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June 09, 2006

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So sorry to hear that. The mommy guilt is incredibly tough.

My friend, Evelyn is feeling like a wrecked wretched mom this week. Her 2-year-old daughter fell, grabbed a sharp nail, and sliced off one of her fingers. They’re doing a second surgery today to see if they can reconnect the tendons. On the same day, her 4-year-old son fell and broke his arm. She’s just grateful there wasn’t another surgery to endure for him.

Oh, and btw, remember:

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

Sometimes life just stinks. But it gets better.

((((HUGS))))

Sending you and Q lots of love!

Just think of it this way: you're getting all the bad stuff that happens out of the way now so that the rest of her (and your) life goes smoothly.

Did that help a little?

Many prayers and healing thoughts! May you both heal quickly.

Back in 1998, Rachel who was 4 at the time, fell hands first into a campfire while camping with my parents. She burned the hell out of both hands and was expected to need plastic surgery as well as physical therapy to regain use of them. That was Sunday. On Thursday she went running down the hallway and slammed head first into the door frame, slicing her head and requiring 19 stitches. So, there we sat in the ER with her hands wrapped in mitten like gauze and a gaping wound on the side of her head.

And, yes, the lady in the suit from CPS did stop by and pay us a momentary visit.

Sending you lots of cyber-mom-hugs. Shit just happens man.

That totally sucks and I'm so, so sorry. It's not your fault...it TOTALLY happens. My hubby used to work for a CPS division and he said you could always tell the bad moms from the good moms within a minute...trust me you're a good mom and everyone knows it.

Be strong, kiddo.

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MAN. Add me to the list of mamas 'round the world who are sending love, sympathy & chocolate to you both. And thanks, too, for your last post. I have so been there.

OH NO! Poor little thing. and poor MOMMY!

Ok, I can't hold back. I've got a great story about Division of Family Services. The following is absolutely true:

We were looking to sell our house many years ago. At the same time, we had a new dog. To stop him from crapping in the basement, we fenced off all of the basement, so that there was only one choice for the dog, to walk down the stairs and straight out the back door.

We weren't quite ready to have people look at the house, and we hadn't even touched the basement, which was never really used, not in many, many months. But this one neighbor was a real estate agent and she kept pushing us. So one day she pushed too hard and I said, Sure, bring 'em by.

Well, it turned out that the fence wasn't enough to keep our dog from secretly crapping his brains out in the pool room in the basement. So these people left, and surprise, surprise, Family Services showed up at our door two days later. Yikes!

Fortunately, the heard the story, saw how cool and relatively clean the rest of the house was, and left us alone (although the anonymous complaint stays on file forever, Yay!)...

So, dig it, shitty things happen. We still have our kids and they're still happy and healthy and awesome.

Shit, that sucks! I agree with everyone else though, you can't beat yourself up. It sounds like everyone has a few horror stories of their own. Here's mine - J fell down half a flight of stairs and landed on our hard wood floors about a year ago. No broken bones, but I cried for days afterward. Q is going to be fine!!!

One of my daughters fell at the pool and spiral fractured her leg in three places. She had just had that cast removed when she was riding on the bottom of a shopping cart and got her hand stuck under the wheels, pulling her fingernail out of the bed. We were warned that Social Services would be called, but nothing came of it.

I'm so sorry that it happened to you. I know that she won't remember it after a few days, but you will for a long time. Have a stiff drink and something chocolate.

Maybe a large chocolate martini?

Oh no, poor little thing....you, that is, because I'm sure it's hurting you more right now than her. Life just sucks sometimes, doesn't it?

Don't beat yourself up. I always knew computer chairs were evil. You're a good mom.

My youngest broke her arm when she was two, in a hotel room in Monterey. She fell off the bed, onto a PILE OF COMFORTERS that were laying ON THE CARPET. They took me and my husband into separate rooms to question us.

Hope your baby recovers soon.

Oh Kristin, this sucks. Sending you and Q good vibes..

I am so sorry! This just su-diddly-ucks to the extreme. Poor baby and poor mama!!! Have you had her bone density checked??? maybethere is something more than just general baby klutziness in play here. I hope she heals quickly and well!

Let it go. From everything I've read since I've been reading your blog, you are a good mother, and sometimes some kids are just accident prone. Sure it happened, but it's not your fault, and you shouldn't blame yourself.

