Moxie is Here!

I know that this is not an advice column. But I figure some of the Am I the Only Ones are worthy of more than the goofy analysis that I give them. So, I have enlisted the help of Ask Moxie, a mom who helps other parents troubleshoot their parenting issues.

Did I mention that I love her? Mainly because she's a mom not a dr.phd.md expert type. And if you haven't checked out her blog, you should go there right now. She tackles everything from traveling with baby, to how long to wait for a toddler to eat, to what baby books are best.

And on Thursdays, she's going to squat here and answer your Am I The Only Ones. SWEET!

Today she's addressing Melissa's email regarding her gifted daughter:

Am I the only one with a gifted child who absolutely HAS to be stimulated and intellectually challenged ALL the time or she makes life for herself and everyone around her living hell? And how in the world do you keep a child challenged all of the time and teach her how to deal when not being challenged all of the time?

My two cents? Don't take the living hell part. Yep. I say lay down the law and show her who's smarter (or in her case, maybe it's just bigger... heh) but still I imagine that at some level she needs to learn how to play on her own and function without having someone (read: you and the huz, I imagine) on constant guard. Dude. You've got to be exhausted.

Oh but what the hell do I know? Let's hear what Moxie has to say:

She sounds like an amazing, complex girl. Maybe it would help things go more smoothly for all of you if you could shift the focus from "keeping her challenged" to "helping her share the family's activities and learning to entertain herself more." This would also help her out at school and in making friends, as well as making your life with her at home less frenetic.

Since she is so smart, you probably want to approach the subject from an intellectual standpoint first by talking about what manners are and why they're important. Why it's important to be able to wait your turn. Why it's important to show consideration for other people. Then you can set up some situations in which she has to wait short periods of time for things, or allow someone else to decide, or be bored for a short time. She won't like not controlling things even for a minute, but stand your ground and work up the time gradually. Don't give in and give her what she wants just to appease her. Instead, keep talking about how you know she can wait or give someone else a turn. When she does wait or allow someone else to choose, thank her.

This is going to be a slow, painful process, but it's going to pay off for all of you. A smart child who shows concern for others and can amuse herself is a delight. Learning patience will help her be able to make friends more easily, which will make her enjoy school more. Being able to keep herself stimulated will allow you to be the parent instead of the servant. And she might be able to develop a good relationship with her sibling.

There must be other readers who either have children like this or who were children like this. How did you learn or teach your child to be able to get along with other people in the family and at school? What was the most difficult part?"

So, help Melissa out people. What say you about this? Leave a comment and even better, if you have a question for Moxie, drop me an email.

Comments

[Nancy]

Thanks Kristen and Moxie.

My older daughter is fairly well behaved in general, but she does get quite whiny when she expects to be entertained, and she's impatient when asking for help with something (like she asks 2-3 times in a 5 minute period.)

We're working on the patience and independence things. One thing I've found helpful is to make it easy for her to make her own entertainment -- leaving coloring books and crayons within easy reach, rotating toys so she doesn't get bored with the offerings in the living room. I do also encourage Mimi to help with chores -- so if she's looking for me to sit and play with her, I can counter-offer by asking her to help with the dishes. (She loves that -- of course her version of "help" is more playing with the water!)

I think it will be even easier when Mimi finally can read on her own. I suspect she'll disappear into her own world of books like I did as a kid, and then I'll be the one looking to play with her! ;-)

[Melissa]

Thank you Kristen and thanks to Moxie too. I appriciate all the advice. I will definetly try what you suggested.

I guess I am the only one. :)