Motherhood Uncensored

TWO

I have two of a lot of things. Dogs, boobs, bras... (seriously, a good bra is hard to find).

Sometimes two is too many - like thongs, in-laws, and Richard Simmons exercise videos (okay, even one is a bit much for that).

But today. Two is the perfect number.

Because today means I've been a mom for 2 whole years.

Happy Birthday, Q. I love you.

   

Photography by Jeanette Chisolm

In honor of Q's birthday, free Baby Talk subscriptions for everyone. Hooray!

The Perfect Toddler

I know that you all have the perfect toddler. You know, the one that sits and plays alone for hours, eats every single veggie you give her, and then cleans up her toys before enjoying a full night of slumber in her own bed.

YEAH RIGHT. (Sounds more like the perfect husband, huh?)

Even though my daughter is on the reasonably low maintenance side of toddlerdom, I've still had my share of wall art, grocery store tantrums, and food fights. However, sometimes, it's hard not to think you're the only one with a knock-down-drag-'em-out tot.

And so asks Cynthia (a kind and brave Mom Trap reader):

Okay, I am a old mom and a new mom. I have a 10 year old and now a 2 year old. Not only is my adjustment with a gap, but my 2 year old has always been a clingy, non entertaining little man. I stayed home until he was over a year, and now he is in DayCare M, W, and Fridays...... I know, I know, you want to blame it on DayCare and separation......... Good try, but not so. He has always been this way.

It would be nice to know someone out there experiencing the same frustration to bounce ideas off of. Seems all the other mom's have these little guys that would play at the pool or in the back yard for hours while mom reads a book........ Pffffff.......... Fat chance here. I can barely drink a bottled water, I am good about not giving in, but then he starts this whining stuff. I just do not have the tolerance for this toddler stuff.

I will be 39 soon, and please tell me this gets better. I am not enjoying my time with my toddler because of his behavior.

Oh Cynthia. I mistakenly told myself that I was not a baby person. However, now that I have a toddler, I consider myself lucky if my eyes are still in their sockets by the end of the day. I'm thinking that maybe I'm an adult child person. When do they leave for college?

No seriously. Help Cynthia out, people. Let her know that she is not the only one with a crazed toddler in need of attention and support on a near constant basis. And if you have any ideas as to how to engage him and make life a little easier, leave a comment.

If you have an 'Am I the Only One," email me! I post one every Thursday and ask readers to give you a little cyber back pat. If I use it, I'll send you a free clubmom waterbottle. And if you have a really hard question, I've enlisted the help of online parenting advice guru Ask Moxie to help give you some friendly advice.

2 Going on 13

My daughter will be 2 on Friday. TWO! I made it two years with most of my hair (and way more than I care to talk about in some places) and my sanity still reasonably in tact.

But instead of basking in the moment - which is now the length of her naps - I am trying to figure out how she went from toddler to tween in the matter of 2 weeks. Seriously, I think I'm dealing with a 13 year old.

Not only is she extremely particular about what she wears, she changes outfits about 14 times. And apparently, wearing two different shoes (on the wrong feet, of course) is "in." In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I saw the Olsen twins walking around in the same thing, considering the crazy crap they wear.

Oh. And I get "shooed" out of her room at least 4 times a day. Sure, she's pooping half the time, but still. What is she doing in there that I'm not supposed to see? (Okay, I know what's she's doing and it involves many shoes and a large pile of socks).

And the attitude. I get the "No mama" already and I swear I saw an eyeroll too. Like I'm the biggest uncool idiot to walk the face of this earth and she KNOWS ALL.  Of course. She's TWO now. Du-uh.

So I've decided that instead of reading all the toddler mags, I'm making Jenn's Hip Mom and Trendy Tweens blog a daily fixture on my ever-growing blog reading list (hello, FEEDBURNER people!). She's got THREE (yes, she is Jeebus incarnate I think) children including two tween boys. So I figure, I'll get a headstart on things since it seems tweendom is nearing faster than I ever thought possible.

Before you leave to visit her, tell me what stuff your tot does that makes you think he/she is about to turn 13.

Just Call Me Pedro and Put Me Back on the Boat

I've spent the weekend in a fog. Except for brief moments of clarity offered by a bunch of rowdy toddlers at a water park and dan-dan noodles burning a hole in the left upper quadrant of my mouth, I've been sulking.

Yup. A downright pathetic bitter pity fest for myself.

Sure. I've owned up to my choice of becoming a mother, and leaving my successful career as a college professor. And while being a mostly stay-at-home-mother has afforded me great opportunities in the online realm, in the real world, I feel like a 2nd class citizen. Even in my own home.

I didn't expect to be treated like a rock star once I pushed my daughter out of my nether regions, but I didn't think my identity as the cool, smart and attractive woman would be replaced by "caretaker, housekeeper, and babysitter extraordinaire." And while I had some hand in allowing myself to be sucked into that new role, I can't seem to make any progress in changing the minds of others.

Shit. We might has well be illegal aliens. "Build a fence around your house to keep the moms in and away from us." I can practically smell the damn "minute man militia" on my ass. If you walk in anywhere other than a toy store or baby boutique with a kid on your hip, I sware they have a special button that says "watch out, crazy lunatic clueless breeder incoming." People roll their eyes at your at restaurants, department stores, and the post office - just because you have a kid. And they don't call you when they have a fun day planned, a girls night out, or a cool party. Right. The kid. I forgot.

And it's not just random people on the street. It doesn't help that "other halves" (particularly of the male species) automatically assume that if you choose to stay home, your feelings and needs are no longer important. Because your existence is for the kid. So, if he wants to go out all day and all night, or leave the house to "grab some take out" and comes back 2 hours later after a stop off at the bar or play Beer Pong for 6 hours and then sleep in because *wah* he's tired, that's just how it is. It's my job. I'm one with house. Automatically available for childcare and meals. Like a fucking diner with day care.

I'm tired of being lonely and alone, and feeling like an idiot who is worthy of nothing but managing the daily existence of a 2-year-old. Don't get me wrong. It's an honorable job - more so than anything I ever had or will ever have. However, people don't get that. For the most part, my husband doesn't get that. And I'm bitter about this perception of motherhood.

So if putting my foot down, offering my valid and wise opinions on any variety of topics, and desiring some moments of peace, quiet, and kidlessness means I'm a "bitch nazi," then so be it. Because these days, anything seems better than what the title of "mother" affords me.