I didn't really get the concept of childproofing. I figured that my daughter seemed pretty content buckled into her Fisher Price vibrating bouncy crack chair, so why bother with all the electrical plugs stoppers, baby gates, and annoying cabinet hooks? Even when she was crawling, the whole safety thing didn't seem to be that big of an issue. I moved stuff out of the way, shoved it in a cabinet, and she was as happy as a pig in a pen of Chinese sweatshop-made toys.
But it seems that as of exactly 5.4 days ago (and yes, I have been counting), nothing is out of reach for her.
And so I ask myself, what the hell happened that all of a sudden the world is her oyster, particularly my bra drawer, the cabinet under the sink that happens to have a hooky thing on it, and the dog food container (that has a tightly shut lid)?
There was a time, even just 2 weeks ago, where I could flip on Sesame Street, enjoy a peaceful rendezvous with the porcelain goddess, and all would be fine and well with my world. But a few days ago, I walk out to find an art gallery of "scribble pencil on wall" along with 14,000 pieces of shredded computer paper strewn in a hypnotic circle-in-the-fields type pattern on my recently vacuumed carpet.
And then, just yesterday I was folding laundry in my bedroom and she walks in from a brief excursion to the kitchen bearing gifts of spray carpet cleaner, 2 plastic bags, and all of the contents from my wallet in her purse. And I'm pretty sure I found 2 screws and a washer in one of the plastic bags.
It seems that nothing, including my dirty green underwear that she decided looked pretty nice as a sash, is off limits anymore. Nothing is sacred, and everything is a toy, drawing instrument, or weapon of massive destruction.
Lest you think we are the most careless individuals on this side of the Mississippi (oh wait, we are IN Mississippi so I'm not sure where that puts us), we are generally very careful about putting stuff away. And in fact, everything that she finds, she has to open, climb to, or UNLOCK something in order to get it.
So, we've decided not to take anymore risks, and train her good and right.
Hey. At least I won't have to worry about any broken bones.