Before I was the Fairy Blogmother, I Wanted to Be Alanis

I have been sucked in, for good reason, by Mrs. Fortune, who is trying to get us all to embarrass ourselves with our poetic masterpieces of days gone by. In layperson's terms, she wants us to share our crappy teenage-angst poetry.

Now, while I did write good ode-to-my-shitty-life poems every now and then, most of mine were in the form of song. Yes, up until very recently, I actually used to write songs, play guitar, and sing at bars. But, the late nights and smoky bars became a bit much. Plus, it's really hard to write songs when you aren't getting screwed over by a stupid asshole boyfriend.

And, while my rousing renditions of "Mama Said Poop It Out" ala LLCoolJ and "2foot2, full of poo..." are quite a hit with the little one, I'm not quite sure they'd go over so well in even the best of Mississippi Bars.

So, while I did write a few songs worthy of an audience, I pulled out my this-shall-never-see-the-dim-light-of-a-dingy-bar song  just for you.

Faker*

(Think loud thrashing guitar, angst-ridden 20-something)

V1: You can read a book, not my body

Tune up baby, and open up your eyes

Screaming ain't the key to happiness I was told

This shit you are giving me is getting fucking old

lalalalalala yeah...

Ch: So, what's mister big man gonna do?

Shot down with a rifle that's loaded with the truth

Take your mirror, get back on your horse

Cuz baby your love is like a curse

lalalalalalala yeah yeah

V2: Don't touch me, just go touch yourself

The pleasure I'm needing is something that you've never felt

You don't know what you're missing, you're in your own world

Let me wake you up cuz you ain't doing it for this girl.

*Alternate titles:

I need a rabbit.

You suck in bed, you dig?

Comments

[Lisa B]

Angry chic music! I love it. Too cool.

[TB]

Dude, you were more like Ani DiFranco. Nice work.

[Nancy]

p.s. -- I added a comment to Reluctant Housewife's post with a link to my old journal entries if you're interested.

[Nancy]

LOVE - IT. But I really want to hear the lyrics to "Mama Said Poop It Out."

[debambam]

Oh yeah, i'm liking it, Love the rabbit title too!!!

[Dawn]

I thought that was a pretty good song. I mean, shit and shinola, if Hillary Duff can do it - I would MUCH rather hear the rabbit song

[GIRLS GONE CHILD]

I have no idea. Hee.

[Kristen]

Dude, I can barely use my own cellphone. How the hell do I do the audio post?

[GIRLS GONE CHILD]

That is wicked fresh. I wish you could audio that shit and perform it live from MU.

[Jayne]

I vote for audioposting!!!

[stefanierj]

Ouch for the lyrically bitch-slapped one!! I hope you actually sang this for him.

Good stuff.

[Mrs. Davis]

Ohhhhh, fantastic! That is SO Alanis! Reading this makes me wish I could dig up the lyrics to songs my husband wrote back in college. All I can remember is "Paintings in red blood fade away...." Gack.

[Redneck mommy]

Laughing so hard right now. That line, "Don't touch me, just go touch yourself" I just said that to the poor hubs a few hours ago. Heehee.

Glad to read your poetry. You still inspire! Hee hee.

[Mom101]

Shot down with a rifle that's loaded with the truth....

Pure poetry.

[Hill]

Fucking brilliant, babe. THIS (among many other things) is the reason I used to call you my "MS idol".

[krista]

my favourite line by far: "Don't touch me, just go touch yourself"

hehehehe.

[mrsfortune]

OMG Kristen I am laughing so hard. You were like Chrissy Hynde meets Dr. Seuess! (And btw, this was RH's idea, not mine!!!)

[reluctant housewife]

Ha ha!

I added yours to the list.

*ahem*