We have reached the exciting world of full-term toddlerdom at the MU household. Temper tantrums, a new found independence, and dissention abound. While I’m glad to not be bouncing a cranky 8-month old on one shoulder while singing “My Bonnie” at 3am, the world of the toddler is a force with which to be reckoned.
Of particular enjoyment is the new chatty Kathy that has moved in. As you might have guessed, I love me some talking. I can talk a dress off a church lady. And it seems that my daughter has taken up this same passion. But, unfortunately, about 82.6% of time, I have absolutely no idea what she is saying, and it’s getting a bit taxing on my brain.
At 20-months, I think my daughter has a decent vocabulary. She’ll copy whatever we say *ahem* and then use it at appropriate times. And while I’m excited that she masterfully uses the words “moneys” “bad babies” and “hopper” (grasshopper) quite well, I’m thinking that perhaps a simple “poopies mama” or even “I’m sitting in a big honking crap” would be a better use of her language skills.
I get green with envy when I visit Lucinda’s place – as her nearly 2-year daughter is practically reciting the Gettysburg address (okay, her actual birthdate and twinkle twinkle, but that’s pretty damn good) – and mine? She is repeating the word “ICKIES” about 25 times until we figure out that she wants her STICKERS and all is well again with the world.
Granted my daughter can do a 25-piece puzzle with her eyes closed, but sometimes it gets really frustrating. Take for example the escalating cries for a dance.
Ance? Ance? ANCE? ANCE? ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCEEE?
Look. No matter how loud and emphatic you try to say “dance” - if it’s in French, German, or Toddlerspeak for that matter, it won’t help me get it any better. We even do the "I-have-no-idea-what-you-are-saying-but-I'll-pretend-like-I-do-anyway" nod. Also "Good job, that's right" works pretty well.
Then we do the guilty parents charade game where we try to get them to say it (like that ever helps).
Babytoy. One word. Two syllables. Sounds like?
Or maybe just a good game of 20 questions.
Can you show me what it is? Is it big or small? Is it something to eat? Does it talk? Walk? Sing? Is it in this house? Is it even real?
On the really, really bad days, it’s like playing Mad Gabs. Ever heard of that game? It’s one of those adult party games that either you have to play very sober or very drunk – and either way, by the end of the it, you want to eat your own arm off.
Basically, you get a bunch of unrelated words that when said actually sound like another word or phrase. You read it to your team until they guess it. Simply put, it’s HELL IN A BOX.
Ask Rude Arrive Her. Ask Rude Arrive Her. Ask Rude Arrive Her (repeat about 40 times with various voice inflections).
By the time you figure out it’s "A SCREWDRIVER", you want to beat the person with the game box.
Our version is slightly less fun. Even the most competitive annoying drunk idiot is more entertaining than a screaming toddler.
Neekus. NEEKUS? Nnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeekus. neeKUS. NEEkus. OH SNEAKERS? Right right sneakers. Of course. Who doesn't want to kiss their sneakers goodnight before bed. Totally logical. Thanks for that.
So, that is our daily routine in a nutshell. And I’m better at it than my husband. You can hear the poor guy in the other room trying to appease the savage toddler talker.
At? Do you mean Hat? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Do you mean Pat? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Do you mean Cat? UH-HUH. Sounds like a really fucked up Dr. Suess book.
I know this is very typical and I’m trying very hard to suppress my need to consult a speech therapist. And while it is pretty damn frustrating, it is kind of funny. Let’s face it. For all we know, she could be cursing us out right in front of our faces, and all we think is that she really really wants her [d]"uck."
*The first stop on the Tour was teething. Read it here.
**For a spin off on the False Advertising of Motherhood, click here. Awesome.
One way to turn the frustration into something mood-elevating is to take the discovered object (like sneakers) and hold them (or point to them or touch them) and pronounce the word slowly, in her face, so she can see your lips, teeth, and tongue. This helps her learn to enunciate and makes you feel good about teaching her something. Can I get a "Yay, Team!"...
Posted by: Stu Mark | April 04, 2006 at 12:50 PM
Seriously, this is the funniest post I have EVER read!
When my daughter is not understood...she becomes so frustrated and has started smashing her nose against mine whilst saying the misunderstood word VERY EMPHATICALLY!!
Oh the joy!
:)
Posted by: Bobita | April 01, 2006 at 11:41 PM
MM~ The bird??? LOL. That is some pretty good fine mother skills!!!
