that uncultured or stupid.

Much to my horror, I had just been awakened from my 60-minute facial by some woman named Elizabeth claiming to be an aesthetician. Clearly, I had seen Johnny Depp rubbing my face. Smelling of clove cigarettes. And raw passionate sex.

In a nutshell, I was discombobulated and clearly out of sorts.

So, I thank you, with every pregnant breath I have, for not pointing out that I was indeed leaving the spa doused in "Summer Fresh" and "Lavendar Escape," your new line of aromatherapy room sprays, and for checking me out with an absolutely straight face - not even one eye roll or chuckle to be seen.

I'm not sure I would have had as much willpower. And for that, I admire you. You go with your blonde streaked hair, and brown-lined lipped self.

You won't hear any complaints from me.

Ever.

Sincerely,

That Pregnant Woman

Comments

[Dawn]

Hey, now you smell good!!! Personally, I prefer a citrusy room spray to wear myself. LOL

[Kristen]

Hey- room, wrist. Same difference.

[jennster]

she probably copied you after you left and thought "what a great idea!!! NO ONE will smell like me!!!"

you're a trendsetter!

and *sighs*.. the britney justin days.. the good days. i want them back!

[Karen Rani]

KRISTIN!!!!
I just read your fabulous interview with Leah! I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it.
Karen
xo

[HarborLass/MelissaT]

Johnny Depp, huh? I'll have to think about that one.

[motherbumper]

Oh No You Didn't! I don't know why but it reminded me of the time I sprayed myself in the face with Obsession because I wasn't paying attention to where the sprayer was. I feel for you, I really do.

[Pattie]

I have been known to douse myself with Febrezze from time to time on purpose.

I bet that spa girl was pretty gracious because I would be willing to bet you weren't the first and you won't be the last person to make that same mistake! :0
But hey, I bet you smelled great!

[Lady M]

From the title, I also thought it was going to be a nightmare of customer service - go spa girl!

And I'm sure your wrists smell great!

[jozet]

BAH-HA!!!

Omg, I hope you gave that girl a big tip. Her delicate handling of the situation is a lost art.

However, I'm now going to Google "pregnant customer sprays herself with room scent" and see what her blog entry says. ;-)

[whymommy]

Tee hee. Thanks for the chuckle. I'm so pregnant I often can't remember what I was going to do next. And this morning I put the Raisin Bran into the refrigerator. It wasn't until I was putting the milk in the cabinet that I realized what I was doing.

(The folks in my Ph.D. program would never recognize me now! I hope.)

[mothergoosemouse]

You'd smell good to me. Even better than clove cigarettes.

[Stacy]

Brown lip liner? Ewwwwwwwwwww! I hate that look.

[Jen]

Oh....yeeeaaah. I am right there with you sister! I did that with linen spray!

[Kari]

Aw, its all the same stuff. Isn't it?

[jonniker]

Seriously, you are not crazy, and what you did is completely acceptable. I'm a bit of a fragrance-phile and actually buy certain room spays to wear *on purpose* (John Galliano has one with Diptyque that is amazing). It's not that uncommon of a practice! I swear! They don't advertise it because there are an entirely different set of rules for skin use and chemicals, but by and large, this is more than okay to do. People at high-end cosmetic boutiques will back me on this, I promise: pretend you meant to, and no one will care.

[something blue]

Maybe my husband was pregnant when he sprayed Febreze on himself. I kind of like the idea of him being knocked up smelling all summer fresh.

I blame the packaging these days.

[Andie D.]

Oh god you can tell where my mind is: I heard the names of the room sprays and thought they were names of, ah, feminine sprays. NO ONE could've not laughed at that.

[Bobita]

Kristen,
You were absolutely brilliant and funny before...but this pregnancy has catapulted your wit into the realm of genius. Pure. Genius.

[Chase]

Hey, at least you weren't in the spray paint section, yeah? 'Lavender Escape' would have had a whole new meaning..

[Dana]

I've done the same thing and I didn't even know it until I got home with the "perfume" I purchased to realize it's a room odorize in Lilac Lavender.

[karyn]

Sweet Jesus, Kristen - are you sure we're not related?

That was too funny. I agree with Mrs. Chicky. There are days I have thought of just spraying myself with the Downy Wrinkle Release Spray and calling it a day.

[Mrs. Chicky]

Room Spray. Perfume. It's all the same these days. Hell, if it made me feel like more of a woman I'd spray lemon Pledge on my neck.

[juliness]

What a hilarious example of truly great customer service. Although when I first read the title, I totally went the other way in my mind. Imagine my relief when the 18-yer-old managed to make your faux pas "okay."

[Karen Rani]

Silly prego-brain...at least she was nice! :D

[krista]

Smirk.

Sometimes room sprays smell better than purfume.

[canape]

Thank you for the Monday morning laugh. The mental image of you with the room sprays, waving that girl is the image of pure glamour. Awesome.

[Jenny]

But really...who doesn't want to smell like a fresh, clean living room? Personally it's one of my favorite scents.

Sadly, I can barely remember what it smells like.