Motherhood Uncensored

Isn't It Great... Isn't It Grand...

So, do you like my new look? Do ya, do ya? A little more fitting of the vibe here at Motherhood Uncensored, I think.

I certainly cannot take ANY credit, as the only thing I came up with is the idea, and well, the name (duh?).  My pal KELLYNELLYNELLO at NelloDesigns took care of me and I think it looks fabulous. She fought hard with typepad and won. Yeah.

And, don't forget about the contest. If you have no idea what I mean click or scroll damnit.

10 Weirder and Randomer Things About Me

I am currently avoiding the television because the huz (who never watches tv) has decided HE is watching the FLIGHT 93 movie on AnE tonight and well, like Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan, it's a movie in which I know hundreds of people get killed, and I just don't feel like having the image in my head before bed. I'd much prefer watching the Biggest Loser Family Finale - making me, well, the biggest loser.

Anyway, I was tagged by my pal over at (This) Girls Gone Child. And since I already did a post like this way back in the day, I figure, this list will include weirder and more randomer things about me - oh, and my daughter. Hence the meme and sheshe. And, I can't take credit for the idea - GGC is way ahead of the times - living it up in the L to the A...

MEME

1. I fast forward uncomfortable parts in movies. It doesn't matter if I have never seen the movie before or if I have seen it a thousand times. And, it's not just like murders or scary scenes, it's like people getting yelled at by their mother, or children getting caught by the childcatcher (sorry, just watched CHITTYCHITTYBANGBANG)...

2. I have a grey streak on the right side of my head and I hate it. It used to be bright red and I had hairdressers ask me all the time if I dyed it that way. NOPE - and about 4 years ago it turned WHITE. I dye it every now and then... or pluck it.

3. I was married before and I won that wedding on a tv show (nothing national). So, when I got divorced, it wasn't so bad, since we didn't really spend anything on the wedding itself. And, I figured, it couldn't have been real since the pastor was named REVEREND BUDDY.

4. I chew my nails but only when I'm breastfeeding. I started doing it to keep myself awake - and now I can't stop - except now, I chew my daughters as well. She doesn't seem to mind and it keeps me from having to try to clip hers.

5. I'm obsessed with plucking eyebrows, pulling out in-grown hairs, that sort of thing. It's very fun for me. I could do it all day. The huz had an ingrown hair in his face (he has to shave everyday - damn military) and it was about 1/2 inch long. I almost had an orgasm when he let me pull it out.

6. In reference to #3, said ex gave me a strap on dildo (large and black) as well as a regular notsogreatfloppywhatthehellwillIdowiththis dildo and offered to allow me to fuck him in the ass if I wanted to shortly before we divorced. Not sure how that came into his mind. Desperation causes people to do crazy shit. I declined the offer. I'm way more into metaphorically fucking people in the ass. TYVM.

7. I have a very messed up GI system (thanks DAD) and I have bad gas. I don't fart in front of strangers or anything, but I have, on occasion, blasted my husband out of the bed. I have also thought that death was coming to me on the toilet. The pink stuff is my friend.

8. I hate anxiety provoking games - such as "Red Rover" and "Fool Ball." I get so uncomfortable that I cry and laugh at the same time. I'm not crying because I'm laughing so hard - it's more like a thisisreallyfunnynoitsnotitsreallyawful kind of cry. It can also happen when I'm in the middle of very uncomfortable conversation - or when I found a playboy bunny earring my husband used to wear (he does not wear an earring EVER).

9. My engagement ring diamond is from the ring my husband gave to his ex-fiance. She took everything when they broke up (and none of it was really hers) including the ring, but he stole it back. Not sure how I feel about it - but it's damn purty and big.

10. My daughter's birthday is the same day as this guy I dated between husbands. It still kind of freaks me out. But, it's still the best day of my life.

SHESHE

1. She shares her name (different spelling) with Ben Stiller's new kid. WE chose it first - and I think it sounds better on a girl.

2. She is a classic cancer (her sign). I'm not a huge astrology person, but I like to read it.

3. She is obsessed with babies. Live or play.

4. She just learned how to say "bad babies" - a song by Sandra Boynton. Her first 2 word phrase. Great.

5. When she doesn't want anymore food or she is mad at me, she just lets her food fall out of her mouth on the floor. It really pisses me off.

6. She is obsessed with Pooh - although she has never seen a tv show or movie with him. She wears a pooh shirt every day. Therefore, we shop at K-mart for all her clothes.

7. She is a master at wooden puzzles - recently conquering an alphabet puzzle, without assistance, in less than 5 minutes.

8. She asks for the playground by saying HORSE and her muppet movie by saying PIG.

9. If she sees a baby on tv, she will kiss the tv.

10. Her nicknames are as follows: Goosie, Miss Goose, Lady Goose, Goosaluna, and Goosamarooney. I also sing her a song "The goose is loose - the goose is on the loose." Then I started calling her Loosey Goosey - and then I stopped. HEH.

So, I'm sticking with the MOMMY TAG TREND, here goes:

Izzy, Fidget, and Kyra (all of which are coolass blogs on my roll list). YOU ARE IT.

AND PS, I didn't forget:

Happy Monday.

What Does Your Blog Really Say?

I found this via Drowning in Kids. Pretty cool idea. Although I don't think I need a shirt with it - considering half the words are *ahem* unmentionables.

Go be a cool kid. Get your own done at snapshirts.

MU's First CONTEST of the WEEK

I have decided that I need to start a contest. It seems like the IN Blog thing to do, and as you probably have all figured out, I love bandwagons... Anyhoo, after reading my pal Mama's post on her latest google search term/phrase, I have decided that this week's contest will be just that. Give me your FUNNIEST google search term/phrase. They fascinate me to no end and well, I just think most of them are pretty ridiculous. Leave it in the comments of this post and, after careful deliberation, I will determine MU's FIRST CONTENT WINNER...

What will you get? Well, I can't offer anything majorly exciting, but how about a nice plug/post about your blog, plus a link spot on my sidebar for a FULL WEEK? Not that I get a ton of traffic, but I'm looking at about 50 hits/day and it's still growing.

Make sure to leave your term/phrase (only ONE per person please - so pick your BEST one) by February 3 (That's THIS Friday).

Now... get cracking!

Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

MANAMANA...

Remember them? I am now on the 15,000th viewing of the ONE muppet show tape that my daughter has now adopted as her new obsession. We are limiting it to two times a day. Even with that, she asks for about 10 times more. My husband gave in yesterday and it was on 4 times. That is 2 hours of the SAME FUCKING TAPE.

On the bright side (the very SMALL bright side), she eats all her meals quietly and without hassle.

Oh, and here's how she asks for it...

PIG!PIG!PIG!

Yep. She says "PIG" 5,000 times until you put the damn tape on. I am hearing Miss Piggy's voice in my sleep. *Sigh* I used to love the fucking muppet show.