Posted by: Kristen | March 31, 2006 at 07:46 AM
Something may be wrong with me, but I'm thinking that Mad Gabs game sounds kind of fun.
Sigh. Of course, my girls are not toddlers anymore, so maybe I'm just craving some insanity-inducing activity.
Posted by: sweatpantsmom | March 31, 2006 at 04:01 AM
I'm still playing the "Good job, that's right" game with my nephew who just turned four. Why? Because, not only is his pronounciation not always clear, he speaks Spanish and English, together and interchangeably. And here me, being the one in our family with the least amount of Spanish, trying to decipher whether the garbled word he just spoke was Spanish or English, let alone what the word was, it's just a lost cause. So I do a lot of nodding and saying, "Really? Wow."
Posted by: the weirdgirl | March 31, 2006 at 02:23 AM
My son can't talk yet (he's 9 mos), but I am trying to teach him sign language. We've been working on it for a few months, but so far the only sign he's made is when he flipped me the bird once. He really did. I have the photo on my blog to prove it. No doctoring necessary :)
Posted by: Mama Mia | March 31, 2006 at 01:48 AM
Oh my god. Thank you for making it sound so funny. I'm laughing WITH you, I swear. Especially since I don't even know what I have in store. You make it seem a lot more manageable.
Posted by: TB | March 30, 2006 at 08:35 PM
My baby may be singing Twinkle Twinkle, but she also still says "cock" for truck, ya know. All the time. Yesterday, it was "Red cock. Brown cock. Black cock. White cock." Oooookay then.
Posted by: Lucinda | March 30, 2006 at 08:30 PM
We do ASL as well... Although some of the signs require a great deal of fine motor skills.
Kristen ~ I'm sure the ST will help - although receptive language does come way quicker than the expressive.
(I've worked extensively with speech therapists and with kids with speech difficulties).
Posted by: Kristen | March 30, 2006 at 05:26 PM
Aiden is just starting to talk, so thanks for the heads up! We are also teaching him sign language because I read that it reduces the temper tantrum stage. The link that Fidget was referring to is the Michigan State University American Sign Language Browser: http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm
Posted by: Crissy | March 30, 2006 at 05:18 PM
Had to comment. Jake (21 months) has 4-5 words: "joos" (anything to drink/eat; can also mean shoes), "ki" (kitty, Petey our dog, or keys), and "whoa" and "owie". Nothing else except grunts. From this I am supposed to figure out what he wants?
He had an appointment with a speech therapist today where we discovered that he is at 21 months for understanding, 23 months for problem solving/following directions, and 14 months for verbal speech. *sigh* Speech therapy here we come.
Posted by: Kristen | March 30, 2006 at 04:48 PM
lol! I just blogged about this yesterday!!! I said I needed a toddler interpretor!!
Posted by: chelle | March 30, 2006 at 04:42 PM
Brilliant. But scary. I keep waiting for someone to tell me it all mellows out and becomes cruisy very soon...and that's not happening. I guess I'd rather be prepared than startled. gah.
Posted by: Kristin | March 30, 2006 at 03:20 PM
Obviously "neekus" means "sneakers"! If you lived in New England you would know that. LOL
Posted by: Mrs. Chicky | March 30, 2006 at 02:38 PM
Hilarious.
That game Mad Gabs. It does sound like Hell in A Box. Ask Rude Arrive Her = Screwdriver = crazy irritated game participant.
Posted by: krista | March 30, 2006 at 01:43 PM
Rosie's clearly been trying to expand her vocabulary, but everything sounds the same to me. It's all "doh" or "dah" or "ba". She was counting the other day -- definitely seemed to get the idea of counting to 5 based on the way she was handling the markers she had -- but all the numbers sounded the same except "five" which had the "i" sound instead of the "ah" sound.
She has zero patience so I am interested so see how it goes when she realizes we're not getting what she's trying to say.
p.s. -- who needs the baby whisperer? what about a baby interpreter?!
Posted by: Nancy | March 30, 2006 at 01:30 PM
This reminds me of a story my mom used to love telling me about how she nearly committed herself trying to figure out what I was desperately trying to tell her I wanted. I kept saying "Stashinater" to her and she couldn't figure out what the fuck a Stashinater was. She finally somehow figured out that it was a toy and she eventually took me to Sears so I could walk up and down the aisles and point out what a Stashinator was.
