I've been keeping a secret for 15 weeks.
That's hard for me to do. I'm a talker. A BIG ONE. (In case you hadn't noticed).
And for 15 weeks I've been tired, bitchy, crabby, tired, hungry, tired, anxious, nauseous, pissy, and growing.
HUGE.
I'm the size of a linebacker, towering a good 3.5 inches and 30 pounds over my husband. Dress me in green and... well, you know what you have (I can't even bring myself to say it).
The only thing I haven't been yet is excited.
Because when you've been through what I've been through (as many of you have) you just don't know when to be excited. Loss takes that from you. That ability to be giddy and joyful and full of utter exhuberance is swiped from under your feet and leaves you almost without a will for anything but worry and doubt.
But I've decided that it's not fair to anyone, especially Little Poopypants the 2nd, for me to be anything but totally and 100% excited...
...that Baby #2 is alive and kicking INSIDE me.
Still.
I am so happy for you. I am just reading this in Feb. So I am guessing by now that little bump in your belly is a big baby on the outside. So an extra super big Congratulations. I have know the fear of feeling that excitement and keeping secrets after a loss I also have know the excitement and fear after a few more losses and now am a mother of 7 soon to be 8 and now my secret keeping comes from everyones reactions to our having ANOTHER baby so I feel for you and I hope all is well with your family!
Posted by: Angela | February 03, 2007 at 10:45 PM
Congratulations. God bless your baby.
Posted by: Anna | October 14, 2006 at 04:10 PM
CONGRATS!!! Go ahead, do the happy dance.
Posted by: Shannon - PHAT Mommy | July 27, 2006 at 08:01 PM
Congratulations! I hope to someday join those ranks again. Looking forward to reading pregnancy stories.
Posted by: mrscrumley | July 26, 2006 at 06:28 AM
I said it at MU---CONGRATULATIONS!!! It is so exciting for you. Get excited girl----you have a baby inside you!!! :)
Posted by: Jaime | July 25, 2006 at 07:27 AM
Words don't do justice for the way I feel when someone like you finally hits paydirt in the "staying pregnant" department. Congratulations!
Posted by: wordgirl | July 25, 2006 at 12:56 AM
Big heartfelt congratulations, sent with all the optimism in my heart, too.
Posted by: moreena | July 24, 2006 at 11:51 PM
COngrats Kristen. I completely understand how you feel. It took me almost 30 weeks to get excited about being pregnant after losing Samantha. It's hard, but you will get through. Good luck.
Posted by: Kristina | July 24, 2006 at 11:24 PM
I mean, how did you keep the secret not how did you, you know, get pregnant.
Just wanted to clarify.
Posted by: Mary Tsao | July 24, 2006 at 09:07 PM
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
That's great news. And 15 weeks? That's a long time without letting on... How'd ya do it?
Posted by: Mary Tsao | July 24, 2006 at 09:06 PM
Oh, congrats, Kristen! I am so happy for you!
Posted by: Asha | July 24, 2006 at 08:41 PM
I just want you to reveal this on every blog. And not just the ones you write for...all of them. It just makes me happy every time.
Posted by: Mom101 | July 24, 2006 at 08:29 PM
It must have been a hard secret to keep! I am so happy for you. I know I already told you that, but seriously.
I feel all giddy and excited WITH you!
Posted by: krista | July 24, 2006 at 07:36 PM
exciting, joyful, giggly, I wish you the bestest next few months ever.
Posted by: Lia | July 24, 2006 at 05:54 PM
congrats!
Posted by: ali | July 24, 2006 at 05:13 PM
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
As someone who lost a baby (between #1 and #2), I so know how you feel...
I am sending endless good vibes your way!
Posted by: Kris H. | July 24, 2006 at 04:32 PM
WHOOOOOOOT! Keep kicking #2!
Posted by: B.J. | July 24, 2006 at 04:29 PM
i am sooooo with you on this one, of course... and all the way. now i will be giddy and joyful for you while secretly hiding my own fear and worry. i can't help it. you're in my thoughts, and i'm thrilled for you.
Posted by: Sheri | July 24, 2006 at 04:12 PM
HolyF***ingS***! Congrats! I'm astounded that you could keep the secret for so long!
Posted by: Stacy | July 24, 2006 at 04:04 PM
Congradulations again.
My aunt had three miscarriages in-between her kids. They are 10 years apart. When she was pregnant with Lottie, she wasn't excited. I think she was convinced that the baby wouldn't make it. It was a logical fear. She didn't tell anyone until she was 6 months, even though we all knew before then. She got real excited after she hit the 8 month mark. I think that's when she decided it would all be allright.
Maybe it is just time. You'll get there. But either way PoopyPants #2 will not resent you for it later in life. By the way, is that the official name for the baby? ;)
Posted by: Melissa | July 24, 2006 at 03:32 PM
Congratulations! That is wonderful.
Posted by: sunShine | July 24, 2006 at 03:02 PM
Kristen, I am thrilled for you and wishing you smooth sailing. What happy news! Thanks for letting us in on the secret.
Posted by: Melissa Wiley | July 24, 2006 at 02:56 PM
EVERY HAIR ON MY BODY IS STANDING ON END! OMG OMG OMG!
I get to see the belly this weekend. Hee hee hee!!!
Posted by: tracey | July 24, 2006 at 02:49 PM
I'm so stinkin' happy for you. :)
Posted by: mamatulip | July 24, 2006 at 12:45 PM
I have a tear in my eye as I yell out loud CONGRATULATIONS Kristen!!! This is wonderful news. I couldn't be happier for you :)
Posted by: Sunshine Scribe | July 24, 2006 at 12:45 PM
Wheee...great news...All my thoughts are with you and your little "poopy pants"....Here's to a wonderful 5 more months...yipppeeee....
Posted by: Janet | July 24, 2006 at 12:17 PM
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am literally SHRIEKING with excitement for you!!!!!
That is wonderful news. I am even more excited now to meet you and hug you and congratulate you in person. I'm so so SO happy for you.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | July 24, 2006 at 11:53 AM
As we say in the infertile blogging world (especially after a previous loss)...NBHHY. Nothing Bad Has Happened Yet.
So, I'm happy for you :) and NBHHY.
Posted by: Jenn | July 24, 2006 at 11:31 AM
Oh how I understand the "I should be happy but..." feelings. I'm having them right now, actually. I hope so much that you get to feel #2 asap. I found that, with my first, that was the biggest consolation and my worries lessened so much after that.
I'll share the "YAY"s with you though, and the fact that the "YAY" smile doesn't quite reach the eyes, as the saying goes. I'll share my prayers, too, and hopes that your New Year has a great new start to it. :)
Posted by: Kelly | July 24, 2006 at 11:08 AM