Popping Butts with Ignorance

I ask myself at least once a day how the hell I ended up here. Sure, I originally chose to move here for an amazing job opportunity, but I suppose I didn’t think I’d be here this long. But four years later, here I sit on my now slightly larger ass in the land that time has clearly forgotten.

As you might imagine, I stick out like a sore thumb – and it’s not because I’m an almost 6 foot half-Asian girl. I suppose it’s partially because I abandoned my penchant for all things feathers and sequins in about the first grade. Or maybe it’s because heavy make-up to me is mascara, blush, AND lip-gloss. Whatever the reason, my paintspattered industrial-chic t-shirts and vintage pumas have afforded me nothing but weird looks and glances since I’ve moved here. And while I’m perfectly happy to hold up in a large, old house with a martini and my computer, I do feel some sense of responsibility to attempt to socialize my daughter. Therefore, on occasion, we do venture out into the world and enjoy the sunlight on our very pasty skin.

Our weekly Wednesday ritual includes a 25-minute drive to the town near us for a rather average mommy & me class. We sing a few songs, do some sign language, and socialize. Make that SHE socializes. I usually sit, sing, and smile. I used to crack a few jokes here and there, but feeling like a dejected comedian performing for a very sober crowd, I decided it was better (and probably safer) for me just to nod and smile.

After class is over, I attempt to make contact with the other species, but alas, I am generally left to my own devices, namely chasing around my child and eavesdropping. So, from what I can gather (I don’t understand Southernese too well), it seems as though the lovely kiddos (all under the age of ONE mind you) are being naughty. I listen as they describe what neo-toddlers love to do to piss off their parents – spit food out, keep pressing the tv power button- you know crap like that. And then from the mouth of one mother I hear this:

Well, she just spit her food right out at me – and she knew exactly what she was doing. So I just picked her up and popped her right on the butt. Her daddy said I was being mean, and she cried and cried, but she needed to be told that spitting food out is wrong.

Of course, all I heard was this:

Lalalalalalalalalala POPPED HER ON THE BUTT lalalalalalalalalalala

And seriously, her daughter is 9 months old, born 3 months early, and is literally the size of my daughter’s head. And then it happened. They all agreed. I pop him on the butt all the time. Sometimes they just need a butt popping. Nothing makes a point like a good pop on the butt.

Now come on people. Not only does it annoy me that they are using the word POP – like we’re   talking about corn, pimples, or farts for crissakes, but are we really still popping or let's just say it SMACKING kids on the butts – especially really tiny infants?

I’m not a spanker – I vowed I never would be. I can honestly say I’ve never popped or bopped my daughter on any part of her body. I got my own fair share of bopping (of the hard, mean, and not-so-erotic kind) and I just felt as though I would never do it to my kids. We send her to the corner or her room. End of story.

But even with all the gumption I could muster, I couldn’t even say a damn thing. Mainly because it would be SO snarky that I would never be able to go back to my stupid her lovely class. And she likes it – and I’m not going to let my crazy shit fuck her up just yet. I figure I’ll wait a few years before I lay that out on the table. So, I'll just have to save my Butts? Hell, we knock her in the back of the head with our shotgun while she's chained to her crib comment for some other time. Because I'm pretty sure, this won't be the last time I'll be hearing about Popping Butts or any other such ignorance, for that matter.

--

**Added: Just so you know, I would have put pictures of parents smacking their children in here, but in most cases, parents do that in private and don't take pictures, so this was the best I could do.

Comments

[lucie kia lush]

WAT
EVER
LOSER
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Iprobablywillnevercomeback]

Most of you probably have only one child.. I have three within 4 years. (one child is a cake walk, my mom only had me) Sometimes my 3 1/2 year old gets a spanking. It's not frequent but it happens. I agree nine months is way too young for any kind of disipline but you shouldn't be making other people feel bad for the way they do things. I know a minister who had 5 kids within ten years (every 2 years) him and his wife spanked but were also very loving. Their kids are great (all grown up now). They are also very loving parents though. If you don't want to spank that's great, more power to you, but don't go around acting like you are better then people who do. Time outs and taking away privilages are best but a tap on the butt every now and then is not going turn them into neo nazi serial killers or make them hate you in the future.

[Krisco]

That is just so sad. A nine month old. Not to mention a preemie. There is no way that child was spitting food out willfully. Purposely, sure. It probably didn't taste good. But a baby that age is not doing it to be bad. Not that even if he or she was, that would be a justification for spanking.

I just find this so sad. Sad!!!

[Nixie Knox]

I am always amazed when people who do things like this - spank kids - talk about it nonchalantly as if everyone in the universe agrees with them on the subject. I mean, if someone made that comment to me, I would think, "Does this person think I look like someone who spanks their kid? Why does she think that I would find that okay?"