Sometimes when things happen we tend to have a lot of could've, should've, would've's - but don't beat yourself up dwelling on it. Doing so, will only get you down.

I hope she feels better soon.

oh gosh.. that sucks so badly, especially right at the beginning of summer. hang in there darlin

Kristen,

You are not your results, you are your commitments. I think it is fine to take responsibility for your actions as a parent, but you have to forgive yourself immediately. Holding on to shame and guilt is a disservice to yourself and your family. We all know that you are a wonderful, caring, attentive, earnest, dedicated, focused, effective, joyful mother. Now it is your turn to know these things, and to shed the thoughts of anything less. Own your internal beauty, as you own your external beauty.

Think of it this way: What if you weren't you, but instead were your best friend. What would you say to your best friend Kristen? Would you let her feel bad about herself? Would you let her feel guilty? No, you'd give her a hug and then kick her in the butt and tell her how awesome she is.

Hey, I'm just a guy, but I'm also a full-time parent and husband, and I know what I would say to my wife if this happened: It's not your fault, gravity sucks.

With deepest respect and humility,

Stu

Welcome to my club. The Shalebug was sitting on his bottom on my kitchen chair (which I shouldn't have allowed with out him being strapped in, but he was four for fuck sakes and I couldn't be on all the freaking time) and he toppled off and broke his elbow.

My beautiful handicapped boy with pins in his feet and a tube in his stomach, was casted from ear to fingers with a hideous cast that screamed poor parenting.

I recommend a good cry, a best girlfriend and a strong glass of wine.

And cheer up. Because at least she was on carpet. Imagine the damage if she was on the lino!

Just give CPS a link to your blog and they'll see you're a fab-u-lous momma.

I feel for you. We've almost had computer chair accidents. They should come with warning labels. I hope both you and Q heal with remarkable speed.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this! Accidents happen to everybody. Don't be too hard on yourself!

As you've told me numerous times on my blog, it's not your fault! You are a great mom and Q is lucky to have you. Here's to a speedy recovery.

Oh Kristen! I am so sorry - for both of you. Poor kiddo. She'll heal quickly.

You however...I think you need a few big cyber hugs. It's not your fault. believe me, I have two daredevil girl children. I know.

Ease up on yourself.

Oh, dude. Oh, oh, oh.

Mom-101 is right - Q will be fine. She'll feel better soon. It will be forgotten. But you, girl, you need to take a deep breath and find a way to soothe you.

I wish that I had a magic formula to offer, for making mama owwies go away.

(Want my carrot?)

Damn, sweetie, you're having a shit time and I am so sorry. Hug your baby girl (softly), eat a bag of chocolate, have a drink, and tell the world to go to hell. Because you can't take any more crap right now.

Hang in there. Big hug from me to you.

Poor Q but just as importantly...poor you. She will heal and she won't even remember it in a few months. It's you I'm worried about.

Now go write "I am not a bad mother" 100 times.

Oh Lord. I am just so sorry. It all happens in bunches. At least she wasn't in both casts at the same time, right?

I'm thinking of you both.

Shit. When it rains it pours.

No matter how you try, there's no way you'll be able to catch her every time she falls. And as many times as I say this to myself, I still feel guilty guilty guilty whenever something happens.

Hope things get better for you all. Soon.

Oh my! I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter! I hope both of you feel better soon and I hope she recovers quickly. I felt soo awful after my son fell and had to have stitches but I eventually got over it since accidents happen and there is nothing we can do about it.

Damn! I purposely slept through HS biology class and was hoping to make it through a long life never needing to know what a clavicle is :) It's scary what you learn about the human body through your children. I hope she heals fast and that you feel better about things, too.

Here's hoping for a speedy recovery. Get right back up on that computer chair!

Oh, you poor girls! That sucks.

My son has fallen off our computer chair like three times, if it makes you feel any better. He loves to climb up into it and try to make it spin around. He's never broken any bones falling out, but I did have to take him to the doctor once to make sure he didn't have a concussion after the nastiest of these falls raised a huge bump on his head.

The little boy who lives upstairs from me, who is just now five, has been to the ER like twenty times already in his lifetime. He's had stitches in three different places; he's broken a finger and his wrist, and I think he's had a couple of concussions. His mother is a very responsible parent-- AND she's a pediatric emergency nurse.

