Really, What's So Wrong With Looking Gay?

As I was leaving music class the other day, I was talking with another well-educated, reasonably informed (or so I thought) mom about children's clothing, namely that there was really nowhere around where we live that sold really great stuff. Not that I'm looking for designer cute-ture (thanks GGC), but I do like nice clothes that don't fall apart after one washing, and I prefer to not have to dig through 1200 racks of shit to find ONE nice dress ala TJMAXX but WAYYYYY worse. Anyway, she agreed with me and then said "Well, you can't find any boy's clothes around here that aren't gay, and daddy doesn't want us [speaking to child] looking gay..."

And there you go. Just had to go there. I mean, really... You are an educated woman of the 21st century and you are still using THAT? And then I thought, I shouldn't really be surprised, since I hear it ALL the time from a lot of people - edumacated and not. Hell, they still use RETARDED down here (and I mean referring TO the folks with disabilities and for other things they believe to be stupid and dumb). AND, while we do live in gay-hate-country-I'm-an-ignorant-redneck USA, I know it's not isolated to this part of the country.

I think we all realize at some level that being gay is not a choice because if it were, then really, NO one would choose it - especially here in the US when as gay person, you can barely get married, have kids, and LIVE happily and safely, with equal rights. Wait let me rephrase, no one except women who have been burned OH too many times by asshole men, would choose to be gay *wink*. Anyway, now that we are in agreement about that, let's address the issue at hand, shall we? Looking gay.

What's so bad about it, I wonder? I mean, have you really ever seen a badly dressed gay man? Not me. And, have you really ever seen gay men only wear pink sweaters and light blue t-shirts? NOPE, can't say I have. And, have you ever seen a raggedy coiffed, nasty shaven, scraggly looking gay man? NOTTA - only when he's pretending to be straight (blllahahahahaha). Technically speaking, if someone says that to you, you should probably take it as a compliment, because based on my scholarly research (gay clubs, bars, and pals) gay men dress WAY better than straight men.

And then we get into gender roles in this society - ones that are so fucking messed up that I can't even find a gender neutral toy for my 18-month old. It's either kitchens or toolworkshops. It's either dolls or trucks. And, if you buy the one that is "opposite" your child's gender, people look at you like you are a freeeaaaaakkk. Can society jam the whole "women-love-domesticity" shit down are throat anymore? And really, why the hell do we as women continue to put up with it? *says while counting the number of dolls and purses laying around the house* Seroiusly folks, haven't you thought that the gender specific colors are socially programmed in our brains and REALLY girls don't prefer pink, but it's what is forced upon them by society?

And c'mon, can a baby really look gay? I mean I know we obsess about "who's gay and who's not" - try to pick them out at restaurants and dance clubs because we're total idiots (I for one refuse to engage in this stupidity...), but really, do people sit around at baby showers and play groups going "Hmmm... totally gay..."? I THINK NOT. How is it that if the MAN lets his SON wear a light blue shirt than that means clearly HE is gay? - although he is married, with a wife, and son, so clearly, unless he has internalized homophobia and hate gays because he is one (yes, it exists), then he's probably NOT GAY. HELLO!

Oh, and have you noticed it's mostly about MEN'S clothing - because, we the female oppressing society, still LOVE the idea of a lesbian. And therefore, we don't go around saying flannel shirts and mountain boots on a girl is GAY... it's just the purple argyle sweater in the Men's Section of BR.

So people. If you don't like the light blue shirts and the pink shorts for your son FINE. No big deal. But, why don't you just say you don't like them, or you think they're ugly, or even GROSS. But, I just don't think it's necessary to insult an entire culture of people (surely people raise eyebrows when we say "that's so LATINO" or "BLACK") every time we just think something is silly. Changing LANGUAGE leads to changing MINDS. 

Comments

[LiteralDan]

You need to send this out to some newspaper opinion pages, cause it's some well-spoken truth.

[some gay girl]

ummm... a rational mom. that's really rare cause i see the most rational person turn into a typical bigot when it comes to her "own" kids. lol

[Greg (tiara optional)]

Oh my God. It all makes sense now. I can now identify the precise moment that I "became" gay. It was those damn light blue pinstriped overall shorts with the duck on the bib that I got when I was four. They practically screamed "queen"! I was doomed from the first moment that I put them on. Mom bought 'em. She bought me all sorts of questionable things. I certainly 'looked' gay. Eventually your childrens gay outfits will alter them at a molecular level. That explains all the nice clothes I lust after now, the nice restaurants with friends, the parties, the eight year relationship that I've had with, oh dear, another man, my ability to give a woman a compliment AND ask for directions if I'm lost!! It all makes sense now. Thanks Mom!