[Kristen]

Okay, as if you needed another comment here, but I have to chime in. I've never heard it referred to as "popping", but whatever you call it, it sucks and I won't do it either. As nutty as my kids often make me (nearly daily) I do not at all see the sense in smacking them in any way, shape or form. There are so many far more effective ways of disciplining. Maybe there are animals that have to smack their young to get them to pay attention (you know because they don't speak a language, like we do) but we've just got no excuse for that. That said, I know the play group thing is hard. I suffered through one for a while for my kids' sake, but then I didn't have to deal with those kinds of attitudes. I just had to deal with the kind of moms who were silently judging everyone else's parenting. You know, that good ol' East coast warm, fuzzy friendliness!

[stacy]

My hubby and I disagree on this point. I say, no way, and he says, why not. I just can't do it.

[Lisa B]

I have seen mothers get so mad that they just whip their hand back and the kid will duck or flinch! Now THAT'S conditioning.

I am with you.... There are other ways!

[Lisa]

Ahhh, yes - the beatings will continue until morale improves.

9 months old and she got spanked. Nice. Her mother sounds like a dumb cunt. I can't wait to read what happens when you can't take it anymore and say something! HA!

Sidenote: Almost 6 ft tall you are? Your belly button and I could have a full on Southernese conversation. ;-)

[jozet]

I saw a mom "spank" her 8 or 9 year old daughter in the middle of a store the other day. "Spank" her hard with the back of her hand across the child's head making said child's head snap forward to her chest. I said, "HEY!" because really, you just say "HEY!" when you see something like that.

And she said, "I'LL SPANK MY DAUGHTER IF I NEED TO!"

Spank...okay. Babies, toddlers, big kids. If she had done that to an adult, I could have called security at least. But because it was a child being "disciplined"...not so much. If an adult smacked another adult hard enough to "teach them a lesson" or "get through" to them, it would be assault. But a child...just walk away, M'am, just a little parent/child bonding.

But you gotta wonder...you see that in public, what is going on at home. If you say something, might that child think for the first time, "You know...maybe I actually don't deserve to be hit?"

Maybe.

9 months? Yeah. Lesson learned, I'm sure.

[Jenn]

damn - I kept starting to laugh and then realised that I was actually appalled and shouldn't be laughing. Where, in god's name, do these people come from?? (Yes, babyQ isn't born yet, so I can still say stuff like this).

oh yeah, and I am *SO* looking forward to play groups now...thanks. :D

[stefanierj]

Keep fightin' the good fight, girlie. I didn't realize bloggingbaby picked this one up, but I'm glad they did. More people need to know that spanking teaches nothing more than that violence is the way we get things done. Not a lesson I'm interested in teaching.

You know, MIM had a really interesting, suprisingly good-natured post and subsequent discussion of this issue on her blog, and you know, I think you were right not to say anything. It would just make people defensive and not listen, and you can't change anyone's mind that way. I think when they see how well-behaved and (here's the key) non-aggressive your sweet girl is, it's a perfect time to note that "we refuse to spank." Sometimes you don't have to say anything, you know?

[GIRLS GONE CHILD]

i pop the shit out of all eighteen of my kids. all day long.

[Dawn]

I just spray Em with a water bottle, then rub her nose in pee when she misbehaves.

Then I duct tape her to a chair and throw Bitty baby shoes in her general direction.

I don't "in general" condone a spank - and god knows What 9 month old DOESN'T spit food? I'd like to know.

However in moments of great weakness I have spanked my daughter - and cried afterward, and asked her to forgive me. But she was in the 4-7 age range.

Emily remembers my "Mommy didn't act like an adult" speech and can quote it back to me...gleefully.

A new banner for your site "Now with more family friendly Porn"

[jubyred]

Uh...HEY! I resemble that comment!

[fidget]

Well, now that Nancy has come to the horrifying realization that not every mother's thoughts are G-rated I hope she was as insensed and yet giggly as I was. The shotgun comment made me snort - it came out of nowhere like a baseball nailing the pitcher in the nuts. We spank here - rarely. It's confined to dangerous situations where we MUST get the kids attention - like running out into teh street or running away in a crowded place. A quick swat to refocus their attention.. a 9 month old??? and over spitting food? Ridiculous... oh and now that Nancy is all aflame I doubt i'll get reccomened by blogging baby - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Emily]

I just now scrolled all the way down and read all your comments.

I am so mean. I read the comment that shall remain nameless(posted at 9:18pm) and laughed out loud for about 5 minutes solid.

We need a disclaimer for our blogs,
"**Not always family friendly**"

[Mama! Mama! (Mel)]

edited to add, I was not calling jubyred a dumbass. I wrote my comment before I read hers. :)

[Mama! Mama! (Mel)]

Your description of you at Mommy and Me cracked me up, because it was exactly that way for me. Exactly.

