Sleep, Where for Art Thou?

Okay. So a good blogging friend of mine recently wrote about how she's somewhat over the co-not-sleeping that has taken over her household. And while most people were supportive, there were a few folks that made ridiculous comments like "Get over it. You have a kid. You don't get sleep. Suck it up. Crying it out is a sin."

Dude. What is up with that? I mean we all know that when you have a kid, sleep is fleeting. I don't care how great a sleeper you have, there was still one moment in your early parenting days that you didn't get sleep. And it sucks.

I'll say it again. IT SUCKS. Personally, I hate it. Sleep has been my arch nemesis since the day my daughter was born. I was up laboring with her from 5pm til 9am the next morning and after I had her what did I do? I called all my friends and didn't sleep. Foreshadowing. I swear it.

She's the child who hates sleep. She would nap only with massive rocking, strolling, driving, vibrating, and boob-sucking. Crying it out was like pulling your own hair out with pliers for 2 hours. And so, we just did what we could to get her to sleep.

We have bouts of bad days and weeks, where she naps fine, but then wakes up every 3-4 hours and needs someone to sleep in her room, or get up and tap her back to sleep. And then she'll sleep the whole night through without a peep.

But lately. It's bad. And I blame it on the new toddler bed.

BITCH.

That damn thing ruined EVERYTHING. And I'm not really sure what prompted us to get it. Oh wait. That's right. She broke her leg climbing out of the crib. Hehe.

So, we finally relented and got this bed, thinking that we could let her "whine it out" when she woke up at 2am asking for me. Heck. We are in the room right next to her with the door wide open. With her still in the crib after the crib-diving-bone-breaking incident, we never wanted to let her cry it out in there because I would pull out my own eye ball if she climbed out again (oh, and human services would probably drag me away for an extensive evaluation).

We probably should have waited until AFTER this recent broken bone healed, but why do something smart like that? Instead, we bought her this bed, which she loves, however her naps are now down from 2 hours to 30 minutes, and at night - she still needs me in there. We tried to let her cry one night and it got so bad that I thought it not wise for me to allow her to continue her wretching cries.

And so here we sit. I'm exhausted and frustrated. And sleep. IT TAUNTS ME.

So what do you think? Should I make her go back to bed after her 30 minute "snooze" nap? Should we let her sleep in our room (in HER bed) - that seems to help the separation anxiety thing (which started happening after this most recent break... before then, she was sleeping like a dream in her crib in her room - with me only having to call to her that I was there... no getting up or anything). Should we go back to the crib? WHAT???

Comments

[Iffer]

I can relate so easily. My daughter needs to have someone near by when she goes to sleep. The crying out does not work with her, she gets herself to worked up and it is not worth it.

When she was moved to a toddler bed we made sure that she knew that she needed to stay in the bed and not get out. At first we had to stay in the room beside her until she fell asleep. Then we started moving our sitting position closer to the door each night. Now we are able to put her down and sit in the hallway while she goes to sleep. She is still able to see us and make sure we're still there.

This also worked at night for us when she would wake up needing her blanket put back on her. Keep on track with the toddler bed. It will get better and you won't have to do the switch again.

[chris]

Can you stick the crib mattress on the floor next to your bed and let her get up and come to it on her own without waking you?

After 7 kids, I don't care where anyone sleeps as long as *I* sleep ;-)

[carrie]

As you know, I have no tricks up my sleeve for putting a toddler to bed in a "big girl bed". However, once Katie is in there, she usually stays put. I know the dilemmma though, we had to move our 1st to a toddler bed to make way for his brother (who needed the crib), at 19 months, and Katie at 20 months because she's a monkey. I used the door knob child-proof thingys w/ my 1st only for a little while, and they kept him in his room (although he'd often fall asleep on the floor and then I'd have to move him).

As for the napping, we've pretty much been eliminating those, except for the occasional few here and there. None of my kids did much napping after 2 (but I am envious of everyone out there whose children nap forever). They sleep a solid 11-13 hours at night instead! Good luck.

[Becki]

What Jennifer said. Keep putting her back in her big girl bed. By the time she is in middle school she will definitely get the hint.

I am a screaming, four-door, brass-plated, radioactive beeyotch if I don't get enough sleep. I may be too lax with my kids in some ways, but I am definitely the sleep police. It's in all our best interests.

[Lia]

yeah, I'm with you on this already - 7 nights full sleep since birth and I swear wrinkles are rushing in around my eyes. No clear cut answers and I don't belive there are angel babies who sleep through every night of the week out there.

[krista]

Hey, I just posted about this too. Selfishly, I am glad you posted about this so I can read all the comments you get. Maybe it will help me figure out what the hell to do also.

So, obviously I have no advice to share. I am inclined to think she'll just want you with her in the beginning and evenutally want to sleep in there without you- but then- my sleep situation is really crappy too, so advice from me is not helpful at all.

[owlhaven]

I cosleep with my infants. But by the time they are 2 or so, often they just need you to replace them in their beds over and over as long as it takes until they get the idea bed is the only option.

If they seem truly fearful, I will lie next to the awhile to setle them down, then say I need to go put some laundry in or go to the bathroom for a minute. I stay gone a few minutes, then come back to check, then do another little thing that takes me out for a few minutes. of course I keep my ear open and replace them in bed instantly as needed. Gradually they get used to me being out. Take determination and a few nights of replacing them overandoverandover. But it is worth it
Mary, mom to 8

[laura]

I'm a bit of a dictator about naps - since my daughter's been down to a single nap a day, if it's not at least 90 minutes, it's not a proper nap. So, in your shoes, I'd put her back to bed, but I don't assume that would be easy.

My daughter is still happy in her crib, but has only once sleep straight from midnight - 5 am, so we have issues of our own to resolve ...

[mothergoosemouse]

Tacy's sleep habits changed when we moved her out of the crib too. I think that's inevitable.

I wouldn't go back to the crib. Other than that, I can't really offer advice because sleep still taunts me. I need to go get another cup of coffee.

[Maddmomma]

I'm a big fan of the Super Nanny method. If she gets up after you've put her to bed, but her back to bed with no discussion or interaction. Ignore requests for water, a story, cuddle time, and so on. If she starts crying but doesn't get out of bed, go check on her after five minutes. Wait ten minutes and check again, wait twenty minutes and check again, and so on. This is with the eventual goal of making her understand that that is where she sleeps at night, end of story, and the fun game of "magical beds" that she's been having you play every night is over. It will be rough for a few days until she gets used to it. Just stick to your guns.

[samantha]

I am a softie about the whole sleep thing, I say move her bed in your room if it makes her sleep longer. Anything to get a good nights sleep!

[Jennifer]

Speaking as a parent who has BTDT, do not go back to the crib. It is a nightmare. Just keep putting her back in her "big girl bed" SuperNanny style. No discussion. No screaming. No blaming yourself for her getting up. She's 2. She's gonna do it as long as she feels like she's getting a reaction. And, in the middle of the night, if she gets up, return her to her bed and leave. It sounds harsh (and it is, but we did it and so far our daughter is not a mass murderer). If need be, put up a baby gate at her door (or two so she won't climb over and break something else on her body), and keep her in her room. Good luck! And about nap time, sometimes our nap time is 30 minutes, sometimes it's 3 hrs. so it's going to go through phases.