I think some kids are just very accident-prone . . .

I wonder if it might be a good idea to get her bone density checked, though, just to be on the safe side?

I had a friend growing up who broke something almost every year! Some people are just prone to accidents... not to say that your daughter is destined for such future - just wanted to say, you're not the only one. :-)

Sorry that - on top of so much other stress - you have an unhappy Q. Good luck!

Oh, sweet Jesus. I'm so sorry, Kristin. I hope she's not too uncomfortable and that she recovers quickly -- and you do, too.

oh honey. oh honey. oh my. (and there you have my articulate comment for both of your last posts.)

Stuff like this (no broken bones though, but big blood and gore) happened with both my kids. Hospital visits, overnight hopsital visits, invasive tubing, etc. I felt like I had brought them into the world only for them to suffer and I sucked. I am so sorry. You are so obviously not a sucky mom. (more articulate comfort there)

Stiff gin and tonics with pink grapefruit, lots of chocolate, good friends that think I don't suck, any form of escapism ... all appropriate at this point!

I am hoping for all of that for you and more. Everything else sounds trite. I'm just sorry. Ugh and ugh.

Oh, that is scary! But accidents do happen. My sister broke her clavicle when she was two and once she was in that brace she was unstoppable. hopefully it won't bother Q much either.

hope you both feel better.

Poor things----you and Q!!!

I broke my wrist 3 times before I was 5 years old. The last time we were in the hospital, Social Services interviewed my parents!!! Seriously! I was totally accident prone and broke my wrist doing stupid things (like tripping over the 1/4 inch lip on the end of the driveway!).

Now go get yourself a strong drink and relax----you are a good mom and Q loves you and all will be better soon!

Oh noooooooo, no! Kristen, I am so sorry to hear this. Huge hug to you both. I know this much: Some kids are accident-prone. Urm, as my mother would tell you...

Hugs and kisses to both of you. You'll both heal nicely...and quickly.

Feel better, Kristen. :)

K, if I had the FF miles, I'd be there today with a whole posse to liberally give out hugs, alcohol, and chocolate to you and Q. Well, maybe Q should abstain from the alcohol.

I hope you both got some sleep last night.

Oh geez...I hope her recovery is swift. Hang in there Mom.

Aw man. What a crappy thing to have happen! Poor thing. My friend spent an entire year in a body cast when he was a baby. He fell down the stairs. It's so hard to see little ones hurt like that.

Hope she isn't in too much pain, and that the recovery is speedy.

Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh. I'm so sorry... and you are right, you can't make this up. Someday, far, far in the future, this will all make for a good laugh but I know it is frustrating, heartbreaking, etc. now. Hang in there!

Oh poor things, you and your daughter both! I hope you all feel better soon. I know it's hard not to feel guilty but you are a great mom! And you know, I've heard that the clavicle is one of the easiest bones to break so it happens A LOT. I have a friend who's broken his several times. The first time I think he fell off his bike, or ran it into a parked car (something stupid) not even going very fast.

Oh No!!! I am so sorry!! Poor Girl! I hope she recovers quickly and you get some rest!

I'm so sorry, Kristen...why do these things happen all in a bunch? Wishing your daughter a smooth recovery, and you...peace.

I'm so sorry to hear the news. Wishing Q a quick recovery and wishing you a restful break somehow. Is it possible to find someone to watch her for an afternoon while you rest or read or relax? Hang in there!

P.S. Your sites are great!

Aw geez, maybe Q needs the "I do all my own stunts" t-shirt more than Cordelia does? We can ship it over to you.

That really sucks, but it's not your fault. Accidents happen, and Q just seems to find the most damaging ways to fall. Aaron has offered to come teach her proper stunt work so she can learn to fall without hurting herself.

Oh, man. dear *god* but you need that Stoli. and a huge, fucking hug.

maybe a deep-fried Snickers bar?

My son had two big accidents last week (fractured nose and 5 staples in his head two days after the nose accident). I felt for sure DSS would be calling...

One commonality in both injuries; both times he was in a father's care. I'm just sayin'.....

Oh dear god. It is one thing after another. I hope she recovers quickly and I hope you recover fully.

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