As for the spanking...I hear ya'. My daughter is 2.5 and has never been spanked. My son was spanked a handful of times...even though I was hugely anti-spanking. It is a guilt that tortures me constantly to this day.
I love it when a mom will spank a child for hitting saying "we don't hit!" Um, really. dumb ass?

I don't want to come off as holier-than-thou. I am a yeller...which is way bad in itself. I work everday to curb that practice. Damn, this parenting thing is HARD.

[kyra]

okay, SO UPSETTING!!! my god! run for the hills, woman! i am appalled!

and by the way, the pic you posted is a riot!!

[Christina]

I can't imagine why someone would feel the need to spank a 9 month old for spitting out food. It's what they do!

We're anti-spanking here, too, although Aaron and I have both smacked her on her butt once each. Both times involved her biting into us and not letting go. She went through a serious biting phase.

I felt horrible about the incident (it's somewhere in my blog, along with pics of the damage she did to me), but at the time I couldn't think of another way to get her attention to let go of me.

I don't think I'd be able to attend that group anymore if everyone is talking about spanking their kids. I would eventually say something bad to them, and then it would be all over.

Why can't all of us live closer together? I want my blogging playgroup to be here in real life!

[Mrs. Chicky]

I had just gotten back from my own Mommy/Baby playgroup when I read your post. Spanking an infant?! What the F*ck? I'm sure the baby had it coming (said with tongue firmly planted in cheek).
Come to our Mommy and Me group - we can be outcasts together! Okay, the commute would be a bitch, but its something to consider.

[Her Bad Mother]

About not speaking up? You did the right thing. As someone else said above, you wouldn't change their minds and would likely end up in some sort of ugly mommy-butt-poppin' fracas.

And then playgroup really would have been ruined for baby.

Funny how it seems easier to find like-minds in other mommies on the Internet than it does in 'real' life...

[Nancy]

I'm not a fan of spanking myself. I would not say I'd never do it, because I've always felt that if a very young kid with developing verbal skills did something dangerous (like run in the road) the only way to get their attention might be a single smack to the butt. But not hard, not damaging, and not just for normal behavior. Nine months old should NEVER be spanked.

And what bothers me most of all is the women discussing it like it was a competitive thing. K, I don't blame you for not speaking up -- it wouldn't have changed their minds/actions, and they probably just would have turned on you. I am just hoping some of them at least were exaggerating to appear "cool" in front of the other moms.

BTW, that other Nancy was soooo not me. For the record.

[Shannon (Sentimental)]

Holy shit, that is about ridiculous! I have never ever spanked my girls and refuse to do it. What in the hell does that teach them? I too would have been quiet because what if they popped me. I would have to pop her back and well what kind of roll model does that make me? Don't beat yourself up girl! People are idiots!

[jubyred]

Girl, Don't even get me STARTED. I live in the moron mecca of the universe and hear this and worse everytime I venture forth amongst the locals. Biting my tongue has become my aerobic activity.

I vowed never to hit my kids. Ever. Then my son turned four and he "popped" me in the head and my palm instinctively met his back pockets with me simultanously yelling, "We do NOT hit in this house!"

Fast forward to HIS time-out, me calling my husband sobbing about what a deplorable parent I am...yadda yadda yadda.

So, I am here to say this-First off, it just doesn't work. Even approached as just a disciplinary technique, popping ain't gonna getcha nowheres. Secondly, never say never. But 9 months...I think we all agree that's a never.

Oh, and Nancy...lighten up, babe.

[Noelle]

All right, I know it's already been said, but...wha-?! A nine-month-old BABY?! What in on earth makes a person think that's okay?

[Kristi]

A nine month old? Are you kidding me? Hard to imagine and pitiful.

[Redneckmommy]

Ohh, this is sooo the wrong morning for me to be reading about parental stupidity. Just received my 4 yr old son's autopsy report. (Natural causes.)

I applaude you for holding your tongue. Good on you. I probably wouldn't have had the same restraint.

Burns me though, that there are parents out there that stupid, and THEY will get to see their kids grow up. Pisser.

[Emily]

I had to reread your post twice because the ass smacking photos really threw my ADD for a loop...
LOL

Smacking babies-baaad, I agree....but what about smacking husbands? I mean more than likely THEY deserve it, right?

[eden]

Beating a child for spitting out food? Oh this family has a long road ahead if that's a spank-worthy offense.

[chelle]

"Butts? Hell, we knock her in the back of the head with our shotgun while she's chained to her crib .."

hehehehe!!!!

Your post made me angry and laugh at the same time. No baby should be spanked, and the extreme attitude these mother's have no wonder you are not "Fitting in". Sometimes it is better not to fit in!
chelle

[Izzy]

My son is almost nine months old and I could no more imagine spanking him than giving him a beer. It's a tough situation to be in. Maybe next class you could hand her a parenting book with the sections about spanking clearly flagged. God. It REALLY pisses me off that people like that have children. There should be a test you have to pass just like with driving...