[Stace]

"Daddy wants us looking like a stupid redneck, just like him, doesn't he?"

[Becki]

I just love it when my six year old puts on my chunky black heels and freaks out his homophobe uncles. It just freakin' cracks me up.

[knq]

PS Thanks Tsoniki -- I emailed you!

[knq]

I know, right? It makes me crazy to think about it... Like it's okay to put the 11-month old in freaking HUNTING GEAR (I shit you not) - like camo overalls... but god no light blue sweaters cuz that's gay.

[Alyssa]

I am rolling at this entry... rolling...::giggles hysterically::

"And Daddy doesn't want us looking gay"

LOL?! How the fuck can a toddler look "Gay"...Do you ever look at an adorable little toddler and go "Geez, he looks like a queer..."

My gawd....

[Dawn]

Well... I certainly don't think that dolls or colors will affect a child's sexual orientation. PLus, who DOESN"T want to wear a tiara. I would wear one everyday if the "Man" ( and I don't mean my husband) would let me.

BUT...I have known young children that I would bet good money that they will "come out" at some point. And it has NOTHING to do with the color of their clothes!

[knq]

Lisa -- first, I HEART you for doing that. I think that is so great... and, I don't blame you for the comments. I think that it's sad that people do not feel more comfortable about coming out. I think we would see way less teen suicides for one thing... If we had a society that was a little more accepting, maybe they wouldn't have to act like that and could feel comfortable. Thanks for visiting and commenting.

[Lisa B]

My brother-in-law didn't want my sister to buy their boys a play kitchen set because he was worried that they'd turn out to be gay. Isn't that funny? I had to laugh.

I know I made a few shots at the Brokeback Mountain movie but mainly because it was about these men trying to act manly, and covering up who they really were and hurting alot of people and themselves in the process. You are, who you are. Accept it, ya know?

I got a flier for a politican the other day. It said the politician was "pro-family." In other words he was anti-gay, prolife and a bunch of things. I chased them down the street and said, "here's your flier back. I'm voting for the other person."

[knq]

Mama - I think that is soooo cute. I would love to see a little boy walking around in a tiara. I might have to bite him out of cuteness though.

Izzy - I feel the same way - seriously, what if your kid is gay? Wouldn't you want them to be respected, loved, and allowed to live in peace and safety?? CRIPES!

[Izzy]

As the mother of a baby boy, I think that gay baby nonsense is STUPID. And if my son did turn out to be gay (and it won't be caused by the kind of clothing we put him in) we would feel no differently about him. He's our son. End of story.

I do, however, use the words "retard" and "retarded" on occasion. Does it matter that I never use it to describe someone developmentally-disabled (because I used to teach DD adults)? Probably not... I am not always politically-correct. I plead guilty.

[Mama! Mama!]

My son's favorite color was pink for the longest time. He also had a tiara and heart shaped scepter he was pretty fond of at around 2 and a half or so. He wore the tiara to preschool and Target. Most people thought it was great. Anyone who didn't, go the look of death from his mommy. My son used to love dressing up in scarves and pumps too. Love beaded necklaces and Christmas brooches. He is clearly not gay. Although, I got comments from many people who was sure I was "encouraging" it. What. Ever.

My daughter's favorite color is also pink. It must just be a damn cool color. :)

[Tsoniki]

Found your blog via the crazy hip blog mamas and just had to say FINALLY! LMAO I talk about this to my friends and maybe not so friendly friends and am always amazed that people still say "that's so gay."

As an aside, I am growing my sons hair long. Why? Because I can. Because men with long hair are so handsome. And now that I will say that we are American Indian, people will say "oh okay, well lots of American Indians have long hair" as though that justifies it and makes it okay. Yeah. Okay wierdos.

Though I am sick and tired of him wearing all blue and shooting a gun made of blocks and being called a girl because of his hair.

Whoa, turned that into a rant! Sorry about that.

Excellent blog.

:)