I've been struggling for the last 20 some odd months with transitioning from woman to mother - and finding the balance between the two. Quite frankly, I dumped way too much of myself out with my 4-day old breastmilk and didn't think I'd ever really have a life outside my daughter.
I didn't intend for that to happen. I was that well-intentioned sassy preggo that vowed never to talk a friend's ear off about her cute kid, still wear the cute shoes and purse combo, and make time for herself in one form or another. But then my daughter came, and through no fault of my own I got sucked into her little vacuum.
It wasn't until I realized that after she was sleeping in a horizontal flat position for naps, and enjoying more than just my boob for her daily nourishment, I had absolutely nothing to call my own. And I was pissed. I wanted it all - a life for my daughter and a life for myself. But, trying to survive a challenging baby in a place that just didn't offer much refuge for a reasonably cultured individual didn't offer many options.
I've since added several hobbies, er, blogging and blogging, as well as a few more babysitting hours, shopping trips, and gulp, a gym membership. And slowly, I feel as though I'm emerging from that scary dark place I hid for awhile, and I'm becoming a mom and woman that I'd be proud to know.
So, when do we get to have it all as mothers and women? And what is that, really, that infamous ALL we all (at one level or another) strive for in our daily lives? Check out my essay at The Whole Mom and let me know what you think.
Blogging, writing, and my online life and community has been instrumental in helping me re-capture some of my old self. Although it's really my new self since what I primarily write about now is related to me being a mother.
I believe it's important for mothers to realize they can't have it all, but that they definitely do need something going on in their life besides kids and mothering. For that reason, I'm constantly encouraging new moms to start blogging.
Oh, and a part-time nanny or babysitter helps me feel that there's some me left in the ol' mommy, too. ;)
Posted by: Mary Tsao | May 30, 2006 at 10:55 PM
Sorry for the double post. I get a little click-happy sometimes.
Posted by: mama_tulip | May 30, 2006 at 08:19 PM
I think it goes up and down. Some days I feel like I really have the time to focus on me and other days it's all Mommy, all the time. I think it'll always be like that, to an extent.
Posted by: mama_tulip | May 30, 2006 at 08:18 PM
I think it goes up and down. Some days I feel like I really have the time to focus on me and other days it's all Mommy, all the time. I think it'll always be like that, to an extent.
Posted by: mama_tulip | May 30, 2006 at 08:16 PM
I struggle with this and my kids are 14 and 11. Balance is the key - if one can find it. I am working on it - but sometimes life gets in the way and I backslide and have to start from scratch. I figure I'll have it all under control by the time I'm a grandma!
Posted by: Kvetch | May 30, 2006 at 04:03 PM
What Izzy said -- I think our definition of "having it all" shifts when we have kids... I think it will continually shift, as well. It's a learning experience, that's for sure!
Posted by: Nancy | May 30, 2006 at 01:57 PM
As someone who is at 95% Mom time and 2% me time (the other 3% is somewhere between me and my husband) I agree it's time we redefined "having it all".
I often err on the side of letting my personal needs/wants slip until I suddenly realize I've been depressed for over a week. What's worse, is the impling is not getting the bestest, nicest Mom she could if I just had the chance to get away and BREATHE, and try and remember who I am.
Nap time is now my friend. I get to blog, and see that there is actually some vestige of my old pre-mommy self still in existence.
Until we get through residency, I'll just have to lower the bar for "having it all". And eat lots of chocolate.
Posted by: Paula | May 30, 2006 at 12:55 PM
I still struggle with these issues and my son is seven. It's always a balancing act between his needs and mine. Sometimes it's a lot easier than others.
Posted by: Janeen | May 30, 2006 at 11:01 AM
It's been my observation that we don't really ever get to "have it all" in the popular sense. We just shift our definition of what "having it all" means.
Posted by: Izzy | May 30, 2006 at 09:32 AM