[C.M.Chase]

Wooohoooo, Kristen is bringin' out the controversy this morning! *eats popcorn*

[Chantal]

The best comment I heard once heard was "She just hauled off and hit her brothere, so I spanked her silly."

Can you just imagine? "Don't hit!" SPANK. "Don't ever hit!" SPANK.

Moronic.

I get you about not fitting in. With our two youngest I fit right in because I was average age when they were born. But they're my two youngest and most of my friends kids that age are their two first. KWIM? Once at a playgroup with our first I said "I'm Chantal, 21 and this is my daughter who is 4 months old". I got asked "How do you find being a single Mom?" I was/am married and wear a ring!

[MetroDad]

Man, if I saw someone "pop" a little 9 month-old baby, I think I'd have to "pop" them back. What are people thinking? Stay away from them, K. Stay very far away!

[krista]

Ek, I'm glad you didn't find pictures of parents slapping their kids bottoms. That picture you have on there already made my stomach turn.

What struck me most about your post today was how much I related to this sentence: "But even with all the gumption I could muster, I couldn’t even say a damn thing."

I normally speak my mind, but it seems when something really hits me hard I am paralyzed. I hate that. I live in a community where the majority of people living here are Asian. I play recreational volley ball. There are about 4 caucasion people and mostly everyone else is Asian (there are a few people with other ethnic backgrounds too). This guy in the group says, "Lets play coloured against whites, we'll win even though there's only a handful of us" Dumbfounded, the opportunity to say something passed, then later, stupid rascist comment after rascist comment finally someone (not me) said something to put him in his place.

I'd like to learn that sometime in my lifetime. How to diplomaticlly express your disagreement of something you feel is totally off base instead of just sitting there dumbfounded by it like I normally do.

It makes me feel helpless when I don't have the words to convey my extreme feelings of being irate at a comment.

OK- yet another long winded comment by me on your site here... next time I'll be more succint, promise.

[knq]

As I'm reading this, I guess I'm not so impressed with myself that I didn't say anything. I'm not generally a shut-my-mouth kind of girl, but then I didn't have a kid and I didn't have to see them every week at our class.

So, I'm feeling not so impressed with myself. *sigh*

[mama_tulip]

I have never, ever heard anyone refer to spanking as "popping". Never. I'm like, shaking my head over that one.

I'm also shaking my head over "popping" a 9-month old. We don't spank here either and I look at my son, who's just over 7 months, and couldn't imagine spanking him for spitting out his food. Because, like, spitting out his food is what he DOES. He's a BABY.

I'm impressed that you kept your mouth shut. I like to think that I would but I dunno....

[debambam]

I'll admit ive slapped Zoe's hand in the past, but smacking? Nope...
I don't know how you held your tongue, but then like you said, your not the one who has to go to school with the kids everyday. Some parents just take the easy way out, that is what I see smacking as. The other options require patience, time and love, something these mums are lacking a little...

[Sarcomical]

hmmm...sounds like a really "fun" group of women. ;) god, i have to admire you for holding your thoughts in.

[The Aitch]

I was certain before I was a parent that spanking was the way to go. I got spanked, my husband got spanked so we were gonna spank.

Umm, yeah not so much into spanking now? Why would I want to purposefulloy make my baby cry? Nope, I am instead watching 911 and taking notes!! It's all about the naughty mat for me!

[Kristina]

My mother beat us. With a belt. She even hit my sister once while my sis was in the bathtub. I look back and realize that I have a lot of resentment and *dare I say* hate towards her because she hit me among so many other things.

Spanking is very common in Black families. VERY. I won't spank my child. It's mean and kids don't understand it. It is hard to teach them to trust you when all you do is hurt them.

*BTW- is my blog looking funny to you too?

[Nancy]

I was refered here by blogging baby which causes me to totally question their recommendations. Bare butt pics from porn and beating nine month olds. Yeah this is a family friendly place!

[Chag]

I agree. The thing that REALLY kills me is when parents SPANK kids for HITTING. Hmmm. Wonder where they learned that?

[C.M.Chase]

Ooooh, my virgin eyes/ears. All this spanking talk. All these rosy cheek pictures. I...I...I feel faint. I'm going to lie down for a spell.

I 'pop' my doggies on the nose when they jump on me. I doubt I'd do the same with a child - I'm not a fan of spankings, either. (Did you read my kindergarten blog??)

;)

[Mom101]

Jaw open here.

I tend to be of the live and let live school of parenting, but if I heard of a mom spanking a NINE MONTH OLD baby, I'd call CPS on her ass, stat.

Of course some spanking is good. Nate and my first movie together was Secretary.