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February 13, 2006

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Stella -- Thanks -- I'm headed to read now.

uh. kinda, sorta related...

did you ever see my post on TBWSFO????

http://anxiousaboutlife.blogs.com/findingzen/2006/01/inspiration.html

i love those shows!!!

Like Sean, I'd really take my cues from the doctors - that is, what would be the best course of action from a medical/scientific perspective? And my prevailing desire would be to ensure that my child was loved and as happy and comfortable as possible. I think I'd feel this way regardless of the details of the situation (i.e., any sort of developmental issues).

ooohhh those other ones sound good. And what you can't type on your back? C'mon now sister!

:)

I had a human sexuality class taught by a transgender professor who had had "the operation." He was great; funny, informed, and got everything out in the open. He had been born a woman and you would never have believed it until he showed you pictures. Since then I've met other (obviously) transgender people and it breaks my heart when others are mean just because. I've gone out of my way to strike up random conversation after other folks have been cruel. (I once met a gal who had the most gorgeous tan and I had to ask her about it!!)

I just thank god I live in an area that is a tiny bit more open. My parents had gay friends when I was growing up, I have gay friends; but I think being transgender is much harder than that. As for me, I would try to wait to see which way my child leaned, and frankly, I think you can tell pretty early. My in-laws probably would disown me, but I know my friends would stand by my decision.

okay, i virtually never watch tv anymore but when i do have a chance to peek, i am TOTALLY GLUED to those shows! it's my huge fascination. there are stories of herms that are born in other cultures and they just leave them alone ntil puberty when it becomes more clear what the emerging sex is and then they all make a decision, with the young adults consent and input. we are so uptight in this country, we could never deal with the ambiguity. i think it's criminal to decide for them when they are infants. ugh. it's not just shows about males/females/herms/ferms/etc. but all the peculiar nature shows. did you see the one about the chimeras? a woman who had two sets of DNA and gave birth to children who's DNA did not match hers? and how they tried to take her kids away, saying she must have stolen them? and the one about face transplants? don't even get me started on conjoined twins and parasitic twins or mermaid syndrome. i could go on ALL DAY! but, back to my sick bed!

Suicides - yes - and people wonder why so many especially with teens... thanks for your thoughts!

I seem to recall watching a show once where the difficulty of transgender/ambiguous gender persons was discussed, and I think I remember that there's a very high suicide rate among people with gender ambiguity. It's heartbreaking especially when their parents have chosen one gender for them and they feel strongly pulled in the other direction, or smack dab in nowhere's land. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. It's hard enough for gay and lesbian couples who are comfortable with their own sex, but with a different orientation -- how would it be to be uncomfortable in your own skin, to feel like you don't fit anywhere?

Thanks for the thought provoking post.

Sean -- Thanks for visiting and commenting. I love having a diverse readership just for these reasons. I can only imagine the struggles you have encountered. I think that the issue most of the people that were interviewed for the show had was that the doctors just removed the penis or closed up the vagina and then they felt butchered later in life... I suppose if there were medical issues, I'd want them to do something, but then you never know if their bias/homophobia would manifest in their desire to "fix" something... that maybe was really okay. It seems that homosexual bias is still one of the only things (other than some ethnic and religious bias) in medicine that's seemingly OKAY - although I hope very strongly that it's changing. It's promising to see even little shows like A BABY STORY with gay couples having children and the staff not looking like they are a bunch of weirdos.

Okay, enough on that. Come back, will ya?

Great post. I'm a gay man, and living THAT is hard enough. If I were to have a Birl, I would rely heavily on doctor suggestions, of course. But in the longrun, if the decision were mine, I might just wait. Maybe see, if through growth, my child's habits and attitudes leaned towards a particular sex, I might then decide how to raise them. Let them decide later. But the heartwrenching problem would be how they grow up in society - you're right, if they're not a particular sex, grownups just wouldn't know how to deal with it. Wow, it really IS complicated. The only way to know would be to experience it. But I do know (thanks to my partner, who is GREAT with kids) I'd love my child no matter what.

Nope, I haven't seen it and I am pissed that most (okay, ALL) the oscar movies and all the good movies (note the separate categories) I will have not seen. With baby and my pickiness about quiet and quiet when I see a movie leaves me out - plus, I live in goddamn Mississippi - and I'm still shocked we even got Brokeback.

And seriously - I just can't fathom the level of non-acceptance - but I will say this, people have many issues (illnesses of the mind, addictions) and those can do crazy things.

I would totally just do what you said about keeping everything neutral until the child figures it all out for themselves...

I though about this when I was pregnant. I had just finished reading Middlesex and though, shit, that would be a tough one. I don't have an answer for you. I do know that if you asked me what kind of parent I was going to be before I had a baby I would be clueless as well. I have a hard time understanding how a parent rejects their child, even moreso now that I am a parent. Many of my friends are gay and have been orphaned by their sexual orientation. This nauseates me. Have you seen Transamerica?

Yeah - I was thinking that too - god it's really a hard one, huh? So glad you visited!!!

you know, i have thought about this a lot, too. (i also am obsessed with these shows!) i guess i would try to stay as neutral as possible -- would there be a way to figure out how they would identify? like - if i had a child with a penis -- but the hormonal/chemical aspects of a female, i think i would raise them female. what a hard and difficult issue. hmmm.

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