It was an Etch-a-Sketch.
Posted by: mama_tulip | March 30, 2006 at 01:17 PM
I used to spend a lot of time with a bilingual little girl. Sorting out her toddler English was hard enough, but toddler Spanish in addition? Ha! I have NO earthly idea how her parents did it.
(Thanks for the shout-out, by the way!)
Posted by: Noelle | March 30, 2006 at 01:04 PM
I guess it is better than understanding your 2 year old going around the house saying stupid and shut up.
I swear I let those slip exactly TWICE and now I'm stuck with it!
Posted by: Mega Mom | March 30, 2006 at 12:56 PM
Anxiously awaiting those days. Or, should say, *was* anxiously awaiting those days. Now they sound like a bad post-grad seminar in Post-Structural Readings of Dr. Seuss gone terribly, drunkenly wrong. I quake in my sensible shoes.
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | March 30, 2006 at 12:49 PM
It actually sounds like fun. For someone who can come in for an hour and then leave. :-) I hate that game - mad gabs.
Posted by: mrsfortune | March 30, 2006 at 12:38 PM
We still go through this a bit at our house and the boy is almost 4! There were many temper tantrums in our house a year or so ago.... And they weren't just the boys!
And Christina is right, it IS like living with a baby Bob Dylan! Heehee.
Posted by: Lisa B | March 30, 2006 at 12:28 PM
I am laughing so hard right now that I am snorting very expensive trendy bottled water from the hotel minibar out my nose. I always thought that all parents understood their own kids, and that I was just an idiot who looked at my friends' toddlers and thought they were speaking Martian to me. Thanks for the clarification!
Posted by: Mom101 | March 30, 2006 at 12:27 PM
Enjoy these days. Because soon you will wish they didn't speak with such clarity. Usually it is when they say the F-word in front of grandma or perhaps, when they repeat grandpa's favorite saying in a room full of strangers: "Be quiet or I'll put my boot up your ass." Words that every proud mother of a three year old wants to hear...
Posted by: redneck mommy | March 30, 2006 at 12:23 PM
SIGN LANGUAGE is a BLESSING! A Blessing I say! You teach them the sign in conjunction with teh word - they do the 2 together - you have some earthly clue what they are saying. We taught mira the basicas like drink, eat, sleep, dirty, hurt - oh hurt was a BIG one, it helped her to stop hitting us, and for fun we taught her the animals as well as a few other things. It greatly reduced the tim e spent playing charades. I lost the link but there is a website that has quick time videos of each sign so you can SEE how to do it verses looking at a book and figuring out what the 50 different arrows mean
Posted by: fidget | March 30, 2006 at 10:33 AM
yeah, my son was the same at that age. his little friend (2 months younger, mind) could declare "that was delicious, mommy" while my boy emitted primeval grunts. i am pleased to say, that at 3.5 he can now recite not the gettysburg address, but at least the lyrics to the beatles "come together."
Posted by: joy | March 30, 2006 at 10:28 AM
I'm feeling ya, Kristen. It's semi-comical trying to decipher what our 17-month old daughter is saying most of the time. The funny thing is when she's just babbling and then all of sudden will say something random in a perfectly clear intonation. The other day, she was muttering jibberish and then, all of sudden, turned to me and said, "See you later!" and walked away. I thought she'd been possessed!
Posted by: MetroDad | March 30, 2006 at 09:43 AM
I miss those days! No really, I do. The cute little baby voice. I had a tape of daughter but it got lost in a move.
Good thing I have her on some VHS tapes.
And now that I've made myself feel really old...
Posted by: kissmequikly | March 30, 2006 at 09:35 AM
Yes all good sneakers do deserve a goodnight kiss. lol
As my daughter is a bit older, I now use this language game for a source of entertainment. I have her tell my friends "Daddy has a big truck."
Oh yes, the T pronunciation is difficult to master.
Posted by: something blue | March 30, 2006 at 09:25 AM
Ugh, yes, we're going through the same thing, only my daughter hasn't reached quite that high of a vocabulary yet.
One thing she repeats all the time is "Ceee! Oooooh!" over and over. If someone could figure out what the hell she's saying, I'd kiss them.
You've seen the video of her, so you know she seems to have her own little language. I think Mrs. Chicky said it best - it's like living with a baby Bob Dylan.
Posted by: Christina | March 30, 2006 at 08:56 AM