The Dry Spell
There's been a little dry spell here at The Mom Trap household.
Yes. You know what I'm talking about.
And while many of you might be jumping for joy at the prospect of a libido-less husband-type, I happen to enjoy the sex. The good kind. The kind involving some level of foreplay, sweat, and me looking like Diane Lane in Unfaithful (yeah, it was just on. She's HOT!).
Basically, lady sex.
I think the husband does it on purpose, because the longer we go without the sex, the less picky he thinks I'm going to be. Because we all know, a tired, frustrated mom with a cranky, anti-sleep 2 year old just wants a good 2-minute bangola after a long hard day of mothering.
Ha.
Because we feel so sexy swiffering leftover diaper crumbs from the dog's trashdiving fest, wiping poop off a tiny bum, and washing way too many pairs of wet underpants that there would be no need for any type of say "prelude to the big bang."
Hahahahahahahaha.
Yeah. I thought you'd agree with me. So, what's a girl to do? Well apparently, my subconscious has taken over, and I've been having the rockingest sex dreams since I don't even know when. And seriously, who doesn't love a hot sex dream? You wake up feeling oddly satisfied, and even better, you got to have sex with someone other than your spousal unit. Weeehooo for no-guilt cheating.
The only problem with this whole dream thing is that sometimes my brain picks extremely questionable sex partners. I had a grand old time with a 62 year old Sean Connery, and an even better time with Jimmy Fallon. However, I felt kind of icky when I woke up as opposed to the "Ah, I need a ciggy" kind of feeling.
Well last night, I think I dug as deep as I could get with my bizarre sex dream man choices.
Yes. That is Billy Warlock, of Baywatch fame. And no I don't watch him on a soap that he is apparently on.
But however he got in my dreams, I don't care.
Because Billy. It was hot.
And I thank you.
So spill it. Who's been your hottest "dream sex" man?
One of my hottest dreams was an encounter with Ewan McGregor - in his role as Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Posted by: Shannon - PHAT Mommy | July 01, 2006 at 03:43 PM
Vince Vaughn Baby. Vince Vaughn.
Posted by: tracey | June 29, 2006 at 03:47 PM
Oh man I cannot even look at Owen Wilson IRL without having to cross my legs- he was great!
Posted by: Sam | June 28, 2006 at 11:43 PM
First, there is no chance you're pregnant is there?
Second, ummm . . .I can't remember that last time I had one of those (sad).
Posted by: carrie | June 28, 2006 at 03:27 AM
David Letterman. What can I say? There's nothing to say, really. Must be that "mature sex" talking.
Posted by: GraceD | June 27, 2006 at 02:12 AM
Please ask Melissa if I can borrow Warrick from CSI, because damn.
My hottest sex dreams are usually guys that look vaguely familiar from college, but the best one ever was about the guy who plays Connor on "Angel". HOT.
Posted by: Elizabeth | June 26, 2006 at 07:45 PM
Jon Stewart. It was HOT. For real.
Posted by: Mom101 | June 26, 2006 at 04:12 PM
I've had a recurrent very hot sexual dream involving Chris Martin from Coldplay. I'm currently reliving it in my head right now (hehe)
I also lust after Warrick from CSI...droool
Posted by: Karla | June 26, 2006 at 04:05 PM
Is should really say my husband, cause he is hot.... but Warrick from CSI.
I am a little scared by your Sean Connery one. The worst one I had (althought strangely it was still good) was with Jaleel WHite, sressed as Urkel. But that was a long time ago.
And girl, I feel for you. That sucks about your husband.
Posted by: Melissa | June 26, 2006 at 03:12 PM
George Clooney has been very good to me and so has that guy who plays Sonny on General Hospital....and whoever mentioned one of the Wiggles- that is one of my fears, to have a Wiggle my dreams (the hot dreams to be specific!)
Posted by: Nikki | June 26, 2006 at 02:31 PM
The most recent one I've had that I can remember was last night. With Sean Bean, of all people (Boromir from Lord of the Rings). I have a thing for buff men in armor and a big....sword. ;)
Posted by: Maddmomma | June 26, 2006 at 02:14 PM
I very rarely have sex dreams. But I can't say who they're about.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | June 26, 2006 at 12:09 PM
Dean Kane is very, very good in my dreams (not so into him when I am awake). But my good friend used to have hot sex dreams about GREG WIGGLE that would totally freak her out. Funny.
Posted by: sunshine Scribe | June 26, 2006 at 11:17 AM
When I was pregnant is when I had my most outrageous sex dreams... but, instead of getting busy with Hugh Grant or George Clooney, I had very explicit encounters with Tim Allen and Craig T. Nelson.
Yes, apparently, middle age 90's sitcom stars are my psyche's idea of a good time.
Posted by: Kristin | June 26, 2006 at 10:23 AM
It's a secret... I'm afraid if I say it outloud he'll stop coming around.
Posted by: krista | June 26, 2006 at 09:10 AM
If you were really posting this at 5 a.m., it must've been a great dream. Since unbeknowst to you we're on a soap-opera roll, I've been known to go a round or two with Ingo Rademacher. He alone is enough reason to watch soaps. Truly. Although my children are well-aware that Steve Burton is going to be my next husband. Hey, I'm not picky. (and yes, googling them for a peek? your efforts will be well rewarded)
Posted by: Kvetch | June 26, 2006 at 08:34 AM