You don't really know me. I mean, for whatever reason, you read my blog. Maybe it's regularly. Or maybe you just stopped by here on your way to somewhere else. You can tell a little bit about me from my picture, my funny quips, and my well meant diatribes. And, you know I'm a mom. But, I used to be someone else.
I finished my master's degree in a year, wrote a 150 page thesis in a week, and finished 2 textbooks in 2 years. I started an undergraduate program in 2 months, taught 9 classes a week, and presented at numerous conferences. I published 4 scholarly articles and revised a well-known music therapy text. I worked with kids with disabilities, people with mental illnesses, and folks with traumatic brain injuries. And, I was good at it. All of it.
But I gave it up when my daughter arrived. Instantly.
And I quit working with clients/patients and teaching (for the most part). I could barely even bring myself to say the words "music therapy." Even though I spent almost 15 years of my life helping people and students in need, I could barely bring myself to sing one more song or teach one more class for them.
But when I gave up my work, I felt like I lost a part of me. Okay. Almost all of me. Because work was my life.
And now I'm a mom and I blog. And that's how you know me. And you didn't know about all that great stuff I did nor did you really even care. You just read me because you liked what I said and that was really all you needed to know.
So, I miss my work. And quite frankly, I miss feeling important and smart everyday. I just don't get that being a mom these days.
But all that praise was for what I did and not who I was. And when all of that was gone, I felt like I had nothing. That I was nothing.
So I wonder if I had never stopped working if I would have ever found blogging. And if I had never found blogging, I wonder how long it would have taken me to find myself. And while you would have never known the difference with one less blog on your bloglines or blogroll, I would have.
Because for the first time ever, I have work and I have me - What I do and who I am. And I like both. Separately.
So for whatever reason you stop by my place, or decide that you like my stuff want to read more, it feels good to be liked and read for ME and not WHAT I DO. Because what I write (if you haven't figured that out yet) is really me. And all that other crap doesn't make me the Motherhood Uncensored that you've come to know.
And I like that. A lot.