Yeah. New Glasses. That's What it is...

Apparently, Typepad is working again and you can comment - except all comments from yesterday were lost. No worries. I read them - however, if you want to leave your blunder AGAIN - or a new one, please feel free.

Did I mention that I suck at cooking? Okay. Let me rephrase. I'm slightly cooking-challenged. I can follow directions and whip something together that is reasonably healthy and tasty but really, I loathe it. And it's hard to be motivated (or good at) stuff you just don't like to do.

It was so easy when I was single. I ate whenever I wanted and I just threw something weird together that no one else would eat except me and I was fine.

Then I got married - to a picky husband who pulls anything and everything gritty, hard, stringy, and bizarrely stretchy out of his mouth. And things have to go together - like meat and potatoes. You can't have random combinations like salad and corn and chicken (too many veggies) or rice and pasta (too many carbs). UGH. It's annoying.

And now with the kiddo. It's like annoying central. Sure. She's a great eater. But one can only make processed meat and noodles with a side of secretly slipped in veggies so many ways.

So, I decided to venture out and try some of Becki's recipes. She has a lot of good meat recipes and since I was a vege for YEARS, I really have no clue as to how to cook meat. Tofu? yes. Pork? Hells no.

And so, I tried her Soy-Glazed Pork. Easy. Like 5 ingredients that I actually OWN. Squeeeeee.

I was proud. Cripes. I hadn't made pork EVER. And "Soy-glazed" sounded simply FABULOUS.

So I followed all the directions, thickened the sauce (cornstarch is generally my nemesis but not with this recipe), and took a bite.

ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK, pfffffffffthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. (Me spitting it out).

Hello vinegar. Man. It was like Vinegar-glazed Vinegar with a Side of Pork. Darnit. I was feeling so good. And so I looked back through the recipe to see what I had done wrong and there it was at the top of the list.

4-6 Pork Chops

Yep. I had used two. So apparently, I need new glasses.

And a cook.

So, be a good sport and share your biggest kitchen blunders. PLEASE!!!!!!

Comments

[Eryn]

Passover Rolls. Not being Jewish, I didn't have any previous experience with making the damn things, but when I started dating Steve I decided to give it a try.
In case you aren't aware..
Making passover rolls involves boiling oil and water, and then mixing in some matzo meal and eggs and baking it until it is a rock-like inedible substance that vaguely resembles a roll.
I learned two things..
1) boiling oil tends to explode if you forget about it for a few minutes..
2) when baking something that is about 97% raw eggs, you must make sure that they are actually, completely cooked before you feed them to your boyfriend. Because, yeah.. they contain salmonella.. and salmonella induced corn and egg vomit is a pain to clean out of the carpet and bedding..

[Elizabeth]

For an office potluck I attempted to make an "Indoor S'Mores" type recipe that called for mixing butter, corn syrup and melted chocolate chips together, pouring over Golden Grahams cereal and mini marshmallows, and then pressing it into a pan like you do with Rice Krispie treats.

I had waited until that morning to make it, and after I pressed it into the pan, it looked way too wet. So I'm thinking, I'll put the pan in the oven on low and that will dry it out. The pan goes in at about 250 for 15 minutes, and it comes out still looking wet. So the pan goes back in for another 15 minutes. At this point, I had to leave for work, so I packed up the pan and left, figuring it would cool on the way.

You know what happens when you bake a corn syrup mixture? It hardens into the texture of paving material. My coworkers were chipping off the bits on the top,trying to be polite, but it would have taken a jackhammer to cut it. The pan had to soak in my sink overnight before the rest of the "S'mores" came out. I never made it again.

[Nancy]

In Home Ec during middle school we had one assignment to make at home. It was banana bread and it came out looking sooo yummy and had just the perfect shape. I had to bring it in to show the teacher -- she was impressed by the appearance, but when she took a taste she made a horrible face and spit it out. Apparently the crisco that my mom had given me to use was several years old and had gone rancid. At least my teacher didn't throw up (and she gave me an A for effort) but I was mortified.

[mayberry]

A few years after college I invited a few people over for dinner, including a guy I was hot for (who turned out to be gay, but that’s another story for another day). Included on the menu was garlic mashed potatoes. I thought I could save time by not roasting the garlic, and threw it in RAW. Yeah, that wasn’t a very good shortcut.

[Izzy]

Let's see...so MANY to choose from. Oh, wait...this is one of my faves.

It was the hub's birthday and I invited a gazillion people to an early evening party at the outdoor patio of a local club and it was a blast. Lots of fun, good friends, drinks etc.

When it came time to eat cake, it looked gorgeous but I noticed that it was really dry looking. And very dense.

It was, in a word, DISGUSTING.

Apparently, baking soda and baking powder are NOT interchangeable.

Who knew?

(and thanks for the shout out!)

[Rock the Cradle]

Apricots.

My first attempt at making pureed fruit for the Impling, and I was totally spanked down.

They were happily steaming in the pot, and then, the Impling. She shrieks.
In the time it took to go pick her up, the water evaporated, and the smell of burning apricots filled the apartment. They had transformed into a congealed, blackened mass that melded with my pan forever.

Final score:
Impling 1
Calphalon pot 0

[mothergoosemouse]

Thank goodness Kyle cooks. And I'm so grateful that I rarely complain about what he puts on my plate (except that one time he seasoned the veggies with celery salt - doesn't he know by now that weed, in any form, is BANNED from this house?)

I haven't cooked enough to make any serious blunders, but my dad still laughs about the time when I was trying to make chocolate mousse and couldn't figure out how to fold. I called their house looking for my mother, cursing up a storm about how the damn whipped cream and melted chocolate refused to fold.

I can do it now. Mousse is my specialty.

[JenniferB]

When I was 12 we were having some people from church come to dinner. I begged my mom to let me cook dinner. She let me choose this meatball stew recipe and then actually did not hover (maybe that is why she second guesses me now?). At the table we always serve guests first (and I hadn't yet learned that the cook must always taste test the food before serving) and one of them bit into the meatball -- and facing squashing, eyes tearing, tried manfully to gag it down. Other people started tasting, and more gagging ensued. Turned out I had used 2 TABLESPOONS of salt, instead of the 2 teaspoons called for. I know I burst into tears and headed for the bathroom, and I don't remember what my Mom came up with to feed the now hungry family and guests. Needless to say, most of the time now people have to add salt when I serve a meal, not the other way around.

[Jenn]

I love to cook and usually am pretty good at it. But one early adventure in making crab imperial taught me that when the receipe calls for 2 tablespoons of lemon juice, you CAN NOT substitue lemon extract in the same quantity. Even the dog wouldn't eat it.

[Jaime]

I am also just starting out on this crazy domestic thing called cooking. Its all about getting some good cookbooks, mastering a few recipes, and then pretending that you have in fact turned into Martha herself (minus the prison strips!). My fave cookbooks are: Taste of Home Celebrations (if you want one, let me know and I can order it for you through TOH Entertaining!) and the Busy WOman's Low Fat Cookbook. Good luck!

BTW---I ruined a saucepan one time because I BURNED water! Seriously!

[Mom101]

When I was in junior high my best friend and I had to undertake a Bush de Noel for French Class Xmas party. First I preheated the oven - with oven cleaner in it. Disaster. Smoke. Toxic fumes. Then I made the cake with confectioners sugar instead of granualated. Tossed it. Four hours later including one more run to the store, it was perfection. Okay, it sucked. But hey, I was only 13. Now I leave the cooking to Nate.