If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time (like 2 seconds even) you’ll realize that I live in Mississippi, and I really really love it. I mean, who doesn’t love the driving 25 in a 55 zone behind a carful of teenagers, the sweet smell of sweat and urine at the local Sunflower (think a poor excuse for a Piggly Wiggly) and being called “maam” at least four times a day. Simply marvelous, right?
All kidding aside, the South does get a pretty bad rap, especially here at MU, so I thought in honor of Mother’s Day and my participation in the corresponding celebratory Bloggect, I’d point out the brilliant mothering techniques exhibited by certain mothers of the South.
Ingenuity: Why the hell did I spend 52.7 hours trying to figure out all possible nasty playground derivations of my kid’s moniker? What I should have done was just choose one of the crazy names as HER actual name and pretend like it was really cool – like Hays, Wells, Briggs, Sims, and Buchanan (a girl).
Compromise: Instead of going to battle with my kid about eating their veggies and candy bars, I should just deep fry them. It seems to work well around here.
Creativity: Kids speak really early down here. I just met a 5 month old that can say “Bye-bye.” Granted, it sounds like “bah-bah” to me, but thanks to the sweetass Southern accent, the kid is a genius.
Safety: Considering how ugly bright shirts and identification bands are, I’m thinking that the large hair bow the size of my daughter’s head coupled with a matching polka-dot trapeze pillowcase pinafore (I shit you not) is a great way for me to keep an eye on her in the crowd.
Diversity: Other than a few Latino and Asian business owners, diversity is hard to come by. But not for the mothers in my mommy-n-me music class who said they were venturing away from their Baptist church to *gasp* visit the Methodists. Way to cross the line, ladies.
Unity: Just when you thought the mommy wars were peaking, I overheard a few Southern moms discussing the “horrible and terrible” southern accent of American Idol contestant Kellie Pickler. At first, I was confused. But, then I got it – moms banding together. Makes perfect sense.
So, Happy Mother’s Day my Southern moms of My Town, Mississippi. No matter how annoying you are, I must admit, you have a way of making me look like shining star. And for that, I thank you. Yes